Let’s ketchup with the January 6th hearings!

by Therese Odell, posted in Uncategorized

Mind. Blown.

Squirrel tastes almonds for the first time <3 from aww

H’OH BOY.

Not to make this all about myself, but while I was gone, I missed the January 6th hearings on June 13, 16, 21, and 23, and I was pretty bummed about it. However, the Commission made it up to me by saving the most explosive hearing for yesterday, which also happened to be my birthday. And it was quite the gift.

In a hearing that came as a something of a surprise (the Commission had previously said they were adjourning until the week of July 11), former Chief of Staff Mark Meadow’s aide, Cassidy Hutchison testified for two hours about what she saw and heard on January 6th and the days leading up to it. Her testimony was a doozy. 

According to Hutchison, Giuliani told her on January 2 that he was “excited” to go to the Capitol on the 6th, and when she mentioned this to her boss, Meadows, his response was something along the lines of “things might get real, real bad.” (!)

Additionally, Hutchison previously testified that the Oath Keepers and Proud Boys were involved in the planning of the rally, particularly related to Rudy Giuliani. (!!) I have a feeling this will be explored in more detail in future hearings. According to Hutchison, Meadows wanted to go to a meeting with Giuliani, Roger Stone, and possibly the Oath Keepers and Proud Boys on January 5th, but she talked him out of going in person. Instead, he called into the meeting. (!!)

So, Former President Loser was keyed up about January 6th and going to the Capitol to join his cult, and maybe giving a speech inside the House chamber. (!) White House lawyer Pat Cipollone was VERY AGAINST IT. He tried to plead to Meadows to keep Former President Dingus from going to the Capitol, telling Hutchison, “we’re going get charged with every crime imaginable.” (!!)

So, on January 6, the White House team goes to the ellipse for Former President Marmalade’s big speech. Outside the event, Secret Service was busily stopping lunatics with weapons, including AR-15s and other guns, from entering the perimeter because OBVIOUSLY. However, when Former President Chucknuckle got to the event, he was upset at the crowd size and, triggered by his inauguration debacle, he demanded that Secret Service take down the metal detectors and allow all of his “people” to come inside — along with their weapons.

 

Alright. Once you recover from the fact that we now have confirmation that the President of the United States knowingly wanted an armed mob to march on the Capitol that day, we will continue.

~deep breath~

So, originally, the Secret Service had made a plan to take Former President Violent Coup to the Capitol per his wishes, However, things on the ground had gotten out of control (basically, according to other sources, the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers had already begun marching on the Capitol, not waiting for Former President Thumbdick’s speech to end, and Secret Service understood that the Capitol security was already being compromised — which presents some other questions I hope the Committee addresses in future hearings), and the Secret Service determined that the safest thing would be to return Former President Compulsive Liar back to the White House. Once in the SUV, Former President Ratfucker realized he wasn’t being taken to the Capitol and became … displeased. The Former Toddler-in-Chief declared that he was “the fucking President,” demanded that they drive him to the Capitol, and when they refused, he tried to grab the steering wheel. (!!) When his Secret Service officer told him to remove his hands from the wheel, Former President Lunatic lunged for the agent’s throat. (!!!!!)

Later, as things descended into complete chaos at the Capitol, Mark Meadows was apparently unbothered. Pat Cipollone again goes to Meadows and demands that they do something, but Meadows tells him that Former President Traitor “doesn’t want to.” (!!!)

Hutchison also confirmed that Former Worst President Ever sided with the rioters who were calling to hang Mike Pence (!!!): “You heard him, Pat, he thinks Mike deserves it,” Meadows responded. “He doesn’t think they are doing anything wrong.”

He also contemplated pardoning the folks who attacked the Capitol. Hutchison also claimed that Rudy Giuliani and Mark Meadows asked Former President Flabbyfart for pardons, in addition to all the Congressmen she had named in previous testimonies.

And finally, Hutchison told a story about seeing “ketchup dripping off the wall” in the White House dining room. Apparently, The Former Sociopath-in-Chief threw his lunch across the room when he learned that Bill Barr had given an interview in which he said Former President Big Lie lost the election. (!)

A couple of other bits from yesterday’s hearing that would otherwise be headline news if not for, you know, Former President Heinz knowingly trying to lead a coup: General Mike Flynn plead the Fifth when asked if he thought the violence on January 6 was justified, and when asked if he believes in the peaceful transfer of power.

And finally, Liz Cheney revealed that the Commission knows full well that there is some witness tampering happening, and it’s NOT COOL.

Alright, here’s the thing: don’t focus on the ketchup or even the steering wheel! It’s tempting, I know, because it’s so hilarious and totally keeping in Former President Condiment’s character. But the lede here — the single most important take-away — the story that might actually maybe possibly put this fucker in prison where he belongs is that THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES KNEW HIS FOLLOWERS WERE ARMED, AND WANTED THEM TO GO TO THE CAPITOL TO OVERTHROW THE ELECTION.

Look, it’s bad luck to reveal what you wished for when you blew out your candles, so I’m not going to be specific. Let’s just say Merrick Garland was involved and leave it at that.

ALL OTHER TV NEWS

Welp, in response to her daughter Sami joining Only Fans (in defiance of Sami’s father Charlie Sheen of all people) Denise Richards has also joined the platform. Thanks, mom?

Your fan theories about how Walt and Jesse appear in Better Call Saul are wrong.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was originally supposed to be a movie trilogy, but that was scrapped when Solo: A Star Wars Story was a disaster.

A short compendium of all the times The Simpsons has made Bob’s Burgers references:

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power series on Prime Video will include female Orcs, y’all. GIRL POWER!

Do not trust a reality show to take you on a hike.

Get better soon, Travis Barker.

Going Viral

A month ago (May 27, 2022):

New York Times

Today:

So, I haven’t updated this section in a while, in part because I was out of town, but largely in part because the numbers have stayed pretty steady for the past couple of months. COVID is still with us — my husband’s office had TWO outbreaks in the month of June alone — but it’s far less deadly thanks to our vaccination efforts. Which reminds me: if you’re eligible, it’s time to go get your booster.

The big news from the past month is that a vaccine for children as young as 6 months has FINALLY been approved by the CDC. To encourage kids to go get the shot, Elmo got his on Sesame Street yesterday:

Meanwhile, two former General Hospital crew members have sued ABC for denying their request for a religious exemption to the vaccine mandate.

Again, people are still coming down with the virus:

Dr. Facui tested positive two weeks ago.

Mayim Bialik tested positive a week ago, and said “it’s no joke.”

Samantha Bee tested positive and had to film the season’s final episode of Full Frontal from the woods again.

Mick Jagger tested positive two weeks ago — and was back on stage nine days later.

Hugh Jackman tested positive and had to miss a week of Music Man.

Beanie Feldstein had to miss a week of Funny Girl after testing positive.

Renewals

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Persuasion debuts on Netflix on July 15.
  • See returns on Apple TV+ on August 26.
  • Harley Quinn returns on HBO Max on July 28.
  • Trigger Point will debut on Peacock on July 8.
  • Legacy: The True Story of the LA Lakers will premiere on Hulu soon.
  • Not Okay will premiere on Hulu on July 29.
  • Edge of the Earth will premiere on HBO on July 12.
  • LEGO Star Wars Summer Vacation premieres on Hulu on August 5.
  • Thirteen Lives will premiere on Prime Video on August 5.
  • Entergalactic will debut on Netflix on September 30.
  • My Policeman will premiere on Prime Video on November 4.
  • Roald Dahl’s Matilda the Musical will debut on Netflix in December.
  • Phrogging: Hider in My House will premiere on Lifetime on July 18.
  • All or Nothing: Arsenal will premiere on Prime Video on August 4.
  • Bugs Bunny Builders will debut on Cartoonio on July 25 and HBO Max on July 26.
  • Super Giant Robot Brothers premieres on Netflix on August 4.
  • Beauty debuts on Netflix today.

R.I.P.

Joyce Rebeta-Burditt, Author and creator of Diagnosis Murder

Maureen Arthur, Broadway and film actress

Margaret Keane, Big Eyes artist

WATCH THIS

Baymax!: The hero of Big Hero 6 is back in this all-new series, and just wants to help. Series premiere. Disney+

All Star Shore: This new reality competition pits stars from Jersey Shore; Love Is Blind; RuPaul’s Drag Race; Geordie Shore; Acapulco Shore; Rio Shore; and Bachelor in Paradise against each other in a series of party games. Series premiere. Paramount+

The Upshaws: Season two. Netflix

The Flash: The team rallies around The Flash when he needs them the most. Season finale. 7 p.m., The CW

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Gaten Matarazzo, Lauren Spencer-Smith
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Steve Carell, Machine Gun Kelly, Ingrid Andress, Jonathan Ulman
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Rep. Adam Kinzinger, Karl Urban
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: John Boyega, Sam Smith, Minnie Driver, Lior Suchard, Cat Burns & Sam Smith
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Paris Hilton, Matteo Lane, Aespa, guest host Chelsea Handler
  • The Daily Show: Van Lathan Jr.
  • Watch What Happens Live: Ziwe, Garcelle Beauvais

WEDS. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Conners
(repeat)		 The Goldbergs
(repeat)		 Abbott Elementary
(repeat)		 Home Economics
(repeat)		 Press Your Luck
(repeat)
CBS The Price Is Right At Night
(new)		 The Price Is Right At Night
(new)		 S.W.A.T.
(repeat)
CW The Flash
(new)		 Wellington Paranormal
(new)		 Wellington Paranormal
(repeat)		 Local
FOX MasterChef
(new)		 So You Think You Can Dance
(new)		 News/Local
NBC Chicago Med
(repeat)		 Chicago Fire
(repeat)		 Chicago P.D.
(repeat)

 

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