‘The Real Housewives of New York City’: Dorinda’s got something to say

The Real Housewives of New York
“The Etiquette of Friendship”
April 26, 2017

Where we left off: At Ramona’s Hamptons dinner party with Dorinda telling Princess Politics that she has a giant file on Sonja and is not afraid to use it.

Where we begin: With Sonja arriving at Ramona’s dinner party with Tinsley Rudolph Mortimer, chirping that she intends to be nothing but cordial to the women she’s been talking shit about in the press for the last few weeks.

And for about two minutes, everyone is cordial.

Dorinda finally meets this Tinsley character and everyone is nice nice. Tinsley is all “blah blah Palm Springs blah arrest blah blah blah” and Dorinda insists that no one is judging her (yet). Upon learning that Sonja has put Tinsley in her daughter’s old bedroom instead of “the bridal suite,” The Countess insists that Tinsley demand the better room, because who wants to bring guys back to a room filled with stuffed animals. And no one asks this, but more importantly, HAS ANYONE ASKED SONJA’S DAUGHTER IF IT IS COOL FOR STRANGERS TO BE BOINKING IN HER BED?

monkey-tongue-out-gross-spy-in-the-wild

Elsewhere, Princess Sereness fills Sonja in on Ramona ambushing Bethenny on her skin flick, and tries to come up with a justification for uninviting Ramona to her Election Night party. HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF UNINVITING RAMONA, YOU JUST DON’T DO IT AT ALL? DON’T THROW THIS PARTY, CAROLE, I AM BEGGING YOU. I AM SCREAMING AT YOU FROM THE FUTURE THAT THIS PARTY IS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND YOU SHOULD JUST SPEND THE ENTIRE EVENING ALONE IN A BATHROBE WITH SEVERAL BOTTLES OF WINE FOR YOU AND YOU ALONE.

Dinner, which Ramona insists was prepared by her (there is no way it was prepared by her), is served. As the ladies take their seats, Dorinda mentions that though she was The Countess’ guest the night before, tonight she is staying with Ramona? Which is why Ramona had to uninvite Sonja as her guest? Even though in theory, Dorinda could have just continued staying at The Countess’? This seems silly and unnecessary and petty. But then, that’s the logline for this entire show, so.

Sonja tries to be magnanimous about the whole thing and notes that she and Tinsley can see The Countess’s house from the stranger’s home they are staying in, and Dorinda wonders if Sonja doesn’t want to go report what she’s seen to some blogger somewhere.

This officially begins the portion of the evening in which the proverbial shit hits the proverbial fan.

here we go oh brother .gif

I present to you a collection of things that Dorinda yelled at Sonja after accusing her of talking about her and The Countess to some unnamed blogger:

dorinda shut your mouth rhonydorinda fraud and liar rhonydorinda fraud rhonydorinda townhouse toilet rhonydorinda vaginal rejuvenation rhonydorinda pathetic delusional fool rhony

dorinda holland tunnel vagina rhony
(All gifs from the amazing realhousewivesgifs.tumblr.com.)

pearl clutch ms j

And that’s just the half of it. Dorinda also yells at Sonja to go put on her housecoat and LARP Grey Gardens some more, she breaks out the stripper picture from the bachelorette party and passes it around, and then finishes her rant by yelling at Sonja to go get herself a bag of bananas and cucumbers.

With that, some anonymous guy proposes a toast to their hostess. “To Ramona? Cheers?”

Meanwhile, Bethenny arrives to pick up Her Highness, and quickly realizes the Very Good Decision she made to not attend the dinner party.

But before Princess Poland can leave, she has a bit of uninviting to do. She approaches Ramona and explains that she knows that Ramona doesn’t really want to attend her Election Night party, so Her Caroleness is graciously letting her off the hook. “Oh, no, I’m coming,” promises Ramona to Princess Serene’s deep chagrin. “No, really, you don’t have to, it’s really VERY unnecessary,” Our Polishness replies. When Ramona demands to know if she’s being disinvited (which is rich considering what she did to Sonja) Princess Radziwill assures her that no such thing is happening. She just thinks it’s in everyone’s best interest that Ramona not attend. AND IN FACT, PRINCESS, IT’S IN EVERYONE’S BEST INTEREST THAT NO ONE ATTEND. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ELIZABETH WARREN, CANCEL THIS PARTY.

Elsewhere, Dorinda is yelling at Candace “Sex and the City” Bushnell that she’s not doing well, for some reason. It’s unclear what Carrie ever did to Dorinda.

The next morning, The Countess hosts a brunch that Dorinda and Ramona and Sonja and Tinsley attend and everyone pretends that nothing happened the night before and everything is fine and perfect and no one yelled at anyone else about their vaginas.

Back in the city, Tinsley meets Dorinda and The Countess for dinner, where they briefly discuss the surprise party Dorinda is throwing for Ramona’s 60th birthday. Dorinda notes that Sonja hasn’t RSVP’d yet, and Tinsley assures her that Sonja will be attending. This leads to a whole discussion about Sonja and Dorinda and the flare up at Ramona’s and The Countess wonders why Sonja isn’t joining them today. Tinsley explains that she didn’t invite Sonja: she was under the impression that Sonja wanted her to make friends separately and won’t think a thing of it. In an interview, Dorinda calls Tinsley’s choice, “courageous.”

Oh, and the ladies discuss Tinsley’s arrest some more, but only in dumb vague terms, making the conversation so much less interesting than it should be.

Meanwhile, Sonja is back at the townhouse, talking to her new French boyfriend and washing her underpants in her bidet, as one does.

Later, Dorinda visits Fudgie at his dry cleaning castle, brings him lunch.

who cares sophia

Elsewhere, Bethenny stops by Her Highness’ royal apartment where she visits with the royal pets: Baby the dog, Baby the kitten and Baby the other kitten.

who cares I don't care judge judy.gif

Finally, it would seem that Sonja does, in fact, think something of Tinsley going out without her, and proceeds to whine about it to her assistant Connor. Tinsley happens to walk in during the middle of this and overhear Sonja bitching that Tinsley had been invited to some charity gala that she had not. Which seems like a Sonja problem and not a Tinsley problem but then I’m not a member of New York society, so what do I know.

Tinsley confronts Sonaj about it, pointing out that the people who invited her to this event are dear friends of hers, and RIGHT ABOUT NOW SHE COULD USE ALL THE FRIENDS SHE CAN GET, YOU KNOW WITH THE ARREST AND THE STARTING HER LIFE OVER AND EVERYTHING.

Sonja whines that she was also excluded from Tinsley’s dinner with The Countess and Dorinda and that it’s just polite to include your hostess in all of your plans always. And for some reason, they hug and makeup.

But then Sonja notes that it’s not okay for Tinsley to bring guys home and into her daughter’s bed, which Tinsley had apparently done sometime earlier in the week. And you know what? “Please do not fuck strange people in my child’s bed,” is not an unreasonable thing to ask of your houseguest! But the best way to avoid that your houseguest not fuck a strange people in your child’s bed is to put the houseguest in a different bed altogether, you know, like the one in the upstairs apartment?

the-more-you-know

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The Real Housewives of New York airs on Bravo on Wednesdays at 8/9 p.m. and washes all of her delicates in the bidet. What? Don’t you?

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