Let’s meet the guys ABC picked to date the Bachelorette and cringe so hard

If you haven’t already met these dumb yahoos, I made a gallery of the Bachelorette contestants for Chron.com the other day. If you people love me, you’ll start sending me box wine or Spec’s gift cards right now. I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS SHIT:

adam and the dummy
YOU EXPECT ME TO GET THROUGH THIS SOBER?

Here’s a mush-mouthed piece on how they recruited the most diverse cast ever that does not actually reveal anything at all. Oh, you looked for the best people you could find? Enlightening.

Apparently, Bachelorette Rachel is engaged to one of these chuckleheads. My condolences.

In Other TV News

This is a reminder that 12 Monkeys returns tonight, and Syfy is doing a binge of it all weekend.

And this is a very long piece that should serve as a reminder that Twin Peaks returns this weekend , too. Here is a piece about Fire Walk With Me, one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

David Lynch didn’t watch all of the second season of Twin Peaks either.

Bust out the tuna, Oh, Hello is coming to Netflix!

Ryan Murphy being all cryptic and shit: 

AHS Season 7: Red, white and blue clue

A post shared by Ryan Murphy (@mrrpmurphy) on

The Walking Dead is never going to die.

Johnny Depp is offering to play Trump for SNL. Pass. And I know he did one for Funny or Die. Still, pass.

Oh, lordt, they are shopping Last Man Standing around. HARD PASS.

Those fuckers in the Trump administration are trying to pull back the net neutrality rules. If you enjoy streaming services, here’s why you don’t want that.

News News

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

The Keepers: This series looking into the murder of a nun might be your new Making a Murderer. Netflix

12 Monkeys: This is back and Syfy is basically binging it over the course of three days, so make sure your DVR has room. Season premiere (finale will be on Sunday). Syfy

Toy Box: Two-hour season finale. 7 p.m., ABC

Undercover Boss: Season finale. 7 p.m., CBS

SATURDAY

Saturday Night Live: Dwayne Johnson & Katy Perry 10:30 p.m., NBC

The Wizard of Lies: The Bernie Madoff movie starring Robert DeNiro. 7 p.m., HBO

Training Day: Series finale. 8 p.m., CBS

SUNDAY

Twin Peaks: IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN. Series premiere. 8 p.m., Showtime 

2017 Billboard Music Awards: Musicians are given prizes. 7 p.m., ABC

Bob’s Burgers: Season finale. 6:30 p.m., Fox

The Simpsons: In the season finale, dogs’ lives are found to be more valuable than humans’. True. 7 p.m., Fox

Making History: Series finale. 7:30 p.m., Fox

Family Guy: Season finale. 8 p.m., Fox

Madam Secretary: Russia is acting like an asshole in the season finale. 8 p.m., CBS

Into the Badlands: Season finale. 8 p.m., AMC

Shades of Blue: Season finale. 8 p.m., NBC

Elementary: Season finale. 9 p.m., NBC

American Gods: So, Laura. 8 p.m., Starz

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Katy Perry, Josh Charles, Al Madrigal The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Jennifer Garner, Demetri Martin, Paula Poundstone Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Terrence Howard, Iggy Azalea

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Toy Box
(new)
20/20
(new)
CBS Undercover Boss
(new)
I Love Lucy Special
(new)
Blue Bloods
(repeat)
CW The Originals
(new)
Reign
(new)
Local
FOX Maid in Manhattan
(new)
Local
NBC First Dates
(new)
Dateline NBC
(new)

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC American Housewife
(repeat)
Downward Dog
(repeat)
20/20
(repeat)
20/20
(repeat)
News/Local
CBS NCIS: New Orleans
(repeat)
Training Day
(new)
48 Hours
(new)
News/Local
FOX MLB: Rangers at Tigers
(live)
News/Local
NBC Stanley Cup Playoffs
(live)
Saturday Night Live
(repeat)
News/Local Saturday Night Live
(Dwayne Johnson & Katy Perry)

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(repeat)
Billboard Music Awards
(live)
CBS 60 Minutes
(new)
60 Minutes
(new)
Madam Secretary
(new)
Elementary
(new)
FOX Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)
Bob’s Burgers
(new)
The Simpsons
(new)
Making History
(new)
Family Guy
(new)
Local/News
NBC Dateline NBC Shades of Blue
(new)
Advertisements

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