Hawaii Five-0
“Makaukau ‘oe e Pa’ani”
September 23, 2016
Moonlight wheels himself into Tripler Army Medical Center’s quiet, candle lit chapel. He contemplates how much closer he came to dying this time than all the other times before. He hears a noise and realizes he’s not alone. The camera slowly pushes in on the man seated in the pew.
drum drum drum KILL IT WITH FIRE! NUKE IT FROM ORBIT! IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO BE SURE!
Sweet buttery Jebus! Y’all, I’m pretty sure they actually exhumed and reanimated Jack Lord’s corpse. This is the The Walking Dead crossover event that no one wanted.
Undead, raised by darkest necromancy Jack Lord is waiting for his wife of 45 years to come out of surgery. He asks what McG is in for. Moonlight simply says it’s a “work related injury.” Jack Lord knows something about that. He says he was a cop too.
He tells Moonlight there’s no secret to balancing the job with a relationship. Jack Lord just met the right gal. He’s sure the right woman for McG is out there somewhere. FORESHADOWING! Moonlight ruefully wonders what if he’s already met her, but couldn’t hold on to her? Jack Lord says she wasn’t the right woman, but McG isn’t so sure. He scrubs a hand over his face.
“Sometimes it feels like this job of mine has taken everything good from me.”
One day McG will be able to have nice things. But hey, this job also gave him Danny, so! Moonlight ignores me. He’s beginning to wonder if any of it is worth it. Jack Lord gives him the buck up camper speech. He says Moonlight’s worth is measured in the closure he brings and the people he saves. “That’s your real legacy and the best legacy a man can leave behind is the people whose lives he’s changed.”
“Trust me.”
Moonlight dispels his introspective thoughts with a wheelchair race. He and Caano buzz past Boomer and Grover as they come off the elevator. Boomer immediately puts $10 on “Super SEAL.” Medical personnel scatter as McG and Caano tear through the halls. Moonlight sends his partner careening into a wall with a kick. I’ll allow it. If you ain’t rubbing, you ain’t racing.
Caano responds by knocking over an IV pole – and very nearly the corpsman pushing it. Moonlight tumbles out of his chair and lands in a sprawl on the floor. Caano squeals to a stop, victorious. Grover accepts Boomer’s folding money with a grin.
“That felt really good.”
The four walk into headquarters where they’re greeted by a body on the floor. The man has a clear plastic bag over his head and a handwritten note pinned to his shirt. “I’ve been a bad boy.” Moonlight sends Darla to make the notification to next of kin. He also welcomes her to HPD.
“Badge looks good on you.”
Victim Anthony Lee Hein has been asphyxiated. New medical examiner Meilani opens his mouth and extracts a small foreign object. Not!Brendan Fraser identifies it as hand carved walrus ivory but it still working out what exactly it is. With his findings thus reported, he attempts to engage Caano and Moonlight in a discussion of how hot and single Meilani is. Moonlight hangs up on him.
“Blood relative. Isn’t he?”
Ugh! This kid! I miss Fong. WHITHER FONG?? Caano apologizes for his nephew again some more.
Moonlight takes his meds and opens the door to the first cargument of the season. The donorsremorsegument. Caano complains that Moonlight hasn’t followed any of his post-op instructions. He’s still in the evaluation period. He shouldn’t be driving. And if lack of care causes Moonlight’s body to reject Caano’s liver, he is going to be so cross! Six hours he was in surgery!
“Be grateful. Don’t be ungrateful.”
Caano would just like a little respect shown for his liver. Moonlight shoots back that possession is 9/10’s of the law. Caano gets no say in how McG treats his/their liver.
Caano demands the organ back.
Moonlight slams on the brakes and jumps out of the car. I half expected him to cut out the liver just on general principle. Instead he comes around to the passenger side of the car. If it will shut him up, Caano can drive. Danny says he can’t. Doctor’s orders.
“All these years you’re on at me about driving and now you say no.”
They enlist Jin to drive them to Hein’s home. Jin is suitably impressed with the Camaro’s handling. They arrive to find signs of a struggle and two keys that lead them to the Palekaiko Resort. Moonlight and Caano and Boomer and Jin split up to check out the two rooms.
Jin takes a call from a Mexican investigator. He’s doing a background check on Sarah’s aunt and uncle to make sure that, unlike her father Gabriel, they’re not international criminal masterminds. Sarah is ohana. Boomer thinks spending time with the girl and making her pancakes that look nothing at all like a T-Rex has given Jin the bug.
Jin admits that having a family of his own is something that has crossed his mind. Boomer wonders what he’s waiting for now that Darla is staying for good. Yeah, maybe he should have that conversation with Darla first. Feel her out on the subject. I mean, she has a kid, and the pregnancy and delivery were kind of traumatic.
Although I do agree that “Auntie Boomer” has a nice ring to it.
The teams enter the rooms. In each they find two bodies with THEIR EYES BURNED OUT OF THEIR FOOL SKULLS EEEEP!!
I guess they didn’t get the warning about spying on an angel’s true visage.
So are angels this season’s big bads? Are they going to summon one to the Blue Room of Interrogation? Where would one even source holy oil on the island? Does Kamekona know a guy? Truly this IS the SuperH50 crossover I’ve been waiting for!
In one of the rooms the TV is tuned to the hotel’s welcome channel. This murder really is sponsored by the Oahu Tourism Board!
Newly elected Governor Keiko Mahoe arrives on scene. She insists they need to keep this quiet and out of the press. Visitors need to feel safe. They can’t jeopardize the state’s tourism industry. Oh, kitten. Show has been killing tourists in their hotel rooms for six seasons. This ain’t even the tourism board’s whole day.
When Moonlight balks, Governor Mahoe says she was told never to underestimate the Five-0 Task Force. They have her full support. “So do your job and make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
Grover meets with a reporter to ask him to hold the story. But first, Kamekona pitches him on a new business venture. He says it’s going to be bigger than Google. The Kamekona Klub is a subscription based service that will deliver a new island delicacy each month. Dude, shut up and take my malasada money! Kamekona says he’s still working on the R&D for shipping shave ice.
The reporter seems noncommittal at best. Grover walks back to his SUV. There’s another strangled body sitting in the back seat. This one also has a piece of ivory in his mouth. Meilani gets a hit on his prints – David Larsen.
Moonlight and Grover go to Larsen’s home. Scrawled out in blood on the front door is the message, “You’re Welcome.” They enter the house and stop short as they hit an invisible wall of odor. Grover goes outside to call the ME’s office. Moonlight presses on. He opens the door to the basement and the sound of buzzing flies is audible.
Mahoe summons Moonlight to her office. The discovery of eight bodies is all over the local news and has been picked up by the mainland. The hotel murders as well. So far all Five-0 has is speculation. They believe Hein and Larsen were both sending photos of their victims to a third person and that he may be their killer. “A serial killer murdering serial killers.”
The governor finds herself in an untenable situation and is crystal clear in her directive to Moonlight. “Do for me what you did for Governor Denning – make problems like this go away.”
Hurley joins the team at HQ with new information. He tells them the calling cards are 11th century ivory chess pieces identical to a set owned by a couple who have been missing for eight years. The only suspect in that crime is recent parolee Pierre Shaw. His interview with Moonlight and Caano is interrupted by the shackled girl screaming for help in Shaw’s murder closet.
Shaw flings himself through his apartment’s sliding glass door and scampers down the front of the building, balcony by balcony. Moonlight follows because of course he does. Caano sees to the victim. The walls of the murder closet are covered in egg cartons used for soundproofing. That’s a lot of eggs.
Parkouring through the streets. Parkouring through the streets. Parkouring through the streets. Seriously though, this is a terrific chase scene. Kudos to actor Jesse LaFlair and stunt coordinator Jeff Cadiente.
Jin joins McG in the foot chase. Just when he seems to have Shaw cut off, the man spider monkeys his way up a staircase.
He must be all jacked up on Mountain Dew. Moonlight pursues Shaw across the rooftops but is forced to a halt when his incision reopens. Jin and Boomer stay close behind, but Shaw eludes them by running into another hotel.
Moonlight gets patched up as SWAT assembles and a perimeter is set. Caano brings him a fresh shirt. I bet he keeps a couple of full changes of clothes for McG in the trunk of the Camaro, just in case. Moonlight asks about Shaw’s intended victim. Caano is like she was locked in a murder closet for five days whatever GO TO THE HOSPITAL ALREADY.
Moonlight says he’s fine. Caano calls shenanigans. “I’m going to put that on your tombstone. ‘He said he was fine. He was wrong.'”
Moonlight fixes his partner with a look.
“I love you.”
Caano sits with the statement a moment.
“I love you too.”
McDanno is canon.
They stoptryingtogetyourselfkilledgument until Danny walks away in frustration. Moonlight calls him back and offers a heart liver felt thank you. Not that that means McG is going to sit on the sidelines. I love you means never having to say I’m going to stand down.
When the rest of the team voices their concerns, Caano tells them to save their breath. “He’s determined to have my noble sacrifice be in vain.” Caano calls after McG to talk to Jin if he needs any more organs.
Shaw is flushed out onto the hotel’s roof. He makes a desperate leap to an adjacent building. Moonlight is again close behind but stutter steps to a stop when Caano yells at him not to do it. Good thing too. Shaw makes it but only just. He hits the side of the building and loses all his momentum. He can’t get a hand hold and free falls to his death. Unless he also has a titanium pelvis, which with this show, you never know.
After all this running, Boomer could use a beer. Caano and Moonlight both beg off. They can’t drink. Doctor’s orders. Moonlight also declines the offer of consolation wings. After breaking every post op rule there is to break he’s going to head home and rest up. He tells Caano he might even take a couple of days off.
Moonlight gets home and hears a thump in the kitchen. Whoever was there is gone, but they left an ivory chess piece behind on the table.
My guess is that Doris is somehow connected. Because she’s the worst.
This is Whitney, inviting you to be with us next week. Be here, Friday at 8:00 p.m. on CBS. Aloha.
Whitney is also watching Supernatural. Follow her on twitter @Watcher_Whitney.
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