‘Bachelor in Paradise’: I’ll fly away

by Therese Odell, posted in bachelor in paradise: season 10

Bachelor in Paradise
July 28, 2025

Day 9 of Paradise

Right. So. As Day 9 broke on Paradise, we welcomed three new arrivals: Hearing Aid, Frodo, and, finally, Biker Chick who fittingly rode in on … a horse. (It turns out, Horse Girl would have been a more appropriate name for her, as she was really into her horses. On Gerry’s season, she refused to even talk about leaving her property in Washington state because her horse was buried there.)

Upon arriving, Biker Chick notes that she was hoping to see a bunch of handsome men — and she did! They just all happened to be 30 years younger than her.

That said, there is Captain Kim, who, it should be noted, also lives in Washington. Albeit on the coast and nowhere near her horse graveyard, but still!

Elsewhere, Julia Roberts and The One sort things out. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe. He does tell her that his priority is to get to know her better and that there is no one else that he is (currently) interested in, and I’m sure that deaded that conversation, the end.

There’s a fun little interlude where Chicken Dance demands that someone do a body shot off of her, and The One volunteers. Everyone is cool with it except for Regina George, who pleads with Chicken Dance to THINK OF HER CHILDREN, THINK OF HER GRANDCHILDREN!

Ma’am. You admitted on national television that you cheated on your significant other while he was in the OTHER ROOM. You are in no position to be judging other people’s behavior.

Elsewhere, Frodo invites Cheeky Mummy on her date because he’s the only available man they are friends back home, and she’s always had a little crush on him, so let’s see where this goes, right? He agrees, but you can tell there is some reluctance because he’s still hoping Julia Roberts and The One will implode. And they just might! (But they won’t.)

As for Hearing Aid, she invites hot commodity Party Gary to join her on her date, and he happily accepts because Party Gary is always down for a good time.

And genuinely this up there. Mel Owens, our next Golden Bachelor, is out here thinking he should be dating 25-year-olds, while the Golden Bachelorettes can’t get enough of Party Gary, nor can he get enough of them. FIRE MEL.

Oh, hey, another The One and Julia Roberts check-in: she wonders if he’s still open to going on a date if someone new comes in. And for someone who can’t string a sentence together, The One parses his language like a goddamn attorney, telling her that he has “no intention to go on a date,” which sounds like a no, but clearly leaves the door open to the possibility.

As for Cheeky Mummy and Frodo’s date, they have what I think might be the laziest date as of yet: they have a picnic under a tree near the beach. There, they drink out of coconuts. Frodo tries to engage Cheeky Mummy in conversation about the big things: family, goals, what he’s looking for in a partner. Meanwhile, Cheeky Mummy spends the entire time spitting out coconut chunks from his drink.

It’s not romantic. And I think he’s deliberately preventing it from becoming romantic because he still has his eye on Julia Roberts.

Back in Paradise, Jesse Palmer arrives, gives Biker Chick her date card (horseback riding date, duh), and then informs the crowd that they will be participating in another “chemistry test.”

This time, the men will dress up like birds and perform a mating dance. If a woman feels attracted to him, she is invited to dance with him, and the couple determined to have the most chemistry will win an overnight date in the BIP VIP suite.

The men prepare their plummage, and everyone talks about how excited they are for this challenge and possibly winning a little alone time. Everyone, but Overcompensating, this human dumpster, who steps off camera to tell Too Much that he doesn’t want to win the challenge with Selfie, because he’s still wishing he had given his rose to Hannah Brown, Jr.

YOU ARE MIC’D UP, SIR, AND WE CAN STILL HEAR YOU.

The producers are not holding back.

Too Much can’t believe what he’s hearing, is OUTRAGED on Selfie’s behalf, and thinks she needs to know. Great! This is a good start towards redemption, Too Much, and as long as you don’t, I don’t know, get irrationally pissed off about something inconsequential as someone asking you what your favorite color is, you might just leave this show in a better place than when you came in! Which should be pretty easy, right? Since no one would become irrationally pissed off about something that inconsequential, right? I mean, who becomes angry when asked what their favorite color is, right? Only a lunatic, RIGHT?

Meanwhile, Party Gary and Hearing Aid go on their date at the spa where they are greeted by a woman who explains that they are going to experience a “cacao ceremony.” She warns the pair that cacao is a “powerful plant” and that they may experience a “wave of emotions,” including “desire and sensual energy,” but that it’s important to note that PENETRATION IS NOT ALLOWED WITHIN THIS SACRED SPACE.

So the woman pours Party Gary and Hearing Aid some cacao, explains that it is ancestral medicine for indigenous tribes, and that they should enjoy the taste and then “receive the experience.”

Party Gary notes that the cacao tastes “chocolately and bitter.”

Friends, this is because it is chocolate. Cacao is just the unprocessed bean that chocolate comes from. It is not a psychedelic, nor does it alter one’s mental state; it’s just hot chocolate.

And yet, Party Gary and Hearing Aid are over here talking about their fingers tingling and feeling slightly dizzy and seeing things in vibrant colors and needing to move around, they are feeling so sensual.

Back in Paradise, the bird party … or whatever … is about to happen when Jesse Palmer announces, surprise! There’s another new woman joining them:

It’s Allyshia, from Grant’s season, whom I nicknamed Christina Aguilera because she made a dumb genie joke about Grant “granting” her wish or something. Turns out she was also Miss California, 2020, which I don’t remember being mentioned on the show, but she’s leaning into it now.

Christina Aguilera = Allyshia (ABC)

The other women are, unsurprisingly, not thrilled to see her.

Bring out the men birds!

Accent Guy is first, and boldly chooses a diaper/sock combo. This doesn’t deter Llama Drama, who joins him on the dance floor, claiming that she’s putting all of her eggs in one basket. Bird puns!

Golden Retriever and Starla take their turn humping on the dance floor followed by Captain Kim, who is surrounded on the dance floor by many of the women.

Too Much and his hair are next:

They and PowerPoint take over the dance floor.

Curiously, The One decided on the full Mrs. Delauer:

Julia Roberts obviously joins The One on the dance floor, but so does Christina Aguilera. And when The One spots Christina Aguilera, his response is to note, “Oh, this is new!” and turn his back on Julia Roberts. The One continues to dance with Christina Aguilera, and compliments her on her eyes, while The One watches, noting that “his energy is off.”

Oh, you think?

Clark Griswold comes out wearing a t-shirt that reads, “Let’s Flock!” Bird puns!

Overcompensating makes some questionable decisions, including a terrifying leather beak mask and cracking a raw egg on his chest. I mean, I guess if you are, in fact, trying to deter Selfie, that is one approach.

Big Check admits that he is not the best dancer and then goes on to prove it by awkwardly stomping around a bit. But he has one … trick, I suppose, which is that he drops trou, leaving his underpants on the dance floor.

This is good enough for Chicken Dance, who lies down on the dance floor, prompting Big Check to climb on top of her and kiss her, while Death Threat looks on in shock and horror. To my shock and horror, Chicken Dance proceeds to grab Big Check’s panties, put them to her face, and take a deep sniff before shoving them into her cleavage.

MA’AM. REGINA GEORGE WAS RIGHT: THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN. THINK OF YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

All-4-Wells and Hannah Brown announce the three finalists: Accent Guy and Llama; Too Much and Starla; and Big Check and Chicken Dance, before announcing that Too Much and Starla are the big winners of the BIP VIP suite for the night. “We’re gonna flock tonight!” Too Much yells, prompting a horrified Starla to admonish him not to say that. “We’re definitely flocking tonight,” he insists as if her entire family is not watching this on the teevee back home.

As for the rest of them: dance party time!

Except for Death Threat, who, watching Big Check chat up the newcomer, Christian Aguilera, realizes that he’s not interested in her. Death Threat has a sad, and recognizes that she is not going to make a connection in Paradise, not with these dolts.

Death Threat sits Big Check down to tell him she’s leaving. Big Check:

And after saying her goodbyes to everyone else, and removing her eyebrow feathers, Death Threat takes her leave from Bachelor Nation forever, I hope.

Because, girl, you are not reality TV dating material. You are meet-cute-a-hot-palentologist-in-the-museum material. You are accidentally-trip-in-the-library-and-fall-into-the-arms-of-a-6’5″-lawyer material. You are having-a-love/hate-relationship-with-the-surgeon-next-door-until-you-realize-you-are-meant-for-each-other material. You are rom-com-with-a-hot-intellectual material; not Bachelor in Paradise material. Don’t let these men defeat you.

Too Much and PowerPoint make their way to the BIP VIP suite, where, again, Too Much continues to make “flocking” jokes while PowerPoint cringes nearby. She insists she wants to use their time talking and getting to know each other better, and, lightly joking around in the pool, she asks him what his favorite color is.

“NEVER ASK ME THAT QUESTION,” Too Much huffs.

PowerPoint brushes it off and asks, “Green? Blue?” But Too Much is still being an asshole, telling her that this conversation is “embarrassing.”

But he persists: he’s here for a “romantic moment,” not to have “unorganic forced conversations.”

Poor PowerPoint is left wondering what she did wrong.

Girl, run.

Downstairs at the “dance party,” Christina Aguilera is chatting up The One, bonding over their rural upbringings. She calls him “mysterious” (that’s not mystery, he’s just inexpressive) and that she wants to “peel back the layers” (that won’t take long because there aren’t any). They move on to a conversation about wanting families and becoming parents, and eventually Julia Roberts, who is sitting nearby, is like, THAT IS ENOUGH, and dramatically stomps away.

Cheeky Mummy, who has returned from his date with Frodo at this point, joins Julia Roberts and informs her that The One told a group of them that he wants to go on a date with someone else just to watch Julia Roberts sweat.

And the producers roll the clip of The One doing just that.

Julia Roberts, of course, does not see this video, and instead is left to confirm this story with someone else who heard The One say this: Overcompensating. But as we have established, Overcompensating is a human dumpster, and he lies to her face, insisting The One never said that.

Overcompensating then tells The One that all of this is happening, and that it was Cheeky Mummy who told Julia Roberts. So The One confronts both of them, insisting that he never said he’d go on a date with someone else (he did) and that everything was taken out of context (it wasn’t).

Meanwhile, Christina Aguilera takes this time to chat some more with Big Check, who is all, “Let me tell you how awesome I am for the next twenty minutes.”

Oh, and Party Gary and Hearing Aid return to Paradise, eyes fully dilated and pretty sure they are hallucinating all these feathers.

The producers again assure us, “Cacao is legal and not known to cause hallucinations.”

Day 10 of Paradise

We begin the morning in the BIP VIP suite, where PowerPoint and Too Much are struggling to even communicate about bacon. They had a rough night after PowerPoint RUINED EVERYTHING by asking Too Much a super personal question: what’s your favorite color? You can see why this would be so infuriating.

Elsewhere, Captain Kim is concerned because following the bird party, his heart was racing all night, never coming down below 150 or so. He’s thinking the stress of the Rose Ceremony is getting to him, and decides to be checked out at a nearby clinic just to make sure everything is alright. DO THEY NOT HAVE A FULL CLINIC ON SET FOR THESE GOLDENS OUT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE? I MEAN, DOES ABC EVEN HIRE LAWYERS?

Since Captain Kim is unavailable, Biker Chick invites Regina George to go on her horseback riding date, in part to help Regina George get over her deep fear of horses. And I actually love everything about this?

I also love that Regina George spends the entire date screaming at Biker Chick that she can’t hear a thing she is saying. Perfect. No notes.

As for Christina Aguilera, after Julia Roberts tells her she and The One have been together since Day 2, Christina Aguilera chooses against violence and invites Big Check on her date.

The date involves stimulating the five senses, i.e., listening to rain sticks, feeding each other papaya, and smelling essential oils smeared on each other’s clavicles. It’s “sexy.”

2 Hours to Ceremony

Jesse Palmer reminds everyone that Death Threat has gone home because fuck these guys, which means only three women will be going home tonight. Everyone is then sent to mingle.

At one point, Christina Aguilera is talking to all of the other Original Ladies — minus Julia Roberts — about the whole The One situation and how Julia Roberts warned her away from him. She also explains in an interview that her date with Big Check was fine, or whatever, but that she’s still fixated on The One, for whatever damn reason. Christina Aguilera tells the other women that the night before, she made an off-hand comment to The One about offering him the date, and he was like “YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU,” so what does that mean?

And that’s when Julia Roberts interrupts and everyone is like, “OH WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT CHRISTINA AGUILERA’S DATE WITH BIG CHECK, AND DEFINITELY NOT HOW SHE’S HOT FOR THE ONE, NOTHING TO SEE HERE.”

Julia Roberts:

Rose Ceremony TO COME.

Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays on ABC at 7/8 p.m. and streams on Hulu.

One thought on “‘Bachelor in Paradise’: I’ll fly away”

  1. So fun fact… Faith lives in the next town over from me, and it’s only about a 3-4 hour drive (depending on traffic) to the Seattle area from here. I’m hopeful they’ll be able to develop their relationship outside of this ridiculous show.

    Reply

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