‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’: In which we arrive at the ‘ugly leather pants’ moment.

by Therese Odell, posted in real housewives of beverly hills: season 11

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly Leather Pants”
July 7, 2021

Because he apparently has some prior sins to atone for, Harry Hamlin has been tasked with making homemade spaghetti bolognese for a pack of women who doesn’t eat carbs. According to Rinna, his “bolognese” is “very famous in Canada,” whatever the hell that means. In preparation, he and Rinna go to some fancy supermarket and buy garlic and mushrooms and little tiny pumpkins for table decor. These three bags of groceries cost three hundred and ten dollars. Rinna notes that Harry Hamlin is the domestic one in the relationship, and having been married to a man who cooks pasta myself, I can identify. Ladies: if you find a Harry Hamlin out in the wild, a man who can cook and decorate a table, MARRY HIM IMMEDIATELY.

We then head to Kathy Hilton’s obscene-even-by-these-ladies’-standards mansion where Crystal and Erika have invited themselves to play tennis with some strange women we don’t know, while Kathy Hilton sleeps upstairs. Erika doesn’t know how to play tennis; Crystal is very good and competitive, the end.

After their match, Erika and Crystal go inside for some coffee with a just-now woken-up Kathy Hilton.

The threesome discusses Erika’s divorce, again, and she reveals that she no longer has housekeepers or gardeners (but she’s not firing that glam squad, you can be sure). Kathy Hilton salutes Erika’s newfound happiness and independence, something I’m sure she can’t even begin to fathom for herself.

Later, Kathy Hilton swings by Kyle’s house where Kyle and her family are taking holiday card photos in matching pajamas. So … question: do Kyle and Mauricio celebrate Christmas? Because they have THREE Christmas trees, which seems excessive for a family who actually celebrates, but especially bonkers for a Jewish family.

After revealing that Kathy Hilton is a weird bag lady who carries socks in her purse (and presumably there’s a box fan in there, too), Kathy Hilton and Kyle talk about their sister Kim, who apparently will be all alone for Thanksgiving, because she’s so freaked out by COVID.

2020 was a rough year, guys.

Kyle tells Kathy Hilton that she texted Kim, but hadn’t heard back, and Kathy Hilton’s like, “Oh, yeah, she changed her number, and you don’t have the new one. Oh well!”

I don’t know, maybe working out your issues with your siblings on national TV isn’t the healthiest thing in the world?

Erika shows off her new house to Rinna and Sutton over some charcuterie and white wine. As a housewarming gift, Sutton brings a signed copy of Queens: Alta Moda di Dolce & Gabbana, a $350 coffee table book featuring photographs of Dolce and Gabbana’s most loyal customers, including, of course, Sutton herself. It is exactly as obnoxious and self-serving as it sounds.

Erika informs us in an interview that the new house rents for $9,500 a month, and that it is the first time in 22 years that she’s had to worry about money. Still, she’s written a New York Times‘ best-selling book, she has her shoe and makeup collaborations, and of course, millions stolen from widows and orphans squirreled away into her businesses Chicago, which adds up to enough for her little house and some Postmates.

The women touch on Erika’s relationship issues, again, with her complaining about how hard it was to not be heard or appreciated by Tom Girardi. She’s really selling HARD the “the only reason I left my husband was because the relationship was bad and no other reason don’t dig too deeply” story in these last few episodes.

Meanwhile, Sutton is over here, still furious that Crystal refuses to back down from using the word “violated” to describe how Sutton made her feel in Tahoe. It’s becoming tedious, the whole thing.

Over at Garcelle’s house, she’s making “chicken parmesan” for her sons, which apparently involves her pouring Prego over some chicken breasts and shoving the whole thing into the oven. No grazie!

In the process of doing this and unloading the dishwasher, she and one twin make a bunch of noise while the other twin tries to do his Japanese class online and is kinda irritated. And he could go into another room, but that wouldn’t make for such riveting television.

Anyway, the other twin, the one not taking Japanese, he is in a bad mood and doesn’t want to eat dinner. The end.

Finally, Harry Hamlin’s Spaghetti Dinner for Ladies Who Don’t Eat Carbs. He’s set the patio table and it’s legitimately beautiful, and he’s in the kitchen making the sauce with tomatoes grown in his own garden (instead of just opening a jar of Ragú meat sauce, GARCELLE). Meanwhile, Rinna is flitting around the kitchen wondering where the antipasto plate is, because people will be arriving soon. WOMAN, MAKE IT YOURSELF, CAN’T YOU SEE THIS MAN IS WORKING?

Kyle picks Dorit up, and we meet Dorit’s stupid new Hermes purse which is decidedly not large enough to carry a pair of socks much less a box fan. We also hear all about Dorit’s newest venture: a bridal and evening gown line that she’s slapping her name on. After all she is A Creative: she has a bathing suit line and she decorated a party room in an Encino Buca di Beppo that one time.

Dorit and Kyle arrive at Rinna’s where Harry Hamlin invites them in and takes them outside. After admiring the table and Harry Hamlin’s cooking skills …

Harry Hamlin leads them to the bar area, talking about how they’re thinking about building a pool so that their kids will bring their kids to visit one day. Kyle notes that she was 19 when she had her first child … and isn’t that how old Amelia is right now? It could already be happening!

Harry Hamlin:

More women arrive: Crystal, followed by Erika, Kathy Hilton, and Sutton, who Kathy Hilton smirkingly greets as “Thomasina” again to Sutton’s great annoyance.

Garcelle arrives and notes that she hasn’t been to the Hamlins’ in a while: not since Rinna’s 50th birthday party seven years earlier, where she had such a good time, she has no idea how she got home that night.

With all the women there, they make their way to the table for Harry Hamlin’s Famous in Canada Spaghetti Bolognese. (It genuinely looks delicious.) After everyone is served, Harry Hamlin joins them at the table, and they discuss their upcoming Thanksgiving plans. Apparently, the Hamlin girls are headed to Mexico without their parents, as Harry Hamlin and Rinna are too old to be traveling during COVID. Kyle asks if Amelia is going to Mexico with Scott Disick, and Rinna says she’s not, before adding “I don’t ask a lot of questions right now.”

After running through the women’s opinions on Rinna’s 19-year-old daughter dating a 37-year-old father of three again (BAD IDEA), Rinna discusses the trouble they’re currently having with the tabloids who are running wild with this story. Rinna’s sweet mother Lois, in fact, called her alarmed having seen one report that Amelia was engaged to Scott Disick, which would certainly suck very much.

Harry Hamlin admits that the age difference is strange to him, but then again, he married Ursula Andress when he was 29 and she was 44, so … The age difference wasn’t part of his thought process when he had his first son, but now it could come back to haunt him.

And with that, Harry Hamlin takes his leave, having had perfectly enough time with these women. The women thank him for lunch, and Garcelle says something revealing: that she wants to take her pasta home with her and eat it when no one is watching. This might be the single most L.A. thing ever said on this show.

Harry Hamlin has one last task before he’s completely free of the ladies, however, and he brings a birthday cake out to Garcelle. The women demand that she make a wish, and she wishes for a man who is “hung like a horse.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” warns a wise Harry Hamlin.

“I didn’t know she liked horseback riding!” replies an either cheeky or completely clueless Kathy Hilton. And honestly, it doesn’t much matter which, she’s amazing.

The women then present Garcelle with gifts, all but Sutton who somehow didn’t get the message a week earlier that they were going to surprise Garcelle with a birthday celebration. Sutton — who reliably brings gifts to everything, even non-gifting events — looks like she might vomit, especially when Garcelle opens a gift from Crystal, Kathy, and Kyle.

Sensing that something is wrong, Kyle slides down to be closer to Sutton, who tells Kyle she doesn’t want to be there. It’s her last night with her kids before she leaves in the morning (presumably for Thanksgiving) and she doesn’t enjoy being somewhere where she doesn’t like the people.

With that barbed comment, Kyle takes Sutton away from the table and over to the bar, where Sutton begins melting down about how she just can’t be fake, and sit across a table from someone who doesn’t like her and is talking badly about her. Kyle’s like, “Oh, this is because you’re embarrassed that Crystal brought Garcelle a gift and you came empty-handed? about Crystal?” And all of America is like, “OBVIOUSLY, KYLE.”

Sutton becomes more and more wound up, ranting about how Crystal still hasn’t apologized to her for saying that she “violated” her in Lake Tahoe. In fact, she becomes so loud that the other women become worried that the two are fighting.

Eventually, Garcelle and Dorit join them at the bar and are alarmed that Sutton is crying, with Garcelle noting that Sutton is more hormonal than her teen twins. Sutton wails that she PRAYS TO JESUS CHRIST EVERY DAY AND SHE JUST NEEDS HIM TO THROW HER A BONE, which is an awfully dramatic thing for a woman worth tens of millions of dollars to cry out.

Meanwhile, Dorit is Very Concerned.

As more women join them at the bar, Sutton grouses that she’s not capable of just pretending everything is fine and hunky dory when it is not, prompting one of — if not THE — greatest Kathy Hiltonism yet:

@bravotv

Who is hunky-dory?? Instantly iconic. #RHOBH #KathyHilton 💎

♬ Who is Hunky Dory from RHOBH – Bravo

When Crystal joins them, Sutton huffs that they have to “fix this” because she’s really not happy with Crystal. Garcelle asks what Sutton needs from Crystal, and Sutton insists that she doesn’t need anything before yelling at Crystal that she has said many shitty things about her. Crystal suppresses a laugh at Sutton’s increasing insanity, as Sutton insists, again, that the word “violate” is “crazy” to her, and wonders what crazy planet Crystal lives on.

“Uh, not yours,” Crystal smugly replies.

Crystal then insists that if she the opportunity to do it all again, she’d not change the word “violate” because she used it correctly. Garcelle pleads with Sutton to tell them what she needs to be able to move on from this, and when Kyle suggests that Sutton is looking for an apology, Crystal flatly replies, “no.” Crystal then clarifies with a non-apology apology: she’s sorry that Sutton is upset, but she’ll never apologize for using the word “violate.”

Sutton demands to know what Crystal is being so defensive about, and Crystal fires back that Sutton is just upset because she “is jealous. Period.”

Sutton looks like she’s been slapped, she’s so shocked, before declaring that she’s “out” and that Crystal is “really fucking low,” and storming away. But not before screaming back at a bemused Crystal, “JEALOUS OF WHAT? YOUR UGLY LEATHER PANTS?!?”

So, in fairness to Sutton, those are some ugly leather pants.

BUT THAT SAID:

Oof.

OOF.

OOF.

OOF.

TO BE CONTINUED.

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo.

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