‘American Horror Story: Apocalypse’: And then Anastasia Romanov got involved

American Horror Story: Apocalypse
“Fire and Reign”
November 7, 2018

Over in Mutt and Jeff’s robofactory, Mutt or Jeff, I’m not sure which is which, has become impatient with the pace of Langdon’s apocalypse when Ms. Venable enters to remind them of their Cooperative meeting next week. She also asks for a bigger role in the company and they are all, “LOL NOPE.” So she quits.

However, it’s not a total loss, as Ms. Venable apparently gave Mutt or Jeff “a great fucking idea.” (Hint: It’s The Cooperative)

Over at Miss Robichaux’s, Mallory is struggling and failing to bring a dead bird back to life as she explains to Cordelia and Myrtle that the stress over worrying about Langdon is getting to her. Cordelia promises that as long as all of the witches stay inside Miss Robichaux’s, they’ll be fine. She’s placed a protection spell over the building and his bitch ass can’t get inside.

Except … that doesn’t exactly prove true and that asshole Dinah breaks the spell with some voodoo hoodoo, allowing Langdon and Mrs. Mead inside the school. There, they promptly kill all the witches they encounter. Shooting all the witches, shooting all the witches, shooting all the witches.

It’s pretty grim and considering this episode aired little over a week after a monster massacred 11 Jews in their synagogue, some spectacularly unfortunate timing.

Fortunately, Mallory, Cordelia, Myrtle, and Coco were upstairs when the slaughter took place, and they were able to escape to Langdon’s profound irritation. Still, a deal’s a deal, and Dinah is promised 13 episodes of her own talk show in exchange for betraying the witches. 13 episodes seems weak sauce — that’s less than three weeks for a daily talker. She should have held out for a full season pickup.

Back home, which I think is in Los Angeles — these witches are really racking up some Southwest points going between New Orleans and Los Angeles, and considering since there is only one direct between LAX and MSY which leaves at 7:35 a.m., I’d love to see the footage of Cordelia or Langdon hanging out at Hobby waiting for their connection, which sends me on another tangent: I suppose Langdon has to fly private because how the hell is he going to get Mrs. Mead and her ARM-15 through TSA?

Anyway, I digress — back at home in Los Angeles, Langdon pouts about not having killed Cordelia. Mutt and Jeff, who are listening in through Mrs. Mead and controlling her responses, are like, “Yeah, that sucks, buddy. But let’s focus on the bigger picture: the apocalypse! If you end the world, you’ll end the witches!” Langdon appreciates the scope of the vision but wonders how, exactly, he’s supposed to bring about the end of the world? Maybe run for President? He could become an ambassador and get really close to the President?

Instead, Mutt and Jeff via Mrs. Mead suggest that about he return to Google the robotics lab and brainstorm.

Once there, Mutt and Jeff give Langdon a list of the most powerful 100 people on the planet, including Kim Jong Asshole, Putin, Buffet, Clinton — but Bill, not Hillary — and explains that they are the Illuminati. But they’ve rebranded as something called “The Cooperative.”

Also, too, they have sold their souls to the devil so, like, Langdon totally owns them. Langdon is all, “That’s cool and all, but then what? If magic couldn’t bring about the end of the world …?”

But Mutt and Jeff are like, “nuclear weapons, dum-dum. Just … go talk to the Illuminati.”

Meanwhile, the remaining witches have taken refuge in Misty Day’s swamp refuge, sans Misty who is off galavanting with Stevie Nicks, presumably helping her with her lawsuit against Lindsey Buckingham. Cordelia astrally projects herself back to Miss Robichaux’s to see the carnage for herself and discovers that when she tries to blow life back into her witches, they vanish, instead. Madison is all, “Oh did I forget to mention the thing where Langdon can obliterate someone’s soul, and make it a though they never existed? Sorry, I see now in retrospect that this might have been relevant information.” Cordelia still slaps her across the face because GOD DAMMIT. Her anger turns to tears, wondering what they can possibly do now to stop this piece of shit and Myrtle is like, “Well, I have one idea …”

Myrtle explains that it is possible Mallory might have the power of time travel and might be able to go back and warn them or do something. Problem is, time travel is only a theoretical power: there is no documentation of a witch actually accomplishing it, and most of the witches who attempt it, die.

But Mallory is game, so they fill a tub of water while Myrtle gives Mallory a date: July 1918, and a place: Siberia. Anastasia Romanov was being held prisoner with her family when one night her family was herded into a basement and shot to death. Anastasia, who apparently was also a witch, attempted to do a protection spell for her family but failed. And how Myrtle or anyone else knows this is a mystery BUT OK. They are going to send Mallory back to that time to help Anastasia for proof that the spell works.

Long story short: Mallory does go back in time, she helps Anastasia with her protection spell for a hot minute until Mallory lets go of Anastasia’s hands and is yoinked back into the present, and the Romanovs are all shot dead. Again.

Still, Myrtle isn’t completely despondent, and points out that Mallory made it back to the past, she just needs time to develop her powers. Cordelia argues that Mallory will never fully come into her powers until she gets off the stage and then blathers about her mother, Fiona, for a while. Myrtle assures Cordelia that she is not Fiona — that the fact that Cordelia is even worrying about being like Fiona demonstrates that she is not Fiona, and that the coven still needs her.

Still, the coven could use some assistance, so they head back to the Hawthorne School to confer with John Henry and Mr. Chablais, only to discover that they and the young warlocks have also been massacred and, adding insult to literal injury, had their body parts arranged into a pentagram. Which just seems like a lot of work to go through for a simple “fuck you.”

Also, Game of Thrones called and wants their schtick back:

Back at Google Mutt and Jeff’s, Ms. Venable is packing her things when Mutt and Jeff explain that they can’t accept her resignation: the end of the world is coming and they need her to be the administrator of an outpost that will shelter a lucky few survivors. Even better: she can make up her own rules and run the outpost as she sees fit. She will be 100% in charge.

So Venable WASN’T lying. Interesting.

Finally, Langdon has his Illuminati meeting:

There, he introduces himself as the antichrist, tells the masked collective that the world will be ending shortly, but adds there’s good news! They’ll be building sanctuaries where they will all ride out the nuclear holocaust in style. Cool? Cool.

Alright, so this episode really feels like the first part of a two-part finale, and in that vein, I’m going to hold off the comments until the next episode which I am going to publish right after this. We good? Good.

Link to the next episode here.


March 2012: Michael Langdon is born inside the Murder House. His mother, Vivien dies in childbirth; his father is murdered by murder ghosts; his twin is stillborn. Michael is raised by his next-door neighbor and his sorta-grandmother (it’s complicated), Constance.

2013-2014: There is a power struggle in the witching world when the Supreme witch, Fiona Goode discovers she is dying of cancer and blames the younger witches. Eventually, Fiona succumbs to death, and her daughter, Cordelia, assumes the mantle of Supreme. Marie Laveau is murdered by Delphine LaLaurie and descends to Hell.

2014: Cordelia reveals the existence of witches; The Hawthorne School for Exceptional Young Men is burned down.

2015: Constance raises young Michael who begins killing small animals Michael Langdon murders his nanny. Michael grows into a man overnight and tries to kill Constance. Constance realizing she was out of her depth commits suicide in Murder House, joining most of her children.

Ben Harmon then takes over raising Michael. Michael is rejected by Tate and turns even darker, murdering some new residents of Murder House and obliterating their souls.

The Church of Satan finds Michael at Murder House and perform a dark mass to help bring Michael into his full powers. Vivien attempts to murder Michael, and he tries to obliterate her, but Tate saves her at the last moment. Michael leaves Murder House and Vivien and the other ghosts never see him again.

2015: Queenie checks into the Hotel Cortez and is murdered by Mr. March. Sometime after, Cordelia resurrects Myrtle sensing that something bad is coming.

2016: Cordelia attempts to rescue Queenie from the Hotel Cortez but fails.

June 2017: Michael Langdon, being raised by Mrs. Mead, kills a butcher, is rescued from prison by Ariel Augustus and brought to the Hawthorne School for Exceptional Young Men.

July 2017: The warlocks test Michael’s abilities and petition Cordelia to have him perform the Seven Wonders. She refuses. Michael then rescues Queenie and Madison from the afterlife. Cordelia has an apocalyptic vision and agrees to allow Michael to take the test of the Seven Wonders.

Back in New Orleans, Coco’s father enrolls his daughter at Miss Robichaux’s. At Hawthorne’s, John Henry is killed by Michael’s caretaker when he tries to leave for New Orleans to discuss Michael with Cordelia.

Two weeks after Cordelia’s vision, Michael passes the test of the Seven Wonders, bringing Misty Day back to life in the process. Cordelia sends Behold Chablis and Madison Montgomery to Los Angeles to investigate Michael’s childhood.

Madison and Chablis learn about Michael’s history from Constance, Ben, and Vivien. They bury Moira’s bones near her mother’s grave and Madison helps Violet see that Tate was controlled by the evil of the house. Tate and Violet have their happily ever after.

Cordelia convinces Dinah to summon Papa Legba who agrees to help Cordelia against Langdon in exchange for the souls of all of her witches. Cordelia declines.

Madison finds Bubbles, a witch who can read people’s souls, and she confirms that Ariel and Baldwin killed John Henry and intends to kill the coven.

Cordelia, believing Mallory is the next Supreme, has her perform the Seven Wonders and resurrect John Henry. Upon returning to life, John Henry reveals that a woman killed him. Somehow the witches determine this woman is Mrs. Mead. The witches kidnap her, and she, Ariel and Baldwin are burnt at the stake.

When Langdon discovers their bodies, he vows revenge on the witches and retreats to the wilderness to learn what’s next. Eventually, he finds his way to a Church of Satan where he reveals his identity and is worshipped. One of the members of the church introduces him to Mutt and Jeff, robotics geniuses, who build him an android Mrs. Mead.

2018: Langdon and his android kill most of the witches at Miss Robichaux’s Academy, though Cordelia, Mallory, Coco, Myrtle, and Madison survive.

The surviving witches go into hiding in Misty Day’s swamp house, and Myrtle and Cordelia try to teach Mallory how to time travel. Her trip back to post-Revolutionary Russia to save Anastasia is mostly unsuccessful.

Cordelia and Myrtle go to Hawthorne Academy to solicit the help of the remaining warlocks, but they have all been slaughtered.

Meanwhile, Mutt and Jeff introduce Langdon to The Cooperative — The Illuminati — and suggests that he use them to hasten a nuclear war. Langdon calls a meeting of The Cooperative to introduce himself as the son of Satan and to explain his plan for nuclear annihilation and the whole outpost scheme. Mutt and Jeff invite Ms. Venable to run one of the outposts.

April 2020: A nuclear war kills off most of humanity. A small group of survivors, including Coco St. Pierre Vanderbilt, Mr. Gallant, Grandma Joan, Dinah Stevens, Andre Stevens, Stu, Timothy Campbell (Adam) and Emily (Eve) reside in an outpost run by Ms. Wilhemnia Venable, her second-in-command Miriam Mead and their soldiers on behalf of a mysterious group called The Cooperative.

October 11, 2021: The outpost is visited by a higher-up in The Cooperative, an adult Michael Langdon. He reports that the other outposts run by The Cooperative have either been overrun or about to be.

October 2021: Langdon interviews Gallant and Venable. Timothy and Emily discover Ms. Venable’s rules are fake. Gallant murders his grandmother. Ms. Meade bleeds white.

October 31, 2021: Brock sneaks into the outpost and kills Coco. Ms. Venable and Mead poison a trove of apples, killing the other residents of the outpost. When Ms. Venable tries to kill Langdon, Mead turns the gun on Venable, killing her. Witches Cordelia, Madison, and Myrtle arrive at the outpost and revive their “sisters:” Coco, Mallory, and Dinah.

American Horror Story: Apocalypse airs on FX on Wednesdays at 9/10 p.m.

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