“America loves the HurryCane!” — an actual commercial CNN ran last night. God damn it, get it together, CNN.

Harvey Update: The water is receding, and it’s clean-up time. Currently, our family is trying to help four different families who are in the process of mucking out their homes (for y’all who are not in Texas, mucking is what it sounds like, pulling up carpet, ripping out sheetrock, removing furniture, etc.). For those of you who are in Texas, here’s a way you can help: the same guys who created an interactive shelter map have created a muck map where homeowners who need help mucking out their house can be matched with volunteers who want to help. Sign up or share the map.

Oh my god, in the middle of their Harvey coverage, CNN broadcast a commercial for a cane called — and I’m not making this up — a HurryCane. “Americans love the HurryCane” is the tagline in a sketch that is not from Mr. Show with Bob and David. “I love my HurryCane!” says one woman who is not a Saturday Night Live actor.

OOH, is Cher going to appear on American Horror Story this season? PROBABLY. And considering her outspoken politics, I wouldn’t be surprised if she even appears as herself. Here’s a collection of everything else we know about this season.

Nick Viall is now saying that he is finally, for reals, totally, completely, forever done with The Bachelor. OK.

Aside from Game of Thrones, was there really a break-out show of the summer? I mean, aside from the circus that our President has provided? ~shrug~

In Development

Casting News

R.I.P.

Richard Anderson, Actor

Shelley Berman, Actor

Alan MacDonald, Production Designer

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

Little Evil: You had me at Adam Scott and Evangeline Lilly.  Netflix

Diana: 7 Days: Hey, it’s another Diana special. This time with commentary from her sons. 7 p.m., NBC

American Masters: Texas filmmaker and visionary Richard Linklater is profiled. 9 p.m., PBS

SATURDAY

Westworld: Check out the original Yul Brynner film that the show is based on. It’s really fun! 9:45 p.m., TCM

2001: A Space Odyssey: I don’t think I’ll ever really understand this movie, but it is a masterpiece. 7 p.m., TCM

Demon Seed: This, however, is a 1977 film about a supercomputer that decides to have sex with its creator’s wife. So kinda like Her, but not at all.  11:30 p.m., TCM

SUNDAY

Twin Peaks: Who even knows what craziness we can expect with this finale. WHO EVEN KNOWS. 7 p.m., Showtime

Psycho Wedding Crasher: I mean, do you even need me to tell you what this Lifetime movie is about or can you figure the whole thing out from the title? 7 p.m., Lifetime

Office Space: “Well, I wouldn’t say I was missing it, Bob.” 11:30 p.m., Comedy Central

 

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Shark Tank
(repeat)
What Would You Do?
(repeat)
20/20
(repeat)
CBS MacGyver
(repeat)
Hawaii Five-0
(repeat)
Blue Bloods
(repeat)
CW Masters of Illusion
(new)
Masters of Illusion
(new)
Penn & Teller:
Fool Us

(repeat)
Local
FOX Masterchef
(repeat)
Beat Shazam
(repeat)
Local
NBC Diana: 7 Days
(repeat)
Dateline NBC
(new)

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC College Football: Alabama vs. Florida State
(live)
News/Local
CBS Hawaii Five-0
(repeat)
Criminal Minds
(repeat)
48 Hours
(repeat)
News/Local
FOX College Football: Louisville vs. Purdue
(live)
News/Local
NBC America’s Got Talent
(repeat)
Dateline NBC
(repeat)
News/Local Saturday Night Live
(repeat)

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC ABC Fall Preview
(new)
College Football: West Virginia vs. Virginia Tech
(live)
CBS 60 Minutes
(repeat)
Big Brother
(new)
Candy Crush
(new)
NCIS:
Los Angeles

(repeat)
FOX College Football: Texas A&M at UCLA
(live)
NBC NFL Special
(new)
America’s Got Talent
(repeat)
American Ninja Warrior
(repeat)
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