The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Two Truths and a Lie”
May 26, 2021
We begin this episode with the resumption of the “Make Nice With Garcelle” tour. Next stop: Kyle. Kyle and Garcelle meet for lunch and to discuss Kyle accusing Garcelle at the reunion of never paying for the auction item she bid on at Kyle’s charity event. After some pleasantries, Kyle tells Garcelle that she wanted to talk to her because she feels like they got off on the wrong foot somehow, and felt terrible when she learned that Garcelle didn’t feel heard by Kyle. Kyle would like to start over again, there’s no reason for them to not be getting along.
Garcelle is like, “I mean, except for you calling me out about the whole charity thing.” Garcelle goes on to explain that she figured out what happened: the charity had an old address for her, and she never received the payment request. But once she did, she paid it immediately. What Garcelle wants to know is if Kyle would have confronted one of the white cast members that way if they had done the same thing.
Garcelle then has to patiently explain to this white woman that there are stereotypes about Black people not paying their bills or tipping and that she is constantly having to negotiate uncomfortable situations that white people never have to think about. So when Kyle accused her of not paying, it felt like she was weaponizing this mistake against Garcelle.
Kyle claims to not have known any of this, sincerely apologizes, and thanks Garcelle for opening up with her. Garcelle seems to accept Kyle’s apology (as opposed to Rinna’s last week), and they move on to talking about more pleasant topics, namely Garcelle’s hot trainer.
Elsewhere, Sutton goes to Erika’s office? clubhouse? warehouse? I’m sure somewhere in the lawsuits, it is given an official description. After the requisite “Look At All of Erika’s Expensive Shit” montage, Erika and Sutton chat about their upcoming trip to Lake Tahoe. Sutton goes on to share a weird story that has nothing to do with Lake Tahoe, and everything to do with how she learned what the word “knobber” means. It involves a private plane, a disgraced pilot, a porn shoot, a helicopter, and the FAA.
Sutton also talks about her house project and how she views it as a symbol of her financial independence. Sutton tells Erika that she feels like she’s found the “pretty mess” inside of her, that she’s become an impassioned woman who “really doesn’t give a fuck” anymore.
We pay a visit to Crystal’s house where we learn that she is very Type-A, runs the schedule for the entire house, has a brother who is a pop star in China named Jeff, lives in a 9,000 square foot home which she considers small, and has an assistant named Lucy who does not put up with her bullshit.
The pop star manny brother and the sarcastic “presidente” housekeeper Lucy? Should Crystal be on #RHOBH or have her own show? pic.twitter.com/VyRjNj3AXx
— Korina Moss Author, cheese shop mystery series (@KorinaLMoss) May 27, 2021
Let’s give Lucy her own show. We’ll call it “I Love Lucy.”
So, the Lake Tahoe trip. The ladies gather at a private plane lounge; Rinna and Garcelle arriving first, to Gracelle’s irritation. She doesn’t have to make awkward small talk with Rinna for long, though, as Kyle and her 67 suitcases arrive, followed by Kathy, who explains that she, somehow, in her 60-something years, has never been on a girls’ trip. TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS, KATHY HILTON.
The remaining women arrive at the airport, and soon they are on a small private flight to Lake Tahoe, much to Garcelle’s distress. After a one-hour flight, they land in Reno and are soon loaded up onto a bus and driven the one hour into South Lake Tahoe.
Alright. So. Here’s the thing. I spend at least one week every year in Lake Tahoe; it’s one of my family’s favorite places on this planet and I am quite familiar with every corner of the lake. This is relevant only because when Rinna announced this trip to Lake Tahoe, I assumed she was planning on staying someplace on the northern end of the lake, up near Tahoe City or Incline Village, where the houses can be close to the lake, quite large and fairly private. So I was legitimately shocked to learn they were staying in South Lake which is … and I say this as a person who chooses to spend at least a week of my life there every single year … it’s not Real Housewifey. It’s really, really not.
As they drive to their destination, the women share their experiences with Lake Tahoe — or lack thereof. They finally arrive at “The Sherman Estate,” a 17-bedroom “house” that is clearly designed for corporate retreats. It also happens to be perched one street directly above a house we rented one year, so I can happily recommend Himmel Haus just down the road if the ladies are looking for a currywurst and a healthy liter of hefeweizen.
Instead, they lug their own luggage into the property, grumpy that there are no bellmen to help them with their collective 600 pieces of luggage thanks to the pandemic.
where is the bellman? you guys realize you vacationed in South Lake Tahoe…. we literally call it poverty with a view. #RHOBH
— Halo (@mtnhales) May 27, 2021
(This is what I’m saying.)
They are given a quick tour of the house by the property manager, and it includes a movie theater, sports bar, indoor pool, and hot tub and these women will use none of the above with maybe the exception of the sports bar. The property manager also warns them to keep the downstairs doors closed and locked, as bears do have access to that level. This changes Garcelle’s plans to retire to the private first floor because fuck that noise. But it’s fine because THERE ARE 16 OTHER BEDROOMS TO CHOOSE FROM.
Maybe the Real Housewives of New York OGs should look into this property to just completely sidetrack Ramona’s room-choosing shenanigans next season.
As the women settle into their individual rooms, Kyle checks in on her sister, Kathy, reminding us that it was just not that long ago that they weren’t speaking to one another over that Alicia Silverstone series Kyle made about their mom. But look at them now: Kathy is complaining that she wants Kyle to stay in a room closer to her, but Kyle sighs that she’s down “with the bears.” Again, there are 17 bedrooms and eight women on this trip so I’m pretty sure no one is forcing Kyle to sleep with the bears.
Kathy then whines that she can’t plug the box fan that Kathy flew to Lake Tahoe to provide white noise while she sleeps. FIRST OF ALL, THERE ARE APPS FOR THAT. But second of all, Kyle plugs the fan in by … plugging it in?
Kathy Hilton’s fan is more interesting than Teddi ever was #RHOBH
— Shanners (@shannnners) May 27, 2021
In an interview, Kyle wonders how Kathy gets by. We all do, Kyle.
That night, Kyle decides that she’s going to make dinner for everyone, despite there being a private chef on site. And while making dinner for eight is not a small feat, all we’re talking about here is roasting some salmon steaks, and tossing some pasta with olive oil and basil.
The first warning sign should have been when she announces she needs to cook the salmon for 20 minutes …
… but when she plops herself down with the rest of the ladies to enjoy a cocktail because she thinks she has time for a “happy hour” … well, let’s just say no one should have been surprised when the fire alarm went off, and all the salmon was burnt.
The chef watching Kyle’s salmon burn #RHOBH pic.twitter.com/TE4giKGHTU
— Steve Andrews (@MaquisSteve) May 27, 2021
little lot of char doesn’t stop Kyle from serving this nasty-ass fish, because it’s not like these women actually eat food or anything. As the women pretend to eat this completely blackened — and not in the proper way — fish, Kathy praises Kyle by saying “Doogie knows her stuff. Doogie’s a good cook.”
Excuse me, Doogie? What the fuck is that?
Kathy explains in an interview that she and Kim have always called Kyle “Doogie,” because “she’s like a little doogie. You know, a doogie. A little child.”
Sutton brought gifts for everyone which, OK, BUT WHY? Like, I understand being hospitable and offering gift bags at your own party or event or bringing a gift to a hostess, but I don’t understand the urge to give these women gifts every time they go out of town together? This is not a gift occasion?
Anyway, she gives all of the women monogrammed flasks, joking that they all might need it for next week’s election results (OH Y’ALL ARE GONNA NEED THEM FOR MORE THAN JUST ELECTION NIGHT, TRUST). Kathy wonders what, exactly, they’re supposed to put in the flask, before deciding she’s going to use hers for mouthwash.
A++. No notes.
The women then retire to the basement “sports bar” where they play “two truths and a lie.”
Crystal is first: 1. She’s been arrested. 2. She worked at an escort agency. 3. She has been propositioned to become a madam.
The other women:
The lie, it turns out, is being arrested. She explains that she was an operator for an escort service when she was 18 years old — and that she “grew up quickly that summer.”
Sutton is next: 1. She was a barista at Starbucks. 2. She’s stolen something. 3. She was a virgin when she got married.
The women all agree that the lie has to be that she was a barista because Sutton WOULD NEVER. Sutton is OFFENDED by their certainty and reveals that she did work at Starbucks, in fact, and OF COURSE she wasn’t a virgin when she got married.
But … I mean … we can all see it, though, right?
Erika’s are intriguing …: 1. Wore a wire in a government case. 2. Was adopted. 3. Used to work for the Mafia.
When someone guesses that she was adopted, Erika insists that her mother is her birth mother. As for which one is the real lie, she can’t actually say on camera, but she will tell them privately.
Or! And here’s a thought! Don’t bring things up on camera that you shouldn’t be talking about on camera!
Of course, if she did that, we wouldn’t have a season, so.
Rinna passes on playing the game, claiming that she’s a bad liar. Someone points out that she’s an actress — but, of course, no one claimed she was a good actress.
Kathy goes next: 1. She worked as a dental assistant. 2. She worked as a hairdresser. 3. She was a receptionist at the Waldorf Astoria.
The women are confused, because they are pretty sure based on things that she has said that all three are true, and Kathy is like, “Because they are!”
Don’t play games with Kathy Hilton, she doesn’t know how rules work.
With that, the women start heading to bed, except Kyle, Sutton, and Crystal who continue hanging out in the basement. We’ll get back to them in a sec.
Upstairs, Garcelle goes into Rinna’s room to clear some things up. Garcelle explains that Sutton told her that Rinna is under the impression that everything is great between them and it is NOT. Rinna is surprised, having thought that their dinner went well, but Garcelle’s like, “except for the part where I never had a chance to talk about how I felt?”
Garcelle proceeds to use this moment to make that clear now: Rinna was a shitty friend to Denise and she is a shitty friend to Garcelle. She saw a side to Rinna that she had never seen before, and she no longer trusts her. And after her divorce, she can only have people she trusts around her. How can Garcelle trust that Rinna won’t turn on her the way she did Denise?
Rinna promises that she will never come after Garcelle, but argues that they really need to try to move forward from this. Rinna knows that she can’t change what happened the year before, and gets that Garcelle wants to punish her a little bit. Garcelle is like, “YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, RINNA,” before going on about how her one real fault is that she’s too nice and doesn’t become angry enough. As a Black woman, she’s learned to temper her reactions to not fall into the trap of being accused of being an “Angry Black Woman.”
Anyway, it’s going to take her some time to trust Rinna again. Rinna thanks Garcelle for being so honest with her and coming to her with her feelings, and insists that this is a good start at mending their friendship.
Downstairs, Kyle tells Sutton and Crystal that she and Garcelle have ironed out their differences. Crystal asks what the problem was, and Kyle explains about the reunion and the auction and calling Garcelle out for not paying … Kyle says that she regrets doing so, especially after Garcelle explained how and why that was so painful to her as a Black woman. Kyle insists that she just never understood that there was a stigma around Black people and paying bills. Sutton confirms that Kyle would NEVER mean to slight Garcelle that way …
But Crystal interrupts and is like, “Well, coming from someone who ISN’T white, when you are a person of color, sometimes you can’t see anything but the presumed stereotypes that are being applied to you.” Crystal adds that she’s had friends make thoughtless comments about Asians … but before she can finish that thought, Sutton swoops in and begins angrily yelling that SHE IS NOT GOING TO DO THIS. SHE IS NOT TALKING ABOUT RACIAL STEREOTYPES.
“Well it’s easy for you not to,” replies Crystal.
Sutton, who is full-blown angry now, sarcastically says to Kyle that, “This is why (she doesn’t want to talk about stereotypes),” before going on to claim that white southerners are also stereotyped — as dumb rednecks.
Crystal is like, “PLEASE TELL ME YOU ‘DON’T SEE COLOR.’ PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE THAT GIRL.”
But we’re going to have to wait for Sutton to tell Crystal she’s that girl until next time because this one is …
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo and is available on Hulu (for now).