‘Bachelor in Paradise’: The male loneliness crisis

by Therese Odell, posted in bachelor in paradise: season 10

Bachelor in Paradise
July 15, 2025

Night 5 of Paradise

Last we left these ding dongs we were finishing up a rose ceremony, and Great Face shockingly offered his rose to his ex-girlfriend Hannah Brown Jr. who had just arrived in Paradise, rather than Sporty Spice, the woman he had been pursuing and pursuing singularly.

This threw everything into complete chaos, with Hannah Brown Jr. declining the rose; Great Face running back to his hotel room; Hannah Brown Jr., Jesse Palmer and the camera crew chasing after him; and Sporty Spice declaring that she’s DONE and stomping off to the Vete a Casa Ahora Van.

Everyone else:

I NEED to know more about this relationship between Great Face and Hannah Brown, Jr. and why it ended, you guys.

Jesse Palmer checks in on Great Face, who explains that he and Hannah Brown Jr. were best friends before dating, and before they chose to cross that line, they made a promise to each other that no matter what, they would protect the other. Additionally, Great Face wasn’t fully trusting of Sporty Spice, who had been pulling away from him which is why he tried to give Hannah Brown Jr. the rose instead. That, and he felt like he “owed” it to her or something.

Jesse Palmer tells Great Face that Hannah Brown Jr. would like to speak to him, but he’s not interested in talking to her, he just wants to cry in peace, please and thank you. Jesse Palmer asks if he can offer his rose to another woman since Hannah Brown Jr. declined it, and Great Face is like, “Sure, whatever, I genuinely don’t care.”

YOU GUYS, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN THESE TWO. DID HE CHEAT? IT FEELS LIKE HE CHEATED. Yeah yeah yeah, I saw that podcast interview where the story is they just realized they weren’t that compatible after all, but come on. This is not the aftermath of a “Oh, this isn’t working out, let’s just be friends again” kind of breakup. Real damage was done here and these people can’t look at one another without bursting into tears, so.

Jesse Palmer gently informs Hannah Brown Jr. that Great Face does not want to speak to her. Everyone is sobbing.

Jesse Palmer and Hannah Brown Jr. return to the ceremony, where Jesse Palmer explains that Great Face wants to offer his rose to Death Threat. Death Threat is at first like, “What? No. What?” But eventually she accepts it out of her friendship with Great Face, laughing that she is not above a pity rose.

This means we are saying goodbye to: Sporty Spice; T-Shirt Gun; Jersey Girl; Hannah Brown Jr.; and Great Face with absolutely no information about this breakup.

Sporty Spice = Lexi (ABC)
T-Shirt Gun = Zoe (ABC)
Jersey Girl = Alli Jo (ABC)
Hannah Brown, Jr. = Susie (ABC)
Great Face = Justin (ABC)

Jesse Palmer then teases those who are not in an airport van back to San José that some “old friends” will be showing up the next day. Too Much, this limp slice of soprasata, is all, “I don’t know what that means.”

It’s the Goldens, you idiot. The Goldens are coming.

Day 6 in Paradise

And sure enough, the next morning, a big boat full of grandparents pulls up to the beach.

On the boat:

April from Gerry’s season, who was nicknamed “Chicken Dance” because she’s a chicken enthusiast. 

Chicken Dance = April (ABC)

Leslie, whom I called “Prince Groupie” because it’s VERY IMPORTANT to Leslie that you know she dated Prince back in the day. (To be completely fair to her, I’d be endlessly bragging about it, too.)

Prince Groupie = Leslie (ABC)

Kim from Joan’s season, whom I nicknamed “Captain Kim” on account that he was a retired Navy Captain whose name is “Kim.” 

Captain Kim = Kim (ABC)

RJ, who wants you to know he’s tall and in finance, hence “RJ in Finance.” 

RJ in Finance = RJ (ABC)

Keith, whom I called “Clark Griswold” because he arrived at the McMansion on Joan’s season in essentially the National Lampoon’s Vacation station wagon.

Clark Griswold = Keith (ABC)

Natascha, whom I called “Laughing Queen” because she made Gerry do some weird yoga laughing exercise on the first night.

Laughing Queen = Natascha (ABC)

Kathy, whom I eventually called “Regina George” because she was accused of being a Mean Girl on Gerry’s season.

Regina George = Kathy (ABC)

Jack, who was formerly a chef in Chicago, thus: “Chef Jack.”

Chef Jack = Jack (ABC)

And finally, CK, whom I nicknamed “Willy Wonka” because he did the Wonka somersault upon arriving at the McMansion on Joan’s season. 

Willy Wonka = CK (ABC)

After some initial, “Oh Look, Old People Like to Drink and Party, Too, LOL” establishing shots, Jesse Palmer returns to welcome the Goldens to Paradise. He threatens everyone to stay in their age lane, which, WHY? JUST LET LOVE BE LOVE, DUDE.

Then the Goldens and the … Regulars? Originals? Gen Zers? mix and mingle for a while before another new man arrives, because, oh right, the women have the rose power again, which means new men will be arriving this episode.

First up: Andrew from Katie’s season, whom I nicknamed “Accent Guy” because he pretended to be British when he arrived. He is very charming, and if I remember correctly — and God knows, it’s been a minute so I can’t be sure — I liked this kid. 

Accent Guy = Andrew (ABC)

Accent Guy was also on Paradise, season 8, otherwise known as The Season Therese Did Not Blog, so apologies again.

Anyway, my dude, here, Accent Guy, he’s interested in two women: Llama Drama and Selfies, and he takes both aside for conversations.

Llama Drama is charmed by Accent Guy and very giggly with him.

As for Selfies, she lets Accent Guy know that she’s been hanging out with Overcompensating, but since Overcompensating went on a date with Hannah Brown Jr. just yesterday, it should be cool for her to go out on a date with Accent Guy. That’s only fair, right?

Accent Guy asks Selfie to go on the date with him, and she’s like, “I’d love to, but let me just go have a quick conversation with Overcompensating about it, it’s the only respectful thing to do.”

So Selfie goes to Overcompensating’s room, tells him that Accent Guy asked her out, and asks if he’s cool with that. And Overcompensating, this dumpster goblin, is like, “I mean, I DID just go on a date with Hannah Brown, Jr. yesterday, that’s true. BUT, you told me last night that you were here for ME, which is why I gave you my rose. Did you only say that because you needed a rose? Because you told me you KNOW it’s ME.”

Selfie is taken aback by how selfish and entitled hurt Overcompensating is being, and though she is still planning on going on the date and taking a break from the resort — because going on these dates is as much about breaking the monotony of hanging out in the same five spaces as it is “making a connection” with someone — she’s worried about his fee-fees.

Selfie then lets Llama Drama know that Accent Guy asked her out on the date, and bursts into tears over how upset Overcompensating is with her for accepting. Meanwhile, Llama Drama herself is upset that she wasn’t chosen for the date, while also consoling her friend for being chosen.

All of these people need to grow the fuck up.

BUT MOST ESPECIALLY Overcompensating, who immediately finds a producer and demands that they bring Hannah Brown, Jr. back.

Now, that’s not how any of this works. This show is about the consequences of our choices as much as it is about “finding love,” and he has to stand by the choice that he made to keep Selfie in Paradise while knowing full well there was a chance she might not choose him down the road.

But this spoiled, entitled, hypocritical man (is that redundant?), he goes into the interview booth and demands that they check to see if Hannah Brown, Jr. has gone home yet, because he wants her back. While production hunts down Hannah Brown, Jr., this man continues to complain that Selfie said she was there for him, and he never thought that she would go on a date with the first man who walked through the door.

YOU DID, SIR.

YOU DID EXACTLY THAT, YOU WENT ON THE FIRST DATE WITH THE FIRST WOMAN WHO ASKED YOU, SO WHY SHOULDN’T SHE?

HMM? HMMMMMMM?

So they get poor Hannah Brown, Jr. — WHO HAS ALREADY HAD A TRAUMATIC TIME IN HER 24 HOURS IN COSTA RICA, LET IT BE REMEMBERED — on the phone, and she has to tell this man who she does not really know all that well that she is about to get on her plane to go home, so no, she is not going to come back to Paradise to be his consolation prize, thankyouverymuch.

And I just bet, I JUST BET, there is unaired footage of this douchebag prodding and whining and trying to manipulate her into changing her mind, because this type of guy is not the type of guy who just calmly takes no for an answer, at least in my 50+ years of dealing with guys.

But this is what happens when our entire culture tells us that for heterosexual couples, marriage is the ultimate goal, and that men are the ones who choose when that happens. He thinks he is the prize. This man, this Nick Viall wannabe, this gnome thinks that HE is the prize! And why wouldn’t he: every fairy tale, most rom-coms and romance novels, every season of this terrible show reinforces the idea that men are the ultimate prize, and no woman’s life is complete without one.

Listen to me very closely, ladies: a man who thinks that he is the prize will always treat you as though you are lucky to be with him, and you will always be chasing after him, his needs, his wants. He’ll never put in as much effort as you, he’ll never respect you, and OH MY GOD, JUST RUN FOR THE HILLS, SELFIE, AND FIND A MAN WHO WILL TREAT YOU LIKE AN EQUAL.

/feminazirant

As for her date with Accent Guy, Selfie and Accent Guy go to some sort of coffee spa where they drink coffee and are massaged with coffee and take a bath in coffee.

No thank you please.

Meanwhile, back at Paradise, Llama Drama has come to a realization: it’s not happening with Cheeky Mummy. The spark’s just not there. To this end, she takes him aside for a conversation where she sobs, telling him that she just likes him as a friend. Cheeky Mummy takes it well, but does wonder what he’s doing wrong and where the hell he’s going to get a rose from now.

Day 7 of Paradise

The next morning, Selfie has managed to worry herself sick that Overcompensating is angry with her for doing the exact same thing that he did the day before, and I’m going to need this woman to wake the fuck up before I lose my damn mind.

They talk, she APOLOGIZES, he whines that he felt “misled,” and they decide they are still drawn to one another.

Meanwhile, the Goldens are busy flirting and playing in the pool and Chicken Dance is getting a lot of attention from the men, but it’s all very much background noise to the Originals and their nonsense.

As for Accent Guy, he seems to have realized that he fumbled by asking Selfie on the date instead of Llama Drama. He tries cozying up to Llama Drama again, and after some initial irritation with him for not choosing her in the first place, they’re soon making out in the pool.

Llama Drama’s former attachment, Cheeky Mummy, is still trying to figure out who he should try to hit up so as to get a rose, and decides that maybe the door is still a little open on Death Threat.

So they have a chat on the beach where Death Threat reminds him that the last thing he said to her before not giving her his rose was that she was “making [his] decision much harder.” To Death Threat, this meant that he was romantically interested in her, but he thought it just meant, “we’re flirty friends.” So she’s irritated with him for not being direct with her, especially now that he seems to be sniffing around for her rose out of desperation.

Where’s the lie?

So you know what that means: send in the next man.

Annnnnnd it’s Sean, also known as “Big Check” on account of arriving to Charity’s season carrying a large novelty check with a donation of his heart to Charity. Get it?

Big Check = Sean

Big Check also came to Paradise last season, where he was a big stupid mess, and, yeah, THIS GUY RIGHT HERE IS NOT GOING TO BE THE ANSWER TO YOUR PROBLEM, DEATH THREAT.

But Death Threat, she thinks Big Check is “nice and tan” and “manicured like a nice hedge.”

Ma’am. You are too good for this show. You should have flown home with Hannah Brown, Jr., and saved yourself from the disappointment that is sure to come.

Jesse Palmer arrives and gives Big Check the obligatory date card, and I didn’t notice this until now, but they have apparently done away with words on the date cards altogether, and just feature pictures so that these dummies can figure out what, exactly, they’ll be doing. I genuinely didn’t think this show could get any stupider, but here we are. Anyway, Big Check’s picture is of an ATV.

After the least amount of suspense on this series so far, Big Check asks Death Threat to join him on the date, because who else is he going to ask at this point, Laughing Queen? (If he had any sense in that Ken doll skull of his, yes, he would, and Momma would show him a GOOD time.)

They ATV, they get all muddy, they drink champagne (or more likely prosecco), they pretend to bond, it’s fine. It’s fine! But what it isn’t is a connection, and Death Threat should definitely extract herself from this shithsow. But it’s definitely fine and a few hours outside of the resort prison, so you know.

That evening, there’s a bat in one of the Golden’s hotel rooms. It takes much screaming and flailing around and several moments for someone to just … open the patio door and release the poor creature.

I’m just going to go ahead and skip over the whole I Know What You Did Last Summer tie-in and get straight to the “cast exercise” of the evening: everyone, Goldens and Originals together, are tasked with writing down their deepest, darkest secret that they have never told anyone else. They will then place secrets into a box, and Jesse Palmer will read each secret out loud. The group will then vote on which secret is the most “shocking,” and the owner of the most shocking secret will have a choice to make: remain anonymous or reveal themselves for a special prize.

The first secret revealed is that they cheated on a test. Everyone rolls their eyes.

The next secret is that this person vomited on themself in an Uber at 11 a.m. This knocks our test cheater out of contention, and it is revealed in an interview that it is our inner-ear challenged queen, Julia Roberts.

Next: every time this person had to “toot” they blamed the same boy. We learn this is Starla.

Someone had an OnlyFans account for their feet; we never learn who.

Someone else hooked up with someone 25 years older than themself; we never learn who.

This is overtaken by someone who found $500,000 and kept it. This, we learn, is Chicken Dance.

Her secret is knocked out by someone who spent a summer as a “playmate” for a female couple. This was RJ in Finance.

But the secret that wins it all is that this person slept with someone else while their partner was in another room.

Scandalously, we learn this was REGINA GEORGE who reveals herself and takes the “prize”: a night in the BIP VIP suite.

Regina George invites Clark Griswold to the suite with her, which he happily accepts. Chef Jack offers Clark one of his Viagra, which Clark Griswold declines. “Never say never … ” Chef Jack advises.

In the BIP VIP suite, Regina George and Clark Griswold have cocktails, splash around in the pool, and play Never Have I Ever. They seem to have fun together, though I worry that she’s maybe a tad too strong for him.

Elsewhere, Chicken Dance heads to bed, but whispers to Cheeky Mummy that her room is “the second door to the right if [he] needs [her.”

Cheeky Mummy:

Cheeky Mummy isn’t ready for that conversation, though, and instead returns to Death Threat to try to fix what he broke there. He apologizes for hurting her feelings, and she’s like, “No, you just frustrated me.” Cheeky Mummy digs himself further in the hole with her when he accuses her of, “trying to not understand” him, which takes her aback.

These two snip back and forth at each other that the other one “doesn’t understand” and this goes in a circle for a long while, each becoming more frustrated and defensive with each turn. HE’S JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE SHE’S OK! SHE IS TELLING HIM SHE IS OK AND HE DOESN’T NEED TO MAKE SURE SHE’S OK! BUT HE’S JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE SHE’S OK!

What this is really about, of course, is that she’s his last chance for a rose, and he’s desperate. Which is why when one of the producers asks him if Chicken Dance isn’t an option at the Rose Ceremony, Cheeky Mummy is all …

But we’ll have to wait for the next 16-hour episode to see how that all plays out.

Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays on ABC at ⅞ p.m. and streams on Hulu.

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