50 things to be excited about this fall, because we all need something to look forward to right about now

Hi. I made you another gallery. This time it’s 50 shows to be excited about this fall. I only have your best interests at heart. Keep that in mind when you vote on which show I should blog this fall.

Yep, Indianapolis Dolt is offcially your next Bachelor, as predicted.

Fox News — which is the worst, if you had somehow forgotten — posted a whole story about how former “Cosby Show” actor Geoffrey Owens was spotted bagging groceries in a Trader Joe’s, I guess to embarrass or shame him for making an honest living? “Fuck those guys,” said a beautiful outpouring of other actors and artists — both liberal and conservative — who stood behind Owens, reminding everyone that acting doesn’t always pay the bills, and there’s much to be proud about in making an honest living.

Alright, casting directors, the ball’s in y’all’s court now.

Reminder: Laura Ingraham (despite being one of the people who tweeted in support of Owens) is a goblin.

The biggest media stories of the weekend that weren’t about Geoffrey Owens involved the funerals of Aretha Franklin and John McCain (which when taken together was something of a master class about race and religion in America). McCain’s funeral, in particular, became the biggest story of the weekend thanks to his daughter and The View panelist, Meghan McCain’s powerful, fiery and beautiful tribute to her father.

“We gather here to mourn the passing of American greatness,” said Meghan McCain. “The real thing, not cheap rhetoric from men who will never come near the sacrifice he gave so willingly, nor the opportunistic appropriation of those who lived lives of comfort and privilege.”

She added about her father: “He was a great fire who burned bright,” she said in a speech punctuated by sobbing. “A few have resented that fire… but my father never cared what they thought.

“The America of John McCain does not need to be made great again, because America was always great.”

I have never been a fan of Meghan McCain, particularly of her performance on The View, and not (just) because she is a conservative. My problem with McCain on The View has always been that she was brought on to serve as the conservative voice on the show, but that she isn’t a Trump supporter — and in fact, for deeply personal reasons, she hates Trump. Which is fine! However, the result is she spends all of her time sort of defending Trump’s policies and views, believing herself as the only person on the show who is qualified to understand conservative America and what Trump voters are thinking. But she does so while also protesting that she does not necessarily agree with them. I, for one, do not need a Trump voter whisperer. I know what motivates them racism resentment “economic anxiety,” and I do not require Meghan Fucking McCain to smugly inform me that I just don’t get it and am not listening to the other side.

All of this is a long way of saying that at her father’s funeral, her true values stripped of partisanship shone through: love of country, of service and our system of government — all things that her father valued and represented. If she could be more that person on The View instead of trying to serve as a half-assed defense of the Republican party as seen through the prism of this awful fucking president, she would be a much more significant and important addition to the conversation.

William H. Macy genuinely seems like a supportive guy.

YOU WON’T HAVE ROSEANNE BARR TO KICK AROUND ANYMORE. Or something.

Without Dean, there is no Supernatural, something I’m sure Ackles agent was thrilled to hear.

Frank Darabont is still suing The Walking Dead and Robert Kirkman in case you were wondering.

And now Teresa Giudice is suing rapper Chief Keef for invasion of privacy after he used a picture of the inside of her house for the cover art of his newest project — even though this was the same house she filmed The Real Housewives of New Jersey in for eight seasons. But ok.

Local news be wild.

Time’s Up

After Ariana Grande performed at Aretha Franklin’s funeral, Bishop Charles H. Ellis III pulled the singer up to the microphone, held her there, his hand in an inappropriate place. The Bishop has since apologized, but not until after a whole Twitter hashtag was started and some people got caught up in the whole controversy.

CBS is not kicking that asshole out of the Big Brother house, and their reasons why are bullshit. Meanwhile, CBS wants out of the Charlie Rose lawsuit, BUT I THINK NOT.

Another cast member Southern Charm has been accused of sexual assault and rape and the story is ugly.

Robin Wright believes Kevin Spacey deserves a second chance. Oh, Robin Wright, that is robin wrong.

CNN is pulling all episodes of Parts Unknown that feature Asia Argento.

Some shitbag showed up at the Venice Film Festival wearing a “WEINSTEIN IS INNOCENT” t-shirt because he’s a shitbag.

In Development

Mark Your Calendars

WATCH THIS

Bachelor in Paradise: DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BABIES WITH THESE IDIOTS, COME ON. 7 p.m., ABC

The Purge: “They really shouldn’t make shows like this, I think it’s just wrong.” –my mother on The Purge based on the trailers she’s seen while watching reruns of Law & Order SVU. Series premiere. 9 p.m., USA

Mayans M.C.: The Sons of Anarchy spinoff that has been discussed for literally years now is finally here. Series premiere. 9 p.m., FX

Making It: The final three crafters create a dream wedding background in the series finale. MAKE IT! 9 p.m., NBC

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Ethan Hawke, Lil Rel Howery, Meek Mill Late Night with Seth Meyers: Chris Cuomo, Jerrod Carmichael, Ruston Kelly, Allison Miller & Pearl Aday The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: John Krasinski, Yvonne Orji The Late Late Show with James Corden: Alice Eve, Mark Duplass, Wyatt Cenac, Dorothy Jimmy Kimmel Live: Rami Malek, Jennifer Love Hewitt, the Lemon Twigs The Daily Show: ??? Watch What Happens Live: Ashlee Simpson, Evan Ross

 

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Bachelor in Paradise
(new)
Castaways
(new)
CBS NCIS
(repeat)
Bull
(repeat)
NCIS: New Orleans
(repeat)
CW The Flash
(repeat)
The Outpost
(new)
Local
FOX Beat Shazam
(new)
Love Connection
(new)
News/Local

 

NBC America’s Got Talent
(new)
Making It
(new)

 

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