‘The Walking Dead’: Giving up the guns

The Walking Dead
“Service”
November 13, 2016

So, it’s been less than a week since Negan lucilled Glenn, Abraham and Rick’s manhood to death, when Michonne sneaks out of the house with a sniper rifle she has stashed away to work on her target practice. Turns out she’s great with a katana, not so great with a gun.

Meanwhile, back in Alexandria, Negan decides to pay Team Rick an early visit to both take stock of what Alexandria has to offer and keep everyone a little off-balance. And he doesn’t arrive alone: with Negan is a sufficiently large group of Saviors, as well as Daryl, still very much his prisoner. On his way in, Negan kills a forest walker and claims that he’s providing Team Rick a “service” before handing Lucille over to Rick to hold.

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Rick tries to say hi to Daryl, but Negan’s like, “NOPE. NO TALKY, OR I MAKE YOU CHOP PIECES OFF OF HIM LIKE YOU’RE A POLK AND THIS IS AMERICAN HORROR STORY.” Negan then sends the Saviors in to investigate what goodies Alexandria has stashed away.

As for Dwight, he is an asshole to Rosita before sending her and that worthless Spencer guy out to go find Daryl’s motorcycle and bring it back to him. So any nice feelings you might have had towards Dwight after that last episode, you can go ahead and put them aside for now.

While the Saviors drag the Alexandrians’ furniture out onto the street, Negan helps himself to an orange soda — R.I.P. Dr. Denise, and WHERE ARE YOU, TARA? — until one of the Saviors brings out Deanna’s video camera and shows Negan the interviews she did with wooly Rick, oh so long ago. Negan: “AWESOME, LOL.”

Negan then asks about Maggie, adding some gross comments about how widows “go empty inside” making them more vulnerable to the likes of him. That is when Father Not-So-Worthless-After-All pops up, freaking Negan out in the process, informs Negan that Maggie is dead, and takes him to see her grave. SORRY SHE WON’T GET TO BE YOUR NEXT “WIFE,” ASSHOLE.

Negan’s disappointment is interrupted by a gunshot. When he and Rick go to investigate, they find Carl holding a Savior at gunpoint in the infirmary, growling that they are only allowed to take half, not all of their medicine. Negan is impressed, but tells Carl that half is what he says it is, adding that if Carl doesn’t put down the gun, he’ll hurt more people. Carl complies, and then Negan demands all of their guns which is perhaps how he really should have started this entire raid.

Rick leads Negan to the armory and pantry, and after making fun of Pantry Lady’s weight, because that’s the kind of guy he is, Negan demands that Rick thank him for not taking any of their food. Rick declines.

Meanwhile, out in the woods, that worthless Spencer kid makes some “Rick is a shitty leader” noises while they dig Daryl’s motorcycle out of the spot where he had hidden it. Rosita then heads further into the forest and with a great deal of panache kills the Saviors-turned-walkers who were with Dwight when he killed Dr. Denise, relieving one of them of their gun. That Spencer kid is all, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT,” to which Rosita has to explain that Negan is going to take all of their guns so they’ll need to resupply. Oh, and also, too, “Shut it, dink.”

Back in Alexandria, Pantry Lady’s meticulous accounting of the guns is her undoing when the ledgers reveal that two guns are unaccounted for. Negan promises to lucille her if Rick doesn’t hurry up and find the missing weapons.

So Rick calls a quick meeting at the church to bring his fellow residents to Jesus: “Negan’s in charge, I can’t stop him, FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY, HELP ME FIND THESE GUNS.”

Father Optimistic-All-of-a-Sudden helps Rick search Deanna’s house for the gun, all the while burbling that he is pretty everything is going to work out just fine. DO YOU? DO YOU THINK THAT?

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And that’s when Rick notices a floor vent. Opening it, he finds the missing guns and a little stash of food and booze that Spence tucked away last season. GOD DAMMIT, SPENCER.

Outside, one of Negan’s goons is super-creepy with Enid, who he demands beg him to be able to keep some balloons. On the upside, she’s out of that closet, so.

Meanwhile, Rick delivers the missing guns to Negan just as Rosita and Spencer return with the motorcycle, and Michonne sneaks back into the compound with a deer she managed to kill, presumably by throwing her gun at it. Rick tells Michonne that he knows about the gun, and urges her to turn it over to Negan, lest he find out about it later and kills more people to punish them. Michonne complies. BUT SHE DOESN’T LIKE IT.

Rick, thinking that he has given Negan everything he has asked for and then some, takes a chance and asks if Daryl can stay in Alexandria. Negan is all, “Sure! If Daryl pleads his case to stay, maybe I’ll be convinced! Daryl?” But Daryl remains silent — except for maybe blinking something to Rick in Morse code. But who knows.

Dwight then offers Daryl his motorcycle, but Daryl isn’t talking to him, either.

Finally, trucks packed and Saviors ready to roll, Negan demands again that Rick thank him before he leaves. Rick does, but only after thinking REALLY HARD about smacking Negan upside the head with Lucille, which he is still walking around with. Negan takes Lucille back while adding that he just “slipped [his] dick down [Rick’s] throat and [Rick] thanked [him] for it” — a line that waaaaaaay too many Walking Dead comic fans were a little too eager to hear on the show.

After the Saviors drive away, Rick gives Spencer the whatfor over hiding the guns and booze and snacks (BUT SNACKS THO). In return, Spencer gets all sassy with Rick and blames him for Abraham and Glenn’s deaths, prompting Rick to threaten to knock Spencer’s teeth out if he says something like that ever again.

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Rick starts spreading blankets down on his bedroom floor because I guess it’s bedtime even though it appears to be about 2 o’clock in the afternoon? Michonne grouses at him for not being willing to fight back, and Rick explains that it’s just simple math: they don’t have the numbers, not even with those pussies over at Hilltop. Rick then out of NOWHERE begins talking about how Baby is actually Shane’s daughter, not his, but he loves her anyway, and it’s his job to keep her alive. I mean, OK, that’s a weird way for that to come to light, BUT SURE.

Later,  in the same field where she had been hunting earlier, Michonne discovers that THOSE ASSHOLES took all of their mattresses AND BURNED THEM for NO. GOOD. REASON. other than that they are ASSHOLES. This, Michonne rightly decides, is some BULLSHIT.

Finally, Rosita finds an empty shell casing, takes it over to Eugene’s house and asks him for a favor: “Make me a bullet.”

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HOT TAKE: Negan = Trump. I DON’T HAVE TIME TO OVER-EXPLAIN. NEXT EPISODE.

The Walking Dead airs on AMC on Sundays at 8/9 p.m.

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