‘The Walking Dead’: Couples skate

The Walking Dead
“Go Getters”
November 20, 2016

Obviously, Maggie isn’t dead. Obviously.

Instead, Maggie and Sasha, Alexandria’s inaugural members of the “Negan Bashed My Boyfriend’s Head in With a Baseball Bat” club, headed to Hilltop so that Other Dr. Carson could take care of Maggie. The bad news: Maggie has suffered Abruptio Placentae, in which the placenta detaches from the uterus. The good news: the baby is healthy. The somewhere-in-between news: Maggie should take it easy for a few days and remain at Hilltop for the remainder of her pregnancy so that This Dr. Carson can take care of her — which maybe should have been the plan in the first place, and had they implemented it earlier, Abraham might have been alive today. Something to chew on.

After her checkup, Maggie and Sasha visit Glenn and Abraham’s actual graves there at Hilltop, where Maggie leaves her father’s pocket watch. While they discuss what they should do next, Jesus swings by with some flowers (blue to inspire strength and calm — SHUT UP, YOU’RE CRYING).

But then that doucheface, Gregory, arrives and is like, “Hey, remember when you said you were going to kill all the Saviors and then you didn’t? Yeah, I’m going to need you to dig up your boyfriends’ bodies, set them on fire, and GTFO, thanks.” Jesus is all, “Come on, dude,” and negotiates their hanging around for at least the night. When Jesus reminds Gregory that Maggie is pregnant, Gregory is all, “That’s a her problem, not a me problem,” lest we’d forgotten that Gregory is a ripe asshat.

Meanwhile, back in Alexandria, Rick interrupts Carl’s unsuccessful game of solo darts (having only one eye really messes up your depth perception) to try to get him to join him on a supply run, but Carl is NOT INTERESTED. DAD. Instead, he’s distracted by Enid, who is busily scaling the wall. Carl asks her what, exactly, she thinks she’s doing, and she explains that she needs to go see Maggie. Carl allows her to leave without following …

…for about one hot second. As she makes her way down the road on a bike, a walker approaches, only to be mowed down by a car driven by Carl. However, Carl doesn’t know how to drive, and ends up wrecking the car badly enough that they can’t use it, and the two of them have to walk to Hilltop even though TWO SECONDS AGO THEY HAD A BIKE AND A CAR.

As they make their way down the road, Carl tells Enid that he watched Glenn and Abraham’s deaths so that the memory of them will motivate him to kill Negan once he has the opportunity. So that’s healthy and definitely a plan.

Somewhere down the road, Carl finds a backpack with, conveniently, two pairs of roller skates which even more conveniently, apparently fit them. Holding hands they skate their way down the bumpy, rocky highway.

LOL OK YES TO THIS.

Back at Hilltop, Sasha asks Jesus to try to negotiate Maggie remaining at Hilltop — in exchange, Sasha will leave and scavenge for Maggie’s share. Jesus, for reasons I don’t understand, has Abraham’s brake light necklace and gives it to Sasha which is totally cool and not weird at all considering that Abraham’s previous girlfriend made it for him.

brake-light-neckalce-twd

because-you-need-to-stop-twd

Maggie and Sasha go to bed, only to be awoken by Jean Sibelius’ “Finlandia” blaring from a parked and welded shut Ford Pinto; fires set around the compound; the gates wide open and walkers pouring in. Oh, and their trailer door is locked shut. Climbing out from a sunroof, Sasha begins fighting the walkers, while Maggie orders others to help. Jesus does his part, dispatching walkers with a kick to the head, a method of killing that none of us even realized was a possibility until this preposterous episode. As for Maggie, she ends up driving a tractor over the car, finally silencing the music.

bitches-get-stuff-done

The next day, Gregory is all, “thanks for saving Hilltop but yous gots to go, bye.” Sasha offers to leave if Maggie can stay, to which Gregory makes some nasty comment about “meeting with [her] one-on-one.”

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And that’s when the Saviors return. Jesus hides Maggie and Sasha in a closet while Gregory receives that creepy Savior Simon dude…

savory-simon

…welcoming him and his merry band of henchmen to Hilltop. The two men retreat to Gregory’s office where Simon explains that they attacked Hilltop to remind Hilltop that they require the Saviors’ protection. Circular logic, but OK. Simon then tells Gregory about the attack on the Saviors’ compound, but he assures that the people who waged the attack — Team Rick, real “go getters” — are working for them now.

With that, Simon asks Gregory if there is anything else he’d like to share with him, and Gregory is like, “WHY YES, FOLLOW ME TO THIS HALL CLOSET.” Gregory opens it, expecting to reveal Maggie and Sasha, but all he finds inside is a box full of booze which Simon happily accepts, along with that painting that Gregory is inordinately proud of. Simon then demands that Gregory kneel before him, and Gregory does while Jesus watches in disgust.

Meanwhile, Carl and Enid arrive at Hilltop, where they see the Saviors’ trucks. Enid asks Carl to BE COOL and not go after Negan, to come to Hilltop with her instead. Carl and Enid share a baby kiss, and Carl promises that he’s going right back to Alexandria, HE SWEARS.

Inside Hilltop, Jesus reveals to Gregory that he hid Maggie and Sasha in Gregory’s bedroom because HE KNEW Gregory was a deceitful little shit who would sell them out in a heartbeat. Jesus then informs Gregory that Maggie and Sasha are staying and if Gregory doesn’t like it, Jesus will reveal to the Saviors that he made a deal with the Alexandrians, and he’ll lose all of his plausible deniability.

And that’s when Maggie notices that Gregory has Glenn/Hershel’s pocket watch, so she punches him in the face. OH, AND HER NAME ISN’T MARSHA OR HONEY. IT’S MAGGIE RHEE AND HE BETTER CALL HER THAT.

breakfast-club-punch-judd-nelson

Gregory leaves and Jesus is all, “OH EM RHEE, BE OUR LEADER MAGGIE,” except more cryptically. After Maggie leaves, Sasha asks Jesus to follow the Saviors to find out where Negan leaves and he’s all, “Cool, will do.”

Maggie heads back to Glenn’s grave which she finds has been decorated with green balloons by Enid. Later, Enid, Maggie and Sasha have dinner together and Maggie gives Enid the watch, explaining that she doesn’t need it to remember Glenn by: “we have us.”

Oh, and as for Jesus, he climbs into the back of one of the Saviors’ trucks, only to discover that Carl is along for the ride, too. WELL, GREAT. SUPER. WAY TO MAKE TROUBLE, CARL.

one-does-not-keep-track-carl-walking-dead

The Walking Dead airs on AMC on Sundays at 8/9 p.m.

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