“Hu a’e ke ahi lanakila a Kamaile”
October 14, 2016
Alicia comes to on the floor of ADA Serena Southerland’s home. Her hands are duct taped and there’s a GIANT HONKING KITCHEN KNIFE sticking out of her back.
drum drum drum BUMMER OF A BIRTHMARK, HAL.
Rewind to Serena’s office 18 hours earlier. Moonlight plays the interview close to the chest. Alicia all but jumps up and yells DETECTIVE LAU WAS MURDERED! YOU’RE THE SERIAL KILLER!
Kamekona is focus grouping Boomer and Grover on a new subscription offering – shrimp malasadas. Grover literally throws up in his mouth, but I don’t know y’all. Shrimp and fried dough? Dial back the sweet a touch and I think you’d have something there.
Grover begs to differ. He doesn’t care what you call it – malasada, Hawaiian donut, tropical waffle – “you just can’t put seafood in it.” He goes back to the truck for a beverage refill and a random fanboy moment with Otis Wilson, linebacker on the ’85 Chicago Bears team. And scene.
Kamekona asks Boomer about Adam. Who? Oh, you know. John Winchester’s other son. The one who’s still in the cage. In Hell. With Lucifer.
What is it with Adams on my shows? It’s been ages since Mr. Boomer has been mentioned. She says his lawyers leveraged an episode I don’t remember watching for early parole. He’ll be home in a few days. Kamekona says they deserve to be happy.
Which all but guarantees Adam will be dead before the end of the season because no one on this show can have nice things.
Alicia calls McG from inside Serena’s house. She says the shrink has files on the murdered serial killers plus two more they didn’t know about. Oh, and a medieval chess set with seven missing pieces – the king and queen are now in play. Alicia tells Moonlight to just come and arrest her and he’ll stumble on to all the evidence they need. Case closed. McG thinks this is a terrible, horrible, no good plan.
We’re through the looking-glass when Moonlight is the voice of reason.
Still, he goes to the house to make sure Alicia is okay. He finds her blood spattered phone on the floor. And then Serena stabs him in the back with the big honking kitchen knife.
Two hours later the team decide Moonlight’s tardiness for a briefing on the serial killer case is perhaps cause for concern. Aces detective work, kittens!
Bleeding out on the floor. Bleeding out on the floor. Bleeding out on the floor. Alicia and Serena take turns analyzing each other. Serena breaks Alicia down by taunting her about her profiler daughter Sienna who – surprise! – was murdered by a serial killer.
“Never play psych games with a shrink.”
Serena steps outside to greet two guests. Alicia IDs them as Donald and Mallory Witten. She says the FBI has been looking for them for over 10 years. Serena isn’t going to kill Alicia and McG. They are. It’s personal for the Wittens. Alicia arrested Donald years ago and Mallory helped him escape. They’ve been waiting for this for a long time.
The Wittens drive them out to the place where I’m pretty sure Desmond killed Kelvin and Claire released the seagull with the message. Moonlight and Alicia are forced into a blow hole. The Wittens like their deaths poetic. Alicia has a phobia about drowning. Who doesn’t have a phobia about drowning, amirite?
Alicia is in a full-blown panic before she even hits the water. Girl, I feel you. My heart was pounding and chest felt tight throughout this whole scene, so. She decides the best course of action is to cling on to McG like a barnacle. She’s not wrong, but that’s not going to find them a way out.
McG scouts under the water for a passage to open water. Another wave comes in, buffeting Alicia. When Moonlight comes back up with a handful of kelp, Alicia is gone. He finds her floating just under the surface. She’s not breathing. A few rescue breaths soon bring her back to consciousness. Alicia is like, no wait! I might still be drowning. Mouth to mouth me again!
Moonlight ties himself to Alicia with the kelp and begins the slow climb out. Because that seems like a viable option when you’ve both been stabbed in the back only hours earlier. I’ll chalk it up to Moonlight’s super special vampire healing powers. He reaches the top and hears the sound of approaching sirens.
The Wittens hop in the van. So they were just hanging out? If they were going to stay, shouldn’t they have lingered by the blow hole to make sure McG and Alicia didn’t escape? Anyhoo, Jin and Boomer cut them off before they can flee. Shooting, shooting, shooting, shooting. The Wittens go down.
Moonlight and Alicia make their way to the parking lot as the shooting stops. Jin pulls a blanket from the trunk. McG wraps it around Alicia. She holds out her arm to him and Moonlight is like, no I’m good. My super special vampire drying powers will kick in here in a minute. Alicia grabs him by the arm and pulls him under the blanket next to her.
“You order the well done truck?” McG meets Grover the next morning next to the carcass of his pickup. Serena seems to have disappeared after torching it. Grover is confident that they’ll find her. McG says, no. She’s gone. They’ll never find her.
Cut to Beverly Hills. A newly brunette Serena is having dinner with her online date. When she said her favorite fairy tale was Jack the Ripper, he knew he had to meet her.
The Oahu Tourism board is happy to say this episode has been brought to you by Match.com and E-Harmony.
This is Whitney, inviting you to be with us next week. Be here, Friday at 8:00 p.m. on CBS. Aloha.