MONDAY
The Bachelor: The international leg begins in The Bahamas. 7 p.m., ABC
Roseanne Barr: Cancel This!: Here’s the thing: any employer has the right to fire someone for offensive behavior. While headlining a primetime program on their network, Roseanne Barr made hateful racist comments on a public platform which shone a bad light on ABC as her employer, and they were well within their rights to no longer want to be associated with her. THIS IS NOT “CANCELING” SOMEONE. IT’S FIRING A BAD EMPLOYEE.
Anyway, this comedy special was taped here in Houston, which is not entirely surprising but bums me out nonetheless. Fox Nation
Varsity Blues: I DON’T WANT YOUR LIFE. 7 p.m., Pop
TUESDAY
Perfect Match: Singles from Love Is Blind, The Mole, Too Hot to Handle, Twentysomethings, The Ultimatum, Selling Tampa, Sexy Beasts, The Circle and The Circle France live together in a villa to find their perfect love match in this new reality competition. Series premiere. Netflix
Planet Sex with Clara Delevingne: Actress and model Clara Delevingne explores human sexuality just in time for Valentine’s Day. Hulu
Re/member: If you’re tired of all the lovey-dovey nonsense, how about a Japanese horror movie about a bunch of teens caught in a murderous time loop? Premiere. Netflix
WEDNESDAY
The Masked Singer: Season nine premiere. 7 p.m., Fox
Full Swing: This new docuseries follows the tumultuous 2022 PGA season, with intimate access to Jordan Spieth, Ian Poulter, Dustin Johnson, Rory McIlroy and more. Series premiere. Netflix
James Bond marathon: The Man with the Golden Gun; Moonraker; and Octopussy 6:54 p.m., ActionMAX
THURSDAY
Animal Control: Joel McHale stars in this new workplace comedy about a team of Animal Control officers. Series premiere. 8 p.m., Fox
Star Trek: Picard: Season three. Paramount+
The Parent Test: Two-hour season finale. 7 p.m., ABC
FRIDAY
Hello, Tomorrow!: Billy Crudup stars as a salesman of a brighter tomorrow in this new retro-future drama. Series premiere. Apple TV+
Carnival Row: Season two. Prime Video
Sharper: A young man who is resentful that his family never accepted him cons other powerful families to steal the wealth he believes he deserves in this new thriller starring Julianne Moore, John Lithgow, and Sebastian Stan. Premiere. Apple TV+
The 12th Victim: A look back at the infamous 1958 Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate murder case, in which Caril Ann’s guilt is re-evaluated. Series premiere. 7 p.m., Showtime
Animaniacs: Third and final season. Hulu
SATURDAY
Empire of Light: Olivia Coleman and Colin Firth co-star in this Sam Mendes film about a movie theater in an English seaside town in the 1980s. I have never heard of this movie until now, which brings to mind the Saturday Night Live sketch from last week. 7 p.m., HBO
Airplane!: And Leon’s getting LARGER! 6:35 p.m., OuterMAX
SUNDAY
American Idol: Season 21 — or 6. Depending on how you count. Season premiere. 7 p.m., ABC
The Equalizer: Mel must save her brother in the winter premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
Magnum P.I.: Magnum P.I. moves to NBC in the two-hour season premiere. 8 p.m., NBC
The Company You Keep: Milo Ventimiglia and Catherine Haena Kim star as a con man and an undercover CIA agent respectively in this romantic cat-and-mouse action series. Series premiere. 9 p.m., ABC
Last Week Tonight: He’s back! 10 p.m., HBO