Coup Watch, Day Five: Attempted Coup, But No Coup. (Yet.)

It’s Wednesday. In 70 days, Joe Biden will be inaugurated as the 46th President of the United States.

This bear cub just heard the news, and is trying to return to the States:

Political Crap

So what now? President Last Place is still refusing to concede, and is now firing everyone at the Pentagon he doesn’t like and replacing them with racist nutjobs. Why? No one is quite sure, but it’s freaking people out: “This is scary, it’s very unsettling,” one defense official told CNN. “These are dictator moves.” Some are speculating that he wants to remove anyone who was opposed to his plan of removing all of the troops from Afghanistan by Christmas, others think it may have to do with removing troops from Syria, and still others worry that it might be to use the military against future protestors.

Whatever it is about, it’s a really shitty time to be cleaning house at the Pentagon:

“It is hard to overstate just how dangerous high-level turnover at the Department of Defense is during a period of presidential transition. The top policy professional in the Department resigning the day after the Secretary of Defense was fired could mark the beginning of a process of gutting the DoD—something that should alarm all Americans,” House Armed Services Chairman Adam Smith said in a statement Tuesday. Ben Rhodes, former deputy national security advisor under Obama, also raised grave concerns. “There’s no non-disturbing explanation for removing the entire Pentagon civilian leadership and replacing them with a bunch of Trump acolytes during a lame duck presidency,” he wrote on Twitter.

As for President Dupe’s attempts to steal this election in the courts, that dumbass plan continues to lose runway. A postal worker in Erie, Pennsylvania who claimed to witness tampering with mail-in ballots recanted his story as soon as he was interrogated by investigators, the “thousands” of voter irregularities in Nevada have come to one (1) instance of a woman who cast her dead mother’s ballot; and of the 50 cases of dead people voting in Michigan that they are claiming:

Also? Biden is leading President Math is Hard by over 148,000 votes, so even if 50 dead people had voted, it doesn’t fucking matter. Basically, these lawsuits are just the White House’s way of soothing the big dumb baby in the Oval Office, assuring him that they are doing everything they can to subvert the will of 77 million Americans, and most of them know it’s not going to work.

OK, but the “faithless elector” scenario, that’s still on the table, right?

You should read this piece in The Nation, but author Elie Mystal covers this far better than I ever could:

Can Republican state legislatures put forward a slate of electors who will vote for Trump even though Biden won those states?

Let’s be very clear: The states get to choose how they will determine their own electors, but that determination has to be made before the election. A state with a Republican legislature—let’s say, Pennsylvania—could have decided to choose electors based on a simple vote of the legislature. In fact, Republican legislators contemplated doing such a thing. But they didn’t. Instead they decided, like every other state, to let the popular will in their state determine the slate of electors.

They can’t change the method of picking electors after the election has taken place. Remember, when voters showed up to vote, they technically weren’t voting for “Joe Biden” or “Donald Trump” but for a slate of electors who would vote for Biden or Trump. If Pennsylvania wanted to change those rules, it would have had to tell its voters before they voted. It can’t run a bait-and-switch on an election. It can’t say that a vote for Biden’s electors was actually a vote for the Pennsylvania legislature to choose the electors. This is an election, not a Groupon.

The only legal recourse, which some Republicans are arguing for, is to determine that the voters “failed to make a choice” on which slate of electors to nominate, or that the results of that choice are somehow unclear. But the results will be clear once Pennsylvania certifies its election results (and, in this case, the governor and secretary of state, who certifies the results, are Democrats). It will be a close election, but voters made a choice and that choice will be clear upon certification.

States have until December 8 to certify the results of their elections.

But what if Pennsylvania’s Republican legislators insist that the results weren’t clear? Would the Supreme Court’s conservative supermajority allow the state’s Republican legislature to choose a Republican slate of electors, even though it’s unconstitutional?

Maybe? Conservatives on the Supreme Court act in bad faith all the time. But consider that Biden has likely won this election with 306 electoral votes. For this gambit to work, legislatures in Pennsylvania and at least two of the other states Biden won would have to submit a slate of Trump electors. The Supreme Court would have to OK this upending of the popular will three times in total. That’s incredibly unlikely and would spark almost immediate civil unrest directed right at the Supreme Court, which has no army to enforce its rulings.

Well, what’s our plan for that?

My dude, I don’t have a plan for “nothing matters anymore.” The end of democratic self-government is not a thing one has a legal plan for. That’s like asking what my plan is for closing a demonic hell mouth that opens in my backyard. Die. My plan would be to die. I’m not Keanu Reeves.

So if there’s no legal recourse for President Never Say Lose, and there’s no electoral college recourse for him, that leaves only one other play for this piece of shit to remain in office on January 20: full military coup d’etat. Which, you know, WHO KNOWS? You can’t put anything past this motherfucker, and his moves at the Pentagon are … worrisome. And yet, I’m remaining calm over here, possibly whistling past the graveyard, but what else is there to do, you know? I’m ready to protest — I’ve already made a plan with my lawyer husband in that regard (literally) — but other than that, we all just have to remain chill and hope that President Tin Pot Dictator realizes sooner rather than later that he doesn’t have a path to a second term and fucks off to Mar-a-Lago already.

For a good laugh, here is the worst both-sideism take ever made ever:

Also, I’m still very very very much enjoying this Four Seasons Total Landscaping Story. It’s been five days, and I’m STILL laughing about it! That never happens in this timeline!

Going Viral

We are on the verge of 250,000 dead Americans from this fucking virus. According to Worldometer, over 1,400 died just yesterday.

Hey, one of my idiot senators is spreading dangerous misinformation on Twitter. How surprising.

Here are some things that people think will never go back to normal, even if we get that vaccine in the next six months: working in offices, blowing out candles on birthday cakes, mask-wearing.

Richard Schiff and his wife have tested positive. Production on The Good Doctor has not been suspended.

Peter Giannikopoulos, one of the new guys on The Bachelorette, tested positive and then crashed his car. (Apparently, the two things are related.)

The Television Academy of Arts and Sciences has not announced what the dates for Emmy eligibility will be because: RONA, and it’s making everyone crazy because they don’t know when they should schedule their big Emmy-bait series.

Film shoots are at 47% of normal in Los Angeles, thanks to the virus.

The heads of the NBA, NHL, and MLB discuss what’s next for their sports. Basically, don’t expect another NBA bubble (even though it was easily the most successful strategy for keeping people safe).

The Real Housewives of Atlanta has suspended production for two weeks after a positive test. 

All Other TV News

Here we go:

I’m sure you’re sick of all the Quibi stories, but this post-mortem is pretty interesting.

It is absolutely absurd that Jason Momoa was broke following Game of Thrones. I mean, obviously the universe corrected itself, but still. Ridiculous.

Here’s what would have happened if Santa Clarita Diet had been given a fourth season.

We have an origin story for the Celebrity Jeopardy! sketches.

And here’s Alex Trebek cursing while filming promos. You’re welcome:


In Development

  • United States of Al, a combat vet comedy from Chuck Lorre, has been picked up to series at CBS and on Veterans’ Day to boot.
  • Greater Good, an animated comedy, is being developed at Fox.
  • Nurses, a Canadian medical drama, has been acquired by NBC.
  • The Burial, a drama starring and produced by Jaime Foxx, is coming to Netflix.
  • Cheap Old Houses is being turned into a TV series at HGTV.

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Pennyworth will return on Epix on December 13.
  • WWE Tribute to the Troops will air on Fox on December 6.
  • Black Beauty will premiere on Disney+ on November 27.
  • The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse will stream on Disney+ on November 18.
  • We Are the Champions will premiere on Netflix on November 17.
  • Mr. Iglesias returns on Netflix on December 8.
  • Ainu Mosir will premiere on Netflix on November 17.


Tommy Heinsohn, Former Boston Celtics player, coach, and broadcaster

John Fraser, Scottish actor

Viola Smith, Once known as “the fastest girl drummer in the world”


The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City: Hey, it’s another group of oblivious, spoiled wealthy women bickering about the pettiest of things. I am absolutely on board. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Bravo

The CMA Awards: Reba McEntire and Darius Rucker host Country Music’s big night. 7 p.m., ABC

Chicago Med: The staff at Chicago Med face the pandemic in the season premiere. 7 p.m., NBC

Chicago Fire: Firehouse 51 welcomes a new member. Season premiere. 8 p.m., NBC

Chicago P.D.: The squad responds to the shooting of a young girl and faces new obstacles thanks to the heightened focus on police reform in the season premiere. The fake Chicago universe is really feeling 2020! 9 p.m., NBC

S.W.A.T.: Meanwhile, over in Los Angeles, the S.W.A.T. guys are remembering the 1992 Rodney King riots. Season premiere. 8 p.m., CBS

Eater’s Guide to the World: Maya Rudolph narrates a journey to find some of the most exciting meals around the world in this new series. Oh, eating in restaurants … I miss you. Series premiere. Hulu

The Liberator: This new rotoscope series tells the story of the Allies’ invasion of Italy just in time for Veteran’s Day. Series premiere. Netflix

Trial 4: A docuseries about Sean K. Ellis, a man who served 22 years for a crime he did not commit. Series premiere. Netflix

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Michael Strahan, Brené Brown, Patty Smyth
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Ethan Hawke, Lewis Black, Carter McLean
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Olivia Colman, Gillian Anderson, Kylie Minogue
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Max Greenfield, Ashe & Niall Horan
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Dr. Phil McGraw, John King, Maren Morris
  • The Daily Show: TBA
  • Conan: Laci Mosley
  • Watch What Happens Live: The cast of “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City”

WEDS. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The 54th Annual CMA Awards
CBS The Amazing Race
CW Devils
FOX The Masked Singer
I Can See Your Voice
NBC Chicago Med
Chicago Fire
Chicago P.D.

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