‘The Bachelorette’: Looking for love in all the wrong places

by Therese Odell, posted in the bachelorette: season 21

The Bachelorette
August 26, 2024

Another episode, another flashforward: this time Temu Pete Davidson is whinging to Jesse Palmer that Jenn hasn’t told him that she loves him yet, and that he doesn’t think he can do it anymore, before leaving the hotel bar to go knock on Jenn’s door.

Sir, it’s been maybe a week since you told her you loved her, and you are ONE CONTESTANT ON A DATING SHOW, YOU ARE NOT THE LEAD.

Welcome to the cringiest week of what has so far been The Bachelorette‘s cringiest season: FANTASY SUITES. We will be doing this season’s bedhopping on the Big Island of Hawai’i, and I think I speak for all of us here at the last gasp of a terrible season that we hope Kilauea just takes us all out once and for all.

DO IT. ERUPT ALREADY.

Before Jenn begins her overnight adventures, she visits with Molly Mesnick to talk about the three men left. 1. Kudos to Mrs. Mesnick on getting the free vacation to Hawai’i; and 2. this gives me an opportunity to mention that Jason and Molly Mesnick said in a recent interview that Breakfast Shots said “things that they had to edit out that were terrible and we can’t even talk about.” 

But instead of spilling the tea, Molly just listens patiently while Jenn burbles about how Cheeky Mummy is a “slower burn” and “needs to get out of his head,” and that Major Tom is “reliable and stable” but has trouble leaning into love …

and that Temu Pete Davidson “just gets [her]” and has told her that he loves her but she’s not there yet. But is that because she’s self-sabotaging and can’t see a good thing when it’s right in front of her?

Meanwhile, Jesse Palmer who has also for all intents and purposes scored a free vacation to Hawai’i is golfing with Temu Pete Davidson who is pre-whinging about Jenn not telling him she loves him. How does he propose to someone who hasn’t said, “I love you”?

Lighten up, Francis.

Jenn’s first Fantasy Suite date is with Temu Pete Davidson whom she meets at yet ANOTHER helicopter.

Y’ALL. THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO GET AROUND, I PROMISE.

So they fly around the island looking at waterfalls and shit, and she doesn’t say she loves him, before landing to get a closer look at a waterfall where she doesn’t tell him she loves him, and eventually having a beach picnic where she doesn’t tell him she loves him.

Temu discusses how he is anxious to get to real life: going to concerts or the park, to buying a house and having kids, just normal life stuff. And Jenn notes that he seems ready for an engagement and doesn’t shy away from talking about it. ENJOY IT NOW, GIRL, BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE IS GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT SUCH THINGS WITH YOU THIS WEEK.

Temu mentions again that he is in love with her, but she’s like, “That’s great and all, but I’m not there yet.” Temu promises to wait for her, but since we’ve already seen him crying over a rum and Coke at a bar about it, that seems doubtful.

That night at dinner …

Temu opens by telling her that he has real clarity about his feelings for her and that having his family and friends’ support helped solidify that. He then asks her what she means when she says she struggles to accept a good thing. She explains that her instinct to self-sabotage is kicking in because she’s never had a relationship like this and it makes her want to run away, fearing that it’s too good to be true. She is just waiting for something to go wrong.

~gototherapygototherapygototherapygototherapygototherapy~

Temu assures her that she shouldn’t be ashamed of having any reservations or feel any pressure from him …

I’M SORRY TO INTERRUPT, BUT IS THIS YOU FROM THE BEGINNING (END) OF THE EPISODE STANDING OUTSIDE HER HOTEL ROOM WAITING TO NOT PRESSURE HER?

???

But I guess we haven’t gotten there yet. Go on.

Jenn tells him that he speaks to her soul, that they have a communication, a “comfortability” (not a word) and it’s “unreal.” Temu insists that this is very real for him which is why he said things to her that he’s not sure he’ll hear back. Jenn asks him if he’s ready for an engagement, and Temu insists he is and that he would love to call her his “fiance” and love to call her his “wife” because “those things go hand-in-hand” for him. As they usually do.

Jenn tells him that she may not express it very well, but it means everything to her to have someone who is so unwaveringly there for her.

In an interview, Jenn notes that Temu seems to be there for the right reasons: an engagement, a future, a house, kids. She hopes to be in love with him, she’s just not sure when that will be.

But for now, it’s off to the Fantasy Suite, and who knows, maybe she’ll find her feelings in there.

What we do know is that she found something:

And yet, as she leaves, Temu tells her again that he loves her and her response is “Okay.”

Next up is Cheeky Mummy, whom Jenn picks up in a Jeep so as to drive him around the island. They eat malasadas, though Cheeky Mummy is reluctant to break his diet before sighing that he supposes it will be a “cheat day …”

They go shopping and eventually end up picnicking in front of a waterfall where they talk about how calm and easy it is being together.

She toasts to everything falling into place at the right time to bring them to this moment right now. And she monologues that it’s great to see him get out of his head a little and let go.

What is really going on in Cheeky’s head: complicated caloric math, trying to determine just how much he can’t eat to undo the damage of that malasada.

That night at dinner, Jenn notes that she’s noticed a big change in Cheeky Mummy since the hometowns, and he agrees. His family loved her (I mean, Brother seemed underwhelmed, but sure), and their approval helped him get over himself and lean into this a bit more. Cheeky Mummy talks about how confident she was going into meeting his family and Jenn is surprised: as a child of Vietnamese immigrants, she never felt like she moved through any room with confidence. She just wanted to fit in with everyone else.

Cheeky Mummy, who does seem to have shed some of his reluctance to all of this, tells Jenn that he wants to learn Vietnamese so that he can speak to her mother, and he wants to learn how to cook Vietnamese food.

I’m not even Vietnamese, and all it would take is a man telling me he wanted to learn how to cook Vietnamese food for me for this entire thing to be over and done with.

Cheeky Mummy then talks a little about his own mixed background and how he wants his own children –whatever their ethnic makeup might be — to be confident and never question themselves.

Jenn’s heard enough and offers Cheeky the Fantasy Suite card, which he happily accepts.

The next morning, Cheeky Mummy says that waking up next to her felt “natural” and that it just “flowed.” And Jenn agrees, though she can’t believe she’s in bed with “Mummy Man” from night one.

The audience agrees, and we can’t believe we’re rooting for him.

Meanwhile, back at the resort, Temu Pete Davidson is beginning to spiral. “I WANNA BE PRIORITIZED! I WANNA BE NUMBER ONE!” Yeah, that’s not how this game is played, son.

Elsewhere, Major Tom is having his golf date with Jesse Palmer (I hope you played golf with Cheeky Mummy, too, Jesse Palmer) where Major Tom admits that he has a lot weighing on his heart: namely, he’s not in love with Jenn and she’s out here saying that she’s falling for him.

He thinks it would be wrong to get down on one knee with the way he’s not feeling, but he also doesn’t want to miss out on something great. Jesse Palmer asks Major Tom what he needs to hear from Jenn to get there, and he’s basically like, “I want to hear her say nice things about me and tell me why she’s kept me around this long.”

Girl, please dump this man.

Instead, Jenn begins her overnight date with Major Tom by monologuing that she is afraid she’s further along in her feelings for him than he is for her, but that she’s confident in her feelings: she’s in love with Major Tom.

Jenn meets Major Tom at some boat docks, explaining that she has a special, once-in-a-lifetime date planned for him: they are going snorkeling at night to see the manta rays glow under some blacklights. Major Tom seems underwhelmed.

On the boat ride out, Jenn tells Major Tom that the only other time she had been to Hawai’i was when she was three and her father won a free trip from an internet ad.

And this is how old I am: I am shocked she was not old enough to remember enjoying a prize that was won off of the internet and now I have to go lie down.

Jenn tells Major Tom that going to his hometown was scary because it intensified her feelings for him, that bringing family into it made it much more real and Major Tom is like, “Umm … I can agree that it was scary!”

Girl. What are we doing?

They then swim with the manta rays and I have to say, swimming with manta rays is cool, but I’m unconvinced that doing it at night with a black light really added anything to the experience.

And then they head to dinner to have the most painful conversation I have seen on this show in a minute.

Jenn reminds us that she is IN LOVE with this man who, as far as I can tell has NOTHING TO SAY TO HER …

And insists that this relationship is “SO STRONG.”

Ma’am.

He begins by complimenting her on her red dress, which makes her look “like a Ferrari.”

He then proposes a toast to “being happy,” before complaining to her about being the last one called at the rose ceremony the week before. Major Tom then gives a rambling monologue to Jenn about how he had a difficult childhood so he only wants to propose once and it’s important to him to be a good husband and father which means that when he gets engaged he wants to be absolutely certain and he sees a lot of potential with Jenn, a lot of things have aligned with them, but at the end of the day he feels unsure, and she deserves to have someone who is sure about her, and considering how quickly the end to all of this is coming, he can’t say he’s in love with her.

WHEW! Sir, you certainly took the long way around to get to that, but here we are, and Jenn can let him go now, right? RIGHT?

NOPE. Instead, she tells this man who just told her that he’s not ready to get engaged to her because he does not love her that there are “different phases to love,” and that she is in love with him and that she is not at the end with him yet.

This man starts crying and talking about how he’s trying to get there so this idiot, THIS ABSOLUTE STUPID IDIOT, she offers him the Fantasy Suite card and he accepts.

And then they go to the Fantasy Suites and this dumb dummy is saying that she is in love with him and her biggest hope is that he will be in love with her by the end of the week and ready to propose.

He won’t be. It’s a painful lesson that every person needs to learn, but “if he wanted to, he would” is sound advice. If he wanted to tell you he loved you, he would. If he wanted to get down on one knee and propose, he would. And maybe if y’all were in the real world, dating like real people, and not in this weird pressure cooker that doesn’t actually reflect how real relationships work, maybe, possibly Major Tom would one day be able to get there (though I have my doubts ~GO TO FUCKING THERAPY, SIR~) but he is not there now and he’s not going to be there in seven days or however the fuck long is left in this mess.

As for what happens in the morning, they’re like, “That was really worthwhile and a good use of our time,” and then she leaves warning him to not “start thinking too much.”

Well someone in this situation is clearly not thinking too much.

Elsewhere getting WAY too deep into his thoughts is Temu Pete Davidson who is at the hotel bar per the first scene, freaking out because Jenn has not told him that she loves him back.

And sir, the same advice I gave our Bachelorette, it applies to you, too. We know she’s capable of telling people that she loves them, we just saw it happen. So what does it tell you that she hasn’t said the same to you?

Temu cries to Jesse Palmer who, for the first time since he’s been hosting, has actually had to do something on this job besides play tennis and warn people when the last rose is about to be handed out:

Jesse Palmer asks Temu if he’s asked Jenn if she loves him as much as he loves her, and Temu admits that he did not, as he didn’t want to pressure her or scare her away.

And then there’s a lot of boo-hooing about not receiving any reassurance despite giving himself over and over again and how he needs to feel loved, he wants to feel like “the one” and not “one of,” and etc. etc. etc. But we all know that what is really going on here is that he’s been spinning, thinking about her sleeping with these other two guys, right? I’m not saying that it’s just jealousy, but I am saying that the entire format is designed to inspire these sorts of meltdowns so …

Anyway, the long and short of it is Temu heads to Jenn’s room to talk to her about his fee-fees, but the episode ends with her opening the door, so we have to wait for the “Men Tell All” special to find out what happens. 

The Men Who Are Soon Going to be Dumped by Jenn:

The Men Who Have Been Dumped by Jenn:

The Bachelorette airs on ABC on Mondays at 8/9 p.m. and streams on Hulu.

3 thoughts on “‘The Bachelorette’: Looking for love in all the wrong places”

  1. I have literally yelled “Go. To. THERAPY!” at least 10 times per episode this entire season. Not one of these dumb dummies has any business being on this show. smh

    Reply

    1. CORRECT. And while this group is particularly bad, everyone should be required to produce a completed therapy punch card before being allowed on one of these shows.

      -T

      Reply

  2. My God!! This show sounds so BORING!! How you can stand watching it to write all that stuff about it is confounding.

    Reply

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