‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’: Medical mysteries

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Introducing Erika Jayne”
February 9, 2016

So have you heard of cryotherapy? It’s this stupid thing that ladies in Beverly Hills do where they climb into a chamber, naked, and stand in -3,000 bajillionº C for ninety seconds so as to freeze their various clumps of silicone and convince themselves that they are “reducing inflammation.”

caroline-unimpressed-rhonj

Unsurprisingly, Yoyawnda is a huge advocate of this hoodoo because Yoyawnda Foster hasn’t met a quackish alternative health trend that she doesn’t like. Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle agree to do this nonsense with Yoyawnda for some reason, and if you look very very carefully when she enters the chamber you can see Lisa’s vanderpumps. (And for a woman in her “50s” ~ahem~, they’re looking pretty Vanderperky!)

After freezing their botox collections for a while, Lisa Vanderpump, Kyle and Yoyawnda have lunch where Yoyawnda announces that she recently had a very interesting conversation with Lisa Rinna. According to Yoyawnda, Lisa Rinna thinks Yoyawnda has “Hausenmunchen” syndrome, and Yoyawnda is OUTRAGED that Lisa Rinna could think that Yoyawnda has been faking her illness for four years.

“Yeah, it’s called ‘Munchausen’ and that’s not exactly what happened?” Kyle tries to explain, before going on to clarify that Lisa Rinna felt bad about having a conversation about Yoyawnda’s illness with someone who suggested that Yoyawnda had Munchausen — not that Lisa Rinna actually thought Yoyawnda had Munchausen. But Yoyawnda is not interested in facts, she’s interested in giving Vanderbitches a piece of her mind for not standing up for her and defending her when Lisa Rinna discussed discussing Yoyawnda.

AND ANOTHER THING: According to Yoyawnda, Lisa Rinna told her that Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle were discussing whether or not Other One and Boy Child had Lyme Disease. HOW VANDERDARE LISA (and Kyle) BUT MOSTLY LISA. Lisa Vanderpump stammers that in all her years of friendship with The Sultan, he never mentioned the kids having Lyme Disease. But Yoyawnda is like, “O RLY, BECAUSE HERE ARE ALL THEIR MEDICAL RECORDS AND BILLS WHICH HE PAYS FOR,” and tries to shove an envelope in Lisa’s Vanderdirection. Lisa is all, “Oh my Vandergod, no, I do not want your children’s medical records.” BUT YOYAWNDA TOOK TIME OUT OF HER DAY TO COLLECT THESE RECORDS SO LISA VANDERPUMP MUST ADMIT IT TO EVIDENCE AND APOLOGIZE TO THE CHILDREN AND LET THE RECORD SHOW THEY HAVE LYME DISEASE CASE DISMISSED.

Meanwhile, Kyle just tries to remain perfectly still so Yoyawnda won’t notice that she’s sitting there too.

kyle richards shocked eyes rhobh

Also having (a considerably less tense) lunch: Kathryn and Eileen, who discuss the fact that Eileen went out on a couple dates with Marcus Allen, Kathryn’s ex-husband, when Kathryn was dating him; Kathryn’s house renovation; and purses. Despite sounding like it could be interesting, it’s not interesting.

As for the episode’s big event: all of the ladies are driving down to San Diego to see Erika Jayne perform in a gay club during “pervert night.”

pearl clutch ms j
PEARLS! CLUTCH THEM!

Well, all of the ladies but Yoyawnda who has a lot of photocopying of medical records to do.

Erika Girardi packs up her rented tour bus, being sure to bring her necklace that reads “RUNTY” but not “RUNTY” — a word that rhymes with “RUNTY”  — just to scandalize Kathryn.

I love you, Erika. You are becoming my new favorite, Erika.

Erika arrives in San Diego and immediately strips down to nothing so her “creative director” can spray tan her from head to toe, including her jayne. It’s a lot of Erika to take in. So much Erika. All of the Erika.

The other ladies were not invited to hitch a ride on Erika’s tour bus, and instead drive to San Diego in a limo together. There they discuss shoes and handbags and everything is all super great and light-hearted and delightful. But then Lisa Vanderpump Vanderends all that by demanding to know why Lisa Rinna would tell Yoyawnda that she doubted Other One and Boy Child’s Lyme diagnosis. And Lisa Rinna CAN NOT EVEN.

tina fey rhobh shock

Rinna insists she had nothing to do with Yoyawnda hearing about this. Sure, Yoyawnda asked her about the story of Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle Vanderdiscussing the kids at Kyle’s “barbecue” (NOT A BARBECUE), but she was honest with her: she was too far away from the conversation and couldn’t hear anything that was being said. Everyone purses their lips and arch their eyebrows as much as it is physically possible, and agree to not talk about it anymore.

But Lisa Rinna is not letting it go, and before Erika’s show, she and Eileen break down who could have told Yoyawnda. IT’S A MYSTERY! Was it Lisa Vanderpump or Kyle? Well, no, that wouldn’t make any Vandersense … Was it Eileen? Well, no, at least not according to Eileen… Was it Kathryn? Well, no, she’s only been on the show for a hot second and has no reason to throw Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle under the bus … yet. And then the little tiny dim light bulb over Lisa Rinna’s head begins struggling to buzz to life: ERIKA.

But before they can confront Erika, there’s a performance to get through, on the way to which Lisa Rinna shares her theory about Erika and we learn that Kathryn tried to get a handicap parking permit because she lost hearing in one ear. LOL OK SURE.

They arrive at the club and Erika Jayne performs. There is much patting of pusses.

pat the puss erika jayne rhobh

lisa vanderpump tea rhobh

After the show — which the ladies thoroughly enjoy — the ladies join Erika on her tour bus, where she is wearing her “controversial” RUNTY necklace. There is much grasping of pearls, even after Erika explains that it means “sassy” and “sexy” to her, so get over it, it’s just a word. More than a few of them should own it.

They arrive at the hotel where Erika has set up a small after party for the ladies. Here, Lisa Rinna explains the whole Yoyawnda Vandersituation and bluntly asks Erika if she’s the one who told Yoyawnda about the conversation. And just as bluntly, Erika Girardi is like, “NOPE.”

Hilariously, in an interview, Erika literally says, “I am the person who told. 100%.”

I love you, Erika. You are becoming my new favorite, Erika.

Lisa Rinna CAN NOT BELIEVE Erika is just LYING to their FACES, but Erika is like, “Eh, shut up and have another drink,” which is pretty much my entire philosophy in life.

I love you, Erika. You are becoming my new favorite, Erika.

With that the ladies leave the suite and head back to their respective rooms, so I’m pretty sure this is the last that we’ll hear about any of that.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo on Tuesdays at 8 p.m.

This post was originally published on the Hearst site Chron.com.

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