MONDAY
People of Earth: YAY THE BEST SHOW STARRING WYATT CENAC ABOUT SPACE ALIENS IS BACK YAY! Season premiere. 9:30 p.m., TBS
Midnight, Texas: Sex demons reside in a Texas town or something, I don’t know. It’s a Charlaine “True Blood” Harris series, so there’s that. Series premiere. 9 p.m., NBC
Somewhere Between: In this weird new series, a mother learns that her daughter is going to be murdered … by someone … in the future … and she has to try to prevent it. Series premiere. 9 p.m., ABC
TUESDAY
Bizarre Foods America: Andrew Zimmern explores Texas cowboy food in the season premiere. 8 p.m., Travel
Dance Moms: Abby Tells All: ~cue fake tears~ 8 p.m., Lifetime
WEDNESDAY
Date Night Live: In this voyeuristic new series, we watch people as they go on awkward dates, as if life isn’t awkward enough. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Lifetime
The Real Housewives of New York City: Más Mexico. 8 p.m., Bravo
Alfred Hitchcock marathon: Vertigo, North by Northwest, Psycho. 8 p.m., TCM
THURSDAY
Stephen King’s It: So scary even for a miniseries! 10 p.m., Spike
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Samantha Bee visits for a mini-Daily Show reunion. 10:30 p.m., CBS
FRIDAY
Room 104: The Duplass Brother’s new project in which a new story takes place in the same hotel room each week. Frankly, I’ll watch anything the Duplass Brothers do. Series premiere. 10:30 p.m., HBO
The Incredible Jessica James: Jessica Williams, who is incredible, stars in this Netflix original movie. Netflix
The Last Tycoon: A 1930s Hollywood drama that stars Matt Bomer, so sign me up. Series premiere. Netflix
SATURDAY
Still Star-Crossed: Hey, it’s the season finale for the one Shonda Rhimes show that no one watched. 9 p.m., ABC
Episodes marathon: So underappreciated. 6 p.m., Showtime 2
Baby Mama & Sisters: It’s a Tina & Amy mediocre movie marathon! 7 p.m., Cinemax
SUNDAY
Teen Wolf: Final season premiere! Until they bring it back! 7 p.m., MTV
Shark School with Michael Phelps: Good news! Shark Week and Michael Phelps are back to disappoint you once more time! (Especially if you think this will be Michael Phelps being taught by sharks.) 7 p.m., Discovery
Game of Thrones: Cersei “returns a gift.” Ruh-roh. 8 p.m., HBO