Watch late night’s takes on yesterday’s batshit insane Presidential press conference because they are the only ones qualified to handle this mess.

H’OH BOY.

As I was writing my daily post yesterday, Trump was holding his first solo press conference as President and boy, was it a doozy. Even Fox News’ immediate response was “Wow. Well, all righty then, that was some press conference.”

I mentioned his attacks on the media in yesterday’s post, but there was so much happening, there was so much crazy, that it is impossible for a lowly TV blogger to get her arms around: Aside from yelling about “VERY FAKE NEWS!” and demanding “nice questions” from the press, because that’s their job, apparently, is to offer only “nice questions” that he “likes,” there was also suggesting that a black reporter set up a meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus for him because they are “friends” of hers; yelling at a Jewish reporter to be quiet and sit down after the reporter asked a question about rising anti-Semitism; claiming that he had the largest electoral college win since Reagan, only to be corrected on the spot by NBC’s Peter Alexander; talking about his fucking ratings; informing us that nuclear holocaust is a bad thing; invoking Clinton’s name countless times; insisting that he inherited a “mess”; claiming that illegal drugs cost less than a candy bar; suggesting that he might blow up the Russian submarine that was off our coast and that people would love him for it; and, perhaps the most important and damning part of the entire press conference, claiming that the only reason he fired Mike Flynn was because he lied to Pence about his calls to the Russian ambassador — not because he illegally discussed lifting the sanctions in those calls, because, in fact, Trump would have told him to do just that.

Oh, and did I mention that the ostensible reason for the press conference was to introduce his new Labor Secretary, Alex Acosta, whom he never brought out, and whom he talked about less than CNN’s Jim Acosta? I mean.

anderson-cooper-shock

CNN was the primary target of Trump’s ire, attacking them again and again, at one point saying in the same breath that he both watches CNN and that he does not watch it anymore. WHAT INSANITY IS THIS? Trump appears to feel he deserves kinder coverage from CNN thanks to his relationship with CNN head Jeff Zucker who greenlit The Apprentice back in the day — which Trump seemed to confirm during the press conference when he snarled at CNN’s Jim Acosta, “Okay, well ask Jeff Zucker how he got his job…”

As for Jeff Zucker, he pointed out that CNN en Español being pulled in Venezuela is what happens when an authoritarian regime doesn’t like a network’s coverage. ~cough, cough~ Zucker also had a brand survey performed to see if Trump’s “FAKE NEWS” nickname for the network is working: it’s not.

And CNN’s take on the press conference:

But CNN isn’t the only network reeling from Trump’s performance yesterday. Fox News’ Shep Smith openly called Trump crazy yesterday shocking liberals. (A lot of whom apparently didn’t know that Shep Smith is his own creature and does not speak for all of Fox News. My point being, everyone can just calm down, this is not Fox News turning on Trump):

You’ll be surprised to learn that Trump supporters were none too happy with Smith:

If you missed the press conference, the late night hosts are literally the best equipped people to help catch you up:

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton and Kate McKinnon had dinner together last night. I’d give my eye teeth to hear their thoughts on the press conference.

In other TV news

As noted yesterday, American Horror Story‘s seventh season is going to be about the 2016 election because, honestly, has anything ever been scarier? Here’s everything else we know about the season: Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters are committed. The end.

Oh, and Tina Fey totally predicted this season of AHS — back in April 2016.

Feud: Bette and Joan teasers are here, and they’re pretty great:

Can you believe Triumph the Insult Comic Dog has been pooping on things for 20 years now? If you’re a fan, you should read this very long, very interesting piece on some of Triumph’s greatest hits.

Sara Ramirez, formerly of Grey’s Anatomy, is really mad at The Real O’Neals for making a joke about bisexuals.

You’re getting less Chelsea Handler for your buck: Handler’s Netflix show is going from three nights a week to one in its next season, which begins in April.

In development

Amazon is developing Late Bloomers, a comedy from Ben Stiller’s production company.

Living With Yourself, a comedy from a former Daily Show producer, has been greenlit by IFC.

HBO bought the David Bowie documentary, David Bowie: The Last Five Years.

Casting news

Premiere Dates

Syfy has a new cosplay competition? And it’s hosted by Yvette Nicole Brown? Called Cosplay Melee? And it’s coming out next month? How have I not heard about any of this until now?

Review is returning on Comedy Central on March 16th for its final, darkly hilarious season.

Strike a Pose, a documentary about Madonna’s backup dancers on her 1990 Blonde Ambition tour, will air on April 6 on Logo.

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

Chef’s Table: The porniest food porn that has ever porned. Season premiere. Netflix

Hawaii Five-0: That Madison Gray maniac is making trouble again, this time pleading amnesia. 8 p.m., CBS

The Happening: WHAT IS HAPPENING? 8:35 HBO Zone West

SATURDAY

Planet Earth II: The most spectacular nature program ever is back. Watch this. No, seriously, this. This is the thing to watch this weekend. 8 p.m., BBC, AMC, Sundance 

Britney Ever After: Get the clippers. 7 p.m., Lifetime

The Legend of Tarzan: There are worse ways to spend your Saturday night than watching Eric the vampire run around in a loincloth. 7 p.m., HBO

SUNDAY

big little lies cast.png

Big Little Lies: This miniseries has all of the stars. Don’t look for any of the stars, because they are all here. Miniseries premiere. 8 p.m., HBO

The Good Fight: The spinoff of The Good Wife will debut on CBS, but if you want to see more, you will have to subscribe to CBS All Access. Series premiere. 7 p.m., CBS

Crashing: Pete Holmes stars as a struggling comedian whose life is turned upside down when his wife leaves him. Series premiere. 9:30, HBO

Billions: Season 2 premiere. 9 p.m., Showtime

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Joel McHale, Zoe Kravitz, Ryan Adams The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Julie Andrews, Christina Hendricks, the Umbilical Brothers Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Kandi Burruss, Michael Rapaport

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Last Man Standing
(new)
Dr. Ken
(new)
Shark Tank
(new)
20/20
(new)
CBS MacGyver
(new)
Hawaii Five-0
(new)
Blue Bloods
(new)
CW The Vampire Diaries
(new)
Reign
(new)
Local
FOX Rosewood
(new)
Sleepy Hollow
(new)
Local
NBC Grimm
(new)
Emerald City
(new)
Dateline NBC
(new)

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC Flushed Away 20/20
(new)
News/Local
CBS Ransom
(new)
NCIS: New Orleans
(repeat)
48 Hours
(repeat)
News/Local
FOX 24: Legacy
(repeat)
APB
(repeat)
News/Local
NBC Dateline NBC
(new)
Saturday Night Live
(repeat)
News/Local Saturday Night Live
(repeat)

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(new)
Tangled To Tell the Truth
(new)
CBS 60 Minutes
(new)
The Good Fight
(new)
NCIS: Los Angeles
(new)
Elementary
(new)
FOX Son of Zorn
(repeat)
The Simpsons
(repeat)
The Simpsons
(new)
Son of Zorn
(new)
Family Guy
(new)
Bob’s Burgers
(new)
Local/News
(new)
NBC Dateline NBC
(repeat)
The Paley Center Salutes NBC’s 90th Anniversary
(live)
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