‘The Bachelor’ finale, the return of ‘Empire,’ the return of ‘Arrested Development’ and everything else you don’t want to miss on TV this week

MONDAY

The Bachelor: WE ALL KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO: HE’S GOING TO DUMP BOTH REMAINING LADIES AND THEN SHOW UP ON CASSIE’S DOOR AND SHE’LL AGREE TO DATE HIM THE END. LET’S GET ON WITH IT ALREADY. Season finale. 7 p.m., ABC

The Passage: Surprising alliances are made in the season finale. 7 p.m., Fox

The Good Doctor: Ah yes, the doctor becomes the patient. Season finale. 9 p.m., ABC

TUESDAY

The Bachelor: After the Final Rose: AND HERE’S THE PART WHERE WE SPEND THE BETTER PART OF TWO HOURS SPINNING OUR WHEELS BEFORE WE GET TO THE GOOD STUFF: WOMEN YELLING AT COLTON FOR BEING A DOLTON.  7 p.m., ABC

MasterChef Junior: I wonder how much Gordon Ramsay drinks after filming each episode. Season premiere.  7 p.m., Fox

Videos After Dark: Like America’s Funniest Home Videos, but more adult — or something. Bob Saget returns to host. I assume he won’t share his “The Aristocrats” joke, but then again this is “after dark …” Series premiere. 9 p.m., ABC

WEDNESDAY

Empire: The first episode since the whole Jussie Smollett crap went down. So, this should be awkward. Mid-season premiere. 7 p.m., Fox

Star: Star has had her baby and now shit is really going to go down. Mid-season premiere. 8 p.m., Fox

The World’s Best: A winner is chosen but does anyone really care? It’s not like this is The Masked Singer or anything. Season finale. 8 p.m., CBS

I’m Sorry: Andrea hosts a memorial service which just seems like a terrible idea. Season finale.  9 p.m., truTV

THURSDAY

The Good Fight: From what I understand, the best show I am not watching. CBS All Access

Project Runway: Project Runway moves back to Bravo, now with 100% less Harvey Weinstein. Season premiere. 7 p.m., Bravo

A.P. Bio: Jack convinces his students to help him steal a Virgin Mary statue from some nuns. THIS IS HOW DARK THIS SHOW IS. 7:30 p.m., NBC

FRIDAY

Arrested Development: The final half of what will presumably be the final season is here.  Netflix

Shrill: Aidy Bryant stars in this adaptation of Lindy West’s book, and it looks pretty unapologetic and wonderful. Hulu

Catastrophe: The final season of one of the wicked little British family comedy. Season premiere. Amazon

Love, Death & Robots: NFSW cartoons. Season premiere. Netflix

Queer Eye: The guys help their first lesbian this season. Season premiere.  Netflix

Turn Up Charlie: Idris Elba stars as a DJ turned manny in this new series. Netflix

Girl: A fifteen-year-old ballerina deals with stuff while preparing for gender reassignment surgery in this new film. Netflix

SATURDAY

The First Purge: I don’t know what to tell you, it’s not a great day for TV. Maybe a chance to catch up on the Netflix, Amazon and Hulu shows above? 7 p.m., HBO

Star Wars marathon: It begins with Phantom Menace, but New Hope doesn’t start until 10 p.m. 1 p.m., TNT

SUNDAY

Billions: Chuck struggles to maintain power in the fourth season premiere. 8 p.m., Showtime

Tricky Dick: A look at Richard Nixon. No reason. Season premiere. 8 p.m., CNN

The Walking Dead: Ooh … it’s entitled “Scars.” I guess we’ll finally learn what that’s all about. 8 p.m., AMC

Leave a Reply