The Real Housewives of New York City
June 15, 2016
After a nice long holiday break, The Countess returns to her self-appointed role of being Sonja’s keeper, and begins nagging at her to mend fences with Bethenny. Sonja insists that 1. Bethenny doesn’t want to talk to her, so why should she get all up in her face but 2. Tipsy Girl is in no way competition with Skinny Girl. The people who will be drinking Tipsy Girl don’t want to be skinny, according to all the market research Sonja’s apparently been doing, they’ll be, in her words, “fat, tipsy bitches.” So, enjoy your wine, Sonja Morgan fans!
Sonja then turns the topic of conversation to what hurt her feelings, which was Dorinda excluding her from the Berkshires slumber party, in case you were wondering, which you were not. The Countess is like, “That’s great, but let’s talk about ME! I’m MOVING OUT! Because I’m IN LOVE! And I’m GETTING MARRIED! MAYBE!”
Sonja asks who, exactly, she’s suddenly marrying. When The Countess explains it’s that Tom guy, Sonja’s response in the interview is, interestingly — but not surprisingly — “My Tom?”
Yep, Sonja’s shtupped Tom, too.
Sonja asks how long The Countess has been seeing Tom, and The Countess replies that Dorinda introduced her to him four or five months ago, but they only started dating about six weeks ago — which is REALLY interesting, because Sonja claims she was just “with” Tom a month ago.
But hey, if The Countess is happy, who is Sonja to rain on her upcoming imaginary nuptials?
Elsewhere, Bethenny gathers Jules, Princess Carole, Dorinda and Ramona at a Mexican (“Mexican”) restaurant to invite them to come with her on a business trip to Mexico to taste fancy tequilas. “¡Sí, por favor!” everyone says, but then Ramona has to go and put a damper on things by asking if The Countess y Sonja are invitado. Her Highness Carole sniffs that she will not go if The Countess is going; and then Bethenny takes a vote on Sonja’s fate, basically making them all complicit in the decision to exclude her.
Oh, and Jules tells a terrible story about how she was in New Jersey with her hospitalized father until one in the morning a few nights earlier, and when she came home, her husband had put the children to bed in their school clothes, and then, THEN!, got mad at her when her daughter woke up and wanted a glass of milk. So they seem really happy.
Later, Princess Carole visits Bethenny, where they reveal they went to the Bahamas with their respective boyfriends over the holidays, and then Her Highness and Bethenny talk in weirdly vague terms about Bethenny’s boyfriend, because she clearly doesn’t want him to have anything to do with the show.
Her Serene Radziwill then tells Bethenny that she was upset when she had to give her foster kitten up for adoption, which led her on some sort of profound emotional journey and blah blah blah, the point is, Her Highness is reluctant to make attachments or something, I don’t know, I got bored.
Elsewhere, Dorinda and Sonja meet over manicures where they discuss Ramona and Sonja’s relationship — or lack thereof as the case seems to be. Dorinda tells Sonja that Ramona seems to have chosen sides, and the side she chose was clearly not Miss Morgan’s.
Sonja tells Dorinda that she’s heard about this upcoming trip to Mexico, but doesn’t know if she or The Countess are invited. Dorinda takes an almost glee in informing Sonja that, in fact, she is not invited. Dorinda explains that Bethenny is “being pressured on all sides” to exclude them, and they all just want Sonja to be well. Sonja insists that she’s stopped drinking, and Dorinda tells her that’s super, but there’s also the whole Tipsy Girl thing, so. Sonja wonders what kind of friend would want their girlfriend to give up her business, and, anyway, she has a contract, so what is she supposed to do? Dorinda advises her to just talk to Bethenny one-on-one, explain she had no ill intentions towards her and make everything nice. Easier said than done, Dorinda.
Later, Princess Carole goes over to the Viscount of Croissants’ apartment to have another boring conversation with him about their boring cookbook.
Apparently Ramona has decided to get into the hair extension business which helps explain her hair choices this season.
To promote her new venture on-camera To be a good friend, Ramona invites The Countess to come over to her apartment and have her people add a couple of inches to Her Signature Hairdo©.
As folks fuss over her hair, The Countess tells Ramona’s daughter Avery that about a month earlier, she hired a fortune teller who told her she’d meet her “soul mate” in two weeks time. And sure enough, four weeks ago, she met Tom — who Avery’s mother “knows” — and they are in love! And he wants to marry her!
Ramona smiles tensely, before telling The Countess that she is very happy for her, this is just wonderful news, obviously. Obviously! But, she wouldn’t be a good friend if she didn’t let The Countess know that Tom calls his ex-girlfriend every single day to tell her that he loves her and that he gave this ex-girlfriend a gold bracelet for Christmas.
The Countess will not have it. She declares Ramona’s story untrue and she will not discuss it further.
And furthermore, why on earth would Ramona even say such a thing to her? Why burst her bubble? Ramona insists she was looking out for The Countess, and warns her to “guard her heart.” Which is fair! That is fair advice considering The Countess has been with this man — WHO HAS BEEN WITH TWO OTHER HOUSEWIVES — for either a month or 6 weeks depending on whom she is talking to, and that is just not nearly enough time to be talking marriage! It just isn’t! It just isn’t, y’all. Save your stories about how you married your husband after a week of dating, I’m not interested.
Elsewhere, Dorinda and Fudgie have a dinner date with Jules and her husband who brought along with them a surprise guest: their marital problems. First Jules complains that her husband wants to hire a “hot nanny,” and then she explains that they are late thanks to him. At 6, he told her he would be home in 3 minutes, but did not actually come home until 7:15. AND THEN HE TOOK A SHOWER, which whaaaaaaaaaaa? No. Nope. Nope. NOPE. Time to lawyer up, Jules, because we all know where this is headed. And then Dorinda has four more martinis and offers the couple marriage advice which involves being great people, falling 1000 feet through the air, and getting hit by a car.
Finally, The Countess, decked out in a sharp white suit that is definitely not part of her QVC line, waits at a bar for Bethenny. Bethenny arrives late, and apologizes, explaining that she has been having some alarming medical issues recently, and, not to get too technical here, has been “bleeding like a stuck pig.”
“Cool,” says The Countess, “SO BIG NEWS,: I’M IN LOVE AND I’M GETTING MARRIED! WE ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER! EVERYTHING’S COMING UP THE COUNTESS!”
After going on and on and on and on about her wonderful perfect blossoming love life to an incredulous Bethenny, The Countess then turns and hisses that Ramona was SO RUDE to her the other day, warning her that Tom was giving Christmas gifts to his ex-girlfriend. HOW DARE SHE? Bethenny mentions that Ramona does know the guy, having dated him herself, but The Countess rejects this. THEY NEVER DATED. THEY WENT OUT ONCE OR TWICE. Or seven or eight times, according to Ramona, but sure, OK, whatever, Bethenny is happy for her.
Bethenny then announces that she’s not feeling great, and The Countess is like, “What, are we not going to talk about Mexico?” Bethenny reveals in an interview that she actually had met with The Countess for drinks with the intention of inviting her on the trip, but after this display, she’s rethinking it. But it doesn’t much matter because The Countess goes ahead and announces that YES! She accepts Bethenny’s invitation! She can’t wait to go to Mexico! It’s going to be fabulous! And now, if you’ll excuse her, The Countess simply must leave before the check arrives. Ciao, darling!
The Real Housewives of New York airs on Bravo at 8/9 p.m.
This post originally appeared on the Hearst site http://www.chron.com/.