A quick note about this post: this week is the start of the broadcast networks’ fall season, and (not-quite) all of the shows are premiering. Because I couldn’t come up with pithy comments about 60 shows, I’ve copied some of the broadcasters’ descriptions of the episodes. I hope you can forgive my laziness.
MONDAY
The Big Bang Theory: “Koothrappali insults physicist Neil deGrasse Tyson and starts a Twitter war.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
The Resident: “Chastain Memorial Hospital suffers a blackout that requires the staff to treat their patients without the help of any technology.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., Fox
The Voice: Season premiere. 7 p.m., NBC
Dancing with the Stars: Season premiere. 7 p.m., ABC
Young Sheldon: “Sheldon dismantles the refrigerator.” Season premiere. 7:30 p.m., CBS
Magnum P.I.: All the Ferarris and Hawaii, none of the mustache. Series premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
Bull: “Bull returns to work following his heart attack.” Season premiere. 9 p.m., CBS
The Good Doctor: “Shaun’s proposed treatment for a homeless patient puts him and Jared in Andrews’ crosshairs.” Season premiere. 9 p.m., ABC
Manifest: Not Lost. Series premiere. 9 p.m., NBC
Jane Fonda in Five Acts: A documentary about the extraordinary life of Jane Fonda. 7 p.m., HBO
Bravo’s Play by Play: Jerry O’Connell hosts this new talk show that tries to make Bravo shows palatable to men. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Bravo
No Greater Law: A look into a Christian sect that refuses medical treatment, and as a result has a high child mortality rate. Sounds like light-hearted stuff! 9 p.m., A&E
TUESDAY
The Gifted: “Reeva Payge purges the Inner Circle of those who disagree with her, and she emerges as their sole leader.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., Fox
NCIS: “A month after the Director Vance kidnapping, Gibbs is named acting director in his absence while the team searches worldwide for his whereabouts.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
This Is Us: “Randall, Kate, and Kevin find themselves on new paths as they each celebrate their 38th birthday.” Season premiere. 8 p.m., NBC
FBI: The FBI fbis. Series premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
Lethal Weapon: Bye, Riggs. Bye, boy, bye. Season premiere. 8 p.m., Fox
NCIS: New Orleans: “Pride fights for his life in the ICU, and the team scours the city for the hit woman who attempted to assassinate him.” Season premiere. 9 p.m., CBS
New Amsterdam: Handsome doctor yells about bureaucracy. Series premiere. 9 p.m., NBC
Mr. Inbetween: An ex-con tries to reenter real life and deal with his anger issues in this Australian dramedy. Series premiere. 9 p.m., FX
WEDNESDAY
Empire: “Cookie and Lucious are still in the midst of picking up the pieces two years after losing Empire to Eddie Barker.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., Fox
The Goldbergs: “It’s Adam’s 16th birthday, but his parents are distracted by Barry and Lainey’s engagement.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., ABC
Chicago Med: “Goodwin finds herself quickly clashing with the new hospital COO.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., NBC
Survivor: Season premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
American Housewife: “Katie goes back to work.” Season premiere. 7:30 p.m., ABC
Chicago Fire: “Boden… clashes with new Assistant Deputy Commissioner.” Season premiere. 8 p.m., NBC
Modern Family: “The Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker clan get together at the annual Fourth of July parade.” Season premiere. 8 p.m., ABC
Star: “Star returns home from touring, and Alex and Simone’s fates are finally answered.” Season premiere. 8 p.m., Fox
Single Parents: Single parents parent. Series premiere. 8:30 p.m., ABC
Chicago P.D.: “Antonio takes charge, but Ruzek undermines his authority.” Are all these Chicago dramas just about employees not getting along? Season premiere. 9 p.m., NBC
A Million Little Things: thirty-something meets This is Us in your newest emotionally manipulative show. Series premiere. 9 p.m., ABC
South Park: Season premiere. 9 p.m., Comedy Central
Big Brother: Season finale. 8:30 p.m., CBS
THURSDAY
The Good Place: “Michael intervenes in the near-death accidents of Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani and Jason on Earth, in hopes that a second chance at life allows them to become better versions of themselves.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., NBC
Grey’s Anatomy: “The doctors at Grey Sloan Memorial vie for a new position.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., ABC
Law & Order: SVU: “Benson and Rollins confess to some major life changes.” Season premiere. 8 p.m., NBC
Mom: “Christy has second thoughts about law school.” Season premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
Murphy Brown: “Murphy decides to return to the airwaves as the host of a cable network’s morning news show.” Series premiere. 8:30 p.m., CBS
How to Get Away with Murder: “Annalise selects students for her new legal clinic at Middleton.” Season premiere. 9 p.m., ABC
S.W.A.T.: “The SWAT team engages in a standoff with human traffickers holding child hostages when a major earthquake hits Los Angeles.” Season premiere. 9 p.m., CBS
FRIDAY
King Lear: Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson star in this adaptation of the classic Shakespearean drama. Amazon
Chef’s Table: Season five. Netflix
Last Man Standing: Tim Allen is back. How long before he starts “tweeting on Ambien?” Series premiere. 7 p.m., ABC
MacGyver: “Mac puts aside his differences with his father and returns when he hears Jack is the target of a murderous dictator he double-crossed.” Season premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
The Cool Kids: Vicki Lawrence, Martin Mull, David Allen Grier, and Leslie Jordan in a retirement home comedy by the Sunny guys. Series premiere. 7:30 p.m., CBS
Hawaii Five-0: “After Steve’s CIA agent friend is killed, McGarrett lets himself be captured by the group he thinks is responsible and endures a torturous sensory deprivation tank to find the killer.” Um, what? Season premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
Hell’s Kitchen: Season premiere. 8 p.m. Fox
Blue Bloods: “Danny takes on a personal case involving a drug cartel member, Louis Delgado, who Danny believes is responsible for torching his house.” Season premiere. 9 p.m., CBS
Truth & Lies: Jonestown, Paradise Lost: A look at the 1978 massacre 40 years later. 7 p.m., ABC
Wynonna Earp: “Wynonna has a run in with the Revenants that leads her to an unexpected revelation about the curse.” Season finale. 8 p.m., Syfy
Outcast: “Kyle reluctantly teams up with the mysterious stranger in an attempt to finally end the possession threat.” Season finale. 9 p.m., Cinemax
SATURDAY
Saturday Night Live: Adam Driver & Kanye. 10:30 p.m., NBC
Phantom Thread: A 1950s tailor becomes obsessed with a working-class woman in this Oscar bait film. 7 p.m., HBO
SUNDAY
America’s Funniest Home Videos: Season premiere. (Except in Houston.) 6 p.m., ABC
The Simpsons: Basically, you know that movie about the boy who claims to have gone to heaven? Heaven is Real? That, but with Bart. Season premiere. 7 p.m., Fox
Bob’s Burgers: “Tina decides to disguise herself as a boy and sneak into the Boyz 4 Now auditions.” Season premiere. 7:30 p.m., Fox
God Friended Me: God stalks a dude on social media. Series premiere. 7:30 p.m., CBS
Family Guy: “Brian meets and falls in love with a woman named Jess, who reveals she has cancer.” Season premiere. 8 p.m., Fox
NCIS: Los Angeles: “Gravely injured and unable to communicate with the team in the U.S., Callen, Sam and Kensi, with an unconscious Deeks in tow, search for a safe way home as a cartel boss places a “dead or alive” bounty on their heads.” Season premiere. 8:30 p.m., CBS
Fear the Walking Dead: Hey, remember how I was going to blog this season? Yeah. Season finale. 8 p.m., AMC
Insecure: Season finale. 9:30 p.m., HBO
“Fear the Walking Dead: Hey, remember how I was going to blog this season?”
Why, yes, I do. When does that start?
-Jim
Good lord there are 18 things on this list that I will be watching. I did a poor job of clearing out the DVR in preparation. Also…
Fear the Walking Dead: Hey, remember how I was going to blog this season? Yeah.
LOL
I would have voted for you to do Magnum PI, just to show you that the Orville isn’t the worst fate you could get, but it wasn’t a choice. You got off easier with Manifest, methinks.