The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Un Petit Hangover”
June 25, 2019
Somehow, we are still in France.
The women wake up hungover and full of regrets for the things that they can remember, which, honestly, isn’t much. Teddi remembers, vaguely, going downstairs to dinner and maybe … crying? Was she crying? OH GOD, WHY WAS SHE CRYING? Kyle informs her that, in fact, she was crying to Rinna about the single most rich white lady thing I’ve ever in my life heard: not wanting things to be uncomfortable, ever. But even worse, Kyle is pretty sure they were complete assholes to Erika.
Downstairs at breakfast, Rinna helps fill in some of their blank spots and strongly suggests they apologize to Erika for being complete assholes.
Rinna then visits Erika, and informs her that Kyle and Teddi are VERY sorry for being complete assholes the night before. Erika is unimpressed.
The group does some archery with a pair of instructors. It is a lot less interesting than even that boring sentence makes it sound.
After, Teddi takes Erika aside and prostrates herself: she’s SO SORRY and she takes FULL RESPONSIBILITY for being a complete asshole. It’s just that Erika sometimes
terrifies Teddi seems disconnected from the group and it makes Teddi uncomfortable. Erika wonders if this bitch is apologizing to her or blaming her for her bad behavior. Teddi keeps protesting that she was drunk and stupid, to which Erika posits, “You know who tells the truth? Drunks and children.”
PREACH, MOMMA ERIKA.
But ultimately, Erika accepts the apology because whatever. Who cares.
When they are done they join the other women who have gathered around a table of cupcakes. There, Kyle also apologizes to Erika for being a complete asshole. Erika’s like, “I’m not going to lie, you were a complete asshole last night. But we’re good friends and this isn’t going to change anything.”
And then these jerks, LEAVE TO GO PACK WITHOUT EATING THE CUPCAKES. Goddammit, what is wrong with these people?
Back in Los Angeles, Dorit is again talking about this shop window where her clothes are going to be displayed as if it’s a fucking movie opening. Thanks to her luxury vacation to France, SHE’S LOST FIVE VALUABLE PLANNING DAYS. HOW WILL SHE POSSIBLY OVERSEE THE POSING OF SOME MANNEQUINS ON SUCH A TIGHT TIMELINE? IT’S IMPOSSIBLE.
Dorit tells her husband that she has named one of her new bathing suits after Teddi (after having snubbed her last season) and a cover-up that is filled with holes after Camille, which they laugh and laugh about being appropriate to Camille’s nature. See, because it’s a “cover-up” but it’s made of netting? I don’t really get it, but OK.
Later, the women, sans Kyle (and Lisa Vanderpump, of course) meet for lunch. Rinna comes bearing QVC sweatsuits for Denise and Camille, since they’ve lost everything in the fires, and both women are gracious.
Camille sighs that she just never imagined that she’d be in a position to not have any clothes or a house, before adding that she also recently lost Scott, her assistant of 22 years. And if that’s not bad enough, her daughter is being a real diva, and her business manager has left the country for TWO WEEKS. THE NERVE OF HER. Camille sighs that’s she cursed, her life just SUCKS.
Erika asks her if her beach house survived the fire, and Camille hisses that it did — because Camille owned TWO homes in Malibu — but explains that it’s under construction. So while she can’t say she’s “homeless,” she has no real place to live. You know, besides her place in Hawaii. And whatever other properties she might have squirreled away. So, yes, she lost her actual home, not a vacation property, and not a rental house like Denise.
Denise, trying to commiserate with Camille even though Camille is making it REALLY HARD, notes that this whole experience has been a tough start for their young marriages, and Camille launches into some story about how her husband insisted on going out and replacing their skis and ski boots IMMEDIATELY. She was so irritated by this, she went out and bought herself a vintage Burberry coat.
The other women:
Sometime later, Dorit goes to Kitson to preview the window display. Once there, she’s HORRIFIED at what she sees: some mannequins posed next to each other, a surfboard, a fake palm tree, and a floaty thing. THIS WILL NEVER DO, Dorit huffs, before storming into the display and moving the surfboard so that it is next to the other mannequin. THANK GOD SHE HAD A CHANCE TO INCLUDE HER VISION, OR THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A DISASTER.
Elsewhere, Teddi meets Denise to do a little shopping for Dorit’s big window display reveal, because you don’t want to go to a window display reveal underdressed like a total dipshit. At the store, Denise explains that they can’t live in their house because the power to all of Malibu is shut off, but hey, at least she didn’t lose her entire home the way Camille did.
About Camille, Teddi notes that the other women have some unresolved issues with Camille, and Denise is like, “Well, I am relieved they didn’t bring it up at lunch because now’s not the time.” Teddi completely agrees and then Denise buys the cheapest dress in Beverly Hills.
Then it’s Dorit’s big window reveal. Dorit greets everyone and shows Camille and Teddi their eponymous Beverly Beach items, and they are both delighted to be so honored. Finally, once everyone arrives, they tear down — as Camille Grammer accurately describes it — the garbage bags that cover the window to reveal …
— Gibson Johns (@gibsonoma) June 29, 2019
Once the reveal has been made, everyone loads up into a party van to be taken to dinner except for Dorit’s Insufferable Husband who just … goes home? Has a dinner meeting somewhere else? It’s never explained and it normally wouldn’t have given me pause.
BUT, considering he becomes the flashpoint at dinner, it is curious.
Before we get to that, everyone goes to dinner — everyone being all of the ladies including some rando friend of Camille’s, and Teddi’s husband Whatshisface, and Denise’s husband, Aaron, but not Lisa VanderDone, obviously. On the way to dinner, Camille, sitting next to Dorit in the party bus, makes some small talk about the window display reveal, to which Dorit replies that she had to put out a lot of fires. As soon as the metaphor flies out of her mouth, she realizes her faux pas, but Camille assures her that she’s “not mad.” OH, WE WILL SEE ABOUT THAT.
Dinner starts off well enough: Kyle invites everyone to another of her husband’s boring agency parties; there’s a lot of talk about fireplaces; everyone toasts Dorit. The group also sorta kinda laments the VanderLoss of Lisa from the group, noting that none of them have seen her and that it really is a shame that she didn’t attend Camille’s shower or wedding.
But, Rinna tells Camille, she really let Lisa off the VanderHook about not attending in that People Magazine article. What was that blowjob piece even about? Denise suggests that now is not the time to be attacking Camille about this, but Camille insists that her house burning down is completely unrelated to this conversation, and she’s ready to have it. She then says that she understands why they are upset about the People Magazine article and promises to be “more in the moment” in the future, whatever the hell that even means.
Teddi then decides to interject herself into the conversation because that’s always helpful. She tells Camille that she’s “confused” by her behavior, saying one thing to one person and then something completely different to someone else. It all just makes Teddi worry about what Camille is saying about her behind her back.
“So, I’m a flip-flopper and you’re a know-it-all. I’ve been called worse,” Camille accurately retorts.
Camille encourages it all to come out, so Rinna’s like, “Well, if you insist, you talked some shit about Dorit to me. I told her about it but I didn’t tell her what you said specifically, so if you want to go ahead and address that …”
And Camille agrees to do so: right before her 50th birthday party, she told Rinna that she thought Dorit was hard to get to know, and that she didn’t trust her, and that she doesn’t know where Dorit gets her money from …
Camille then goes on to claim that Dorit’s Insufferable Husband had told her that he filed for bankruptcy. Which he did, and on camera at that, though it’s not the gotcha that Camille might have hoped it was, as Dorit confirms the same story. He built a billion-dollar business (or “billion” dollar business) and then in the financial crisis of 2008, he had to file for bankruptcy like a common Real Housewife of New Jersey. But he rebuilt the business and anyway, FUCK YOU FOR BRINGING UP HER HUSBAND AND HER FINANCES.
Camille sighs that she knows for a fact that Dorit’s Insufferable Husband owes a lot of money to someone very close to her, an accusation that Dorit vehemently denies. Camille sighs that maybe Dorit just doesn’t know everything that’s going on with her husband, and — HILARIOUSLY — insists that she’s just trying to protect Dorit.
Camille shrugs that she knows lawyers are involved, and that again, she’s just saying all of this out loud on camera in front of God and Andy Cohen so as to protect Dorit.
Rinna protests that this goes WAY beyond what Camille said to her and that discussing husbands is crossing a line.
Rinna would know.
Camille tries to claim fair is fair: everyone was coming for her, so … And Denise is like, “YOU KNOW WHAT, SOME THINGS SHOULDN’T BE DISCUSSED AT A BIG TABLE AT DINNER.”
Denise, you’re not wrong. See you next season, girl.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo.