A Not-Live! Blog of the 2018 Emmys which were a fraud.


screaming angry namaste mad

breathe rupaul drag race zen calm down

OK I’M OK I’M OK I’M OK Let’s just get this criminal sham over with.



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7:01 We begin the Emmys not with our hosts, Saturday Night Live’s Colin Jost, and Michael Che, but with Saturday Night Live‘s ACTUAL superstars, Kate McKinnon and Kenan Thompson. These two, along with Kristin Bell, Tituss Burgess, Ricky Martin, Sterling K. Brown, John Legend and with assists from Sandra Oh, Andy Samberg, and RuPaul, sing a cheeky song about how Hollywood has “solved” its diversity issues.

The joke being, of course, that it hasn’t, a fact which becomes almost laughably — but mostly just painfully — obvious mere moments later.

7:07 The actual hosts, Michael Che, and Colin Jost, finally emerge to do a stiff, not-particularly-funny, definitely-not-political 7-minute monologue which mostly avoided #MeToo, but yet somehow still managed to make a joke insinuating women are prostitutes because Michael Che’s gonna Michael Che.

I’m not going to break down their jokes other than to point out that this was the highlight of both the monologue and Atlanta’s entire night:

7:14 Our first award of the night, Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series, goes to the delightful Henry Winkler for his role on Barry. And look, if I were the only voter, Brian Tyree Henry would have walked away with this Emmy the moment his name was announced as a nominee. (And honestly, even before that.)

But, fortunately for Winkler who has been waiting 42 years for an Emmy, I’m not the only voter. It’s hard to begrudge him this, especially after his adorable acceptance speech which he ends with a, “My wife Stacey, oh, my god. My cast and crew, and the kids! Kids! Jed, Zoe and Max, you can go to bed now! Daddy won!” (Jed, Zoe, and Max are 40, 38 and 35, respectively.)

Also, he’s the motherfucking Fonz.

Let’s check on what I predicted:

Who Will Win: I could see Tony Shalhoub or Henry Winkler taking this category.
Who Should Win: Bryan Tyree Henry was fanfuckingtastic in Atlanta this season.

Points: Half a point for splitting my guess.

7:22 Che and Jost make some dumb joke about how comedies now are just dramas that are 30 minutes long, which, OK, but it’s really the hour-long dramas that are infringing on comedy’s territory. For instance, just ask how Atlanta is feeling about The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel this morning.

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Supporting Actress in a Comedy is presented by the wonderful Jimmy Kimmel and Tracy Morgan (or, as Kimmel jokes, what Che and Jost will look like in 30 years), and Morgan declares that he’s rooting for all the black nominees: Leslie Jones, Zazie Beetz, Millie Bobby Brown… (me too, Tracy). When Kimmel informs him that Brown isn’t black, Tracy Morgan disinivites her from the cookout. My invitation must have been lost in the mail.

Who actually wins: Alex Borstein for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and her spectacular nipples.

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Borstein, who starred in the tragically underrated Getting On (seriously — watch it on HBO Go), gives the evening’s most stirring speech, urging her fellow women to SIT DOWN ON THE TOILET AND STOP SPRAYING THEIR PEE ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE.


What I predicted: 

Who Will Win: I genuinely don’t know — there’s not an obvious frontrunner here, but if I have to choose, I’d go with Megan Mullally or Kate McKinnon.
Who Should Win: Betty Gilpin — although Zazie Beetz was great in this season of Atlanta.

Points: 0

7:26 Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series is presented by the aforementioned Millie Bobby Brown and the Mother of Dragons, and it goes to Amy Sherman-Palladino for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

This is the moment when my ears started to feel hot.

Somehow I did not include my guesses on writing and directing wins in my predictive post which doesn’t seem like me as I obviously care about both of those categories. The nominees in this category included:

  • “Alligator Man,” Atlanta by Donald Glover
  • “Barbershop,” Atlanta by Stefani Robinson
  • “Chapter One: Make Your Mark,” Barry by Alec Berg and Bill Hader
  • “Chapter Seven: Loud, Fast And Keep Going,” Barry by Liz Sarnoff
  • “Fifty-One Percent,” Silicon Valley by Alec Berg
  • “Pilot,” The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel by Amy Sherman-Palladino

And had I guessed, I would have put all my chips in on “Alligator Man.” And I would have been wrong.

7:29  After a charming bit of banter between presenters Sandra Oh (who needs to be given more comedy work) and Andy Samberg, the Outstanding Directing in a Comedy Series Emmy also goes to Amy Sherman-Palladino for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

My scalp begins to burn.

As noted, I didn’t make predictions about the directing Emmys, but the nominees included:

  • “FUBU,” Atlanta directed by Donald Glover
  • “Teddy Perkins,” Atlanta, directed by Hiro Murai
  • “Chapter One: Make Your Mark,” Barry directed by Bill Hader
  • “Pilot,” GLOW, directed by Jesse Peretz
  • “Initial Coin Offering,” Silicon Valley directed by Mike Judge
  • “The Bow Tie Asymmetry,” The Big Bang Theory by Mark Cendrowski
  • “Pilot,” The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” directed by Amy Sherman-Palladino.

I didn’t realize that anything but “Teddy Perkins” could win in this category, but here we are.

7:35 Tiffany Haddish and Omarosa Manigault Angela Bassett …

…  to Rachel Brosnahan for, you guessed it, The Marvelous Fucking Mrs. Maisel.

Look, Brosnahan is a lovely Alexis Bledel impersonator, and she clearly carries this series, and bless her for using time in her acceptance speech to encourage people to vote. That said,  Tracee Ellis Ross had an emotionally rich season on black-ish; Issa Rae was a revelation on Insecure; and I can see why you wouldn’t want to reward Louis C.K. even adjacently, but Pamela Adlon is tremendous on Better Things. And all of this is to go three miles out of the way to say Kristin Bell was ROBBED for The Good Place. NOT EVEN A NOMINATION, YOU MONSTERS?

What I predicted: 

Who Will Win: Pamela Adlon is the safe bet here, although Tracee Ellis Ross could make a strong showing after a very emotional season of black-ish.
Who Should Win: Pamela Adlon

Points: 0

7:39 The ghost of Kurt Russell comes out to present Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy after giving a whole speech to the future losers about holding on to their rage all the way to the grave.

Larry David was unamused.


And the Emmy goes to Bill Hader for Barry instead of Donald Glover for Atlanta.

White nonsense

Here’s what I will say. What I will say is that the lead tends to not be the funniest or most dynamic character in any comedy. Comedies often rely on a stable center around which the chaos happens. And Donald Glover’s Earn on Atlanta is just that — he is far less interesting than Paper Boi or Darius; he is the straight man that grounds the show.

Bill Hader, on the other hand, gave a really complicated and nuanced performance in Barry that was alternately hilarious, sad, scary and infuriating. Also, he was playing an actor and there is nothing Hollywood loves more than a masturbatory look at their own business. WHICH I GUESS ALSO EXPLAINS THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL STEALING ALL OF ATLANTA’S PRIZES.

All that said, Teddy Perkins, tho.

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What did I predict?

Who Will Win: This is a tricky one: Donald Glover is the obvious choice, but keep your eye on Bill Hader who gave a truly wonderful performance in Barry.
Who Should Win: Honestly? I would love to see Ted Danson take this one this year. He was a delight in The Good Place, and frankly, Glover’s Earn is the least interesting character on Atlanta.

Points: Half a point

But just so we’re clear, that was not Glover as Teddy Perkins in the audience.

7:46 Che and Jost return to the stage to inform us that we have now moved from the Disappoint-Everyone-Involved-With-Atlanta portion of the evening (for now) and onto the Limited Series portion of the evening. But first they bring out the usually wonderful Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen to introduce a tedious recurring bit where Rudolph and Armisen helpfully provide Oscar “facts” which is just one long improv routine. And no one finds an improv routine funnier than the people in the improv routine.

7:48 John Legend and Chrissy TIE-gan present Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series to Merritt Literally Can Do No Wrong Weaver for her performance in Godless. You might remember Weaver’s perfect “I GOTTA GO. BYE.” acceptance speech in 2013 for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy, and while this speech isn’t quite that caliber of genius, sputtering that she hopes the audience doesn’t mistake her fear for a lack of gratitude, and reminding herself to be a grown-up before thanking the audience on behalf of herself and her character was still pretty good. Give Weaver an Emmy for Emmy Speeches.

What did I predict?

Who Will Win: There is a good chance Merritt Weaver will take this one.
Who Should Win: Adina Porter or Judith Light

Points: Full point!

7:51 Maya Rudolph and Fed Armisen give Emmy “facts.”

kathy rhonj bored lips

7:53 Jon Snow and Constance Wu present Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series to Jeff Daniels for Godless. He spends most of his time thanking a horse named Apollo who preferred the company of Jeff Bridges.

7:56 Aidy Bryant and Bob Odenkirk come out and do that “meta” thing where they make fun of the awful awards show banter except that making fun of awards show banter as the banter itself been so done to death at this point that making fun of the banter is somehow worse than the banter? Don’t look at me like that, you know what I’m talking about. Anyway, they are here for Outstanding Writing for a Limited Series, which goes to the “USS Callister” episode of Black Mirror, and I’m great with this.

The other nominees were

  • American Vandal
  • The Assassination of Gianni Versace
  • Godless
  • Patrick Melrose
  •  Twin Peaks

And honestly, I would have been fine with any of these with the exception of Gianni Versace — which I actually really enjoyed, but let’s be honest, the writing was not its strong suit. Had I taken a guess back in July, I would have gone with “USS Callister” in part because it’s so good, but in larger part because it’s an hour long and most people who vote could actually watch it without having to make a 10+ hour investment.

8:04 Alec Baldwin and Kate McKinnon introduce National Treasure Betty White who is … well, I don’t know what this is. She just comes out and talks about how grateful she is to be out there talking? The thing is, I’m happy to honor the wonderful Betty White who is a goddamned television legend, but couldn’t they do something more official than just have her”Give a Special Statement?” Couldn’t they have gone down to the trophy place and gin up some fancy looking geegaw and give it some sort of official name, like the Lifetime Celebration of TV Awesomeness or something? I’m not turning down time with Betty White, I just think they could have honored her a little with an actual honor.

8:09 James Corden comes out to present Outstanding Direction for a Limited Series, and suggests that to honor Betty White they should start a hashtag: #EmmysSoWhite which HAHAHAHAHAHA IS HILARIOUS, JUST ASK DONALD GLOVER OR ISSA RAE. (It, like the opening number, is actually a pretty funny joke. Shame that the Emmys had to go and ruin the punchline.)

Ryan Murphy wins for The Assassination of Gianni Versace and seems genuinely surprised. Murphy gives a passionate speech, dedicating the Emmy to the victims of LGTBQ violence, and “all of those taken too soon.” Also, his jacket is gorgeous. But if you’re going to be up there representing for a show about a fashion designer, I guess you better come ready.

As for the other nominees:

  • Godless, directed by Scott Frank
  • Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert, directed by David Leveaux and Alex Rudzinski
  • The Looming Tower (Episode: “9/11”), directed by Craig Zisk
  • Paterno, directed by Barry Levinson
  • Patrick Melrose, directed by Edward Berger
  • Twin Peaks, directed by David Lynch.

Had I guessed, I might have gone with Twin Peaks, and I would have been way wrong.

8:12 A pairing I never knew that I needed but that I want to see more of, RuPaul and Leslie Jones (BRING HER ON AS A JUDGE, RU), come out to present Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series to the one and only Regina King for her work on Seven Seconds. And I’m gonna be honest with you, I haven’t seen a single second, much less seven, of Seven Seconds. But I don’t need to. I know Regina King earned that Emmy, Regina King is the single best actress on TV right now (although Carrie Coons is nipping at her heels) and can do no wrong.

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: Laura Dern has the edge in this category, but Jessica Biel could be a dark horse for her work in the weird, eerie The Sinner.
Who Should Win: Regina King, because Regina King should win everything she’s ever nominated for.

Points: 0

8:16 Larry David and Rachel Brosnahan are the presenters for Lead Actor in a Limited Series and David makes some jokes about not being good at banter before comparing the whole exchange to being on a date and, Larry, baby, I love you, but … no. Not now. I know “uncomfortable” is your whole brand … but right now is not the right time to be even pretend hitting on an actress the same age as your daughter, dude.

no because no

Anyway, Darren Criss wins Lead Actor in a Limited Series for The Assassination of Gianni Versace. I thought — and still think — Jeff Daniels should have won for his performance in The Looming Tower, but I’m not mad at this because Criss earned the Emmy for this alone:

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8:23 In a pre-taped video sketch, Michael Che gives out “Emmy Reparations:” Bill Cosby’s old Emmys to African-American actors who were previously overlooked by the Academy. Which ha, ok, but seriously, though, when does Donald Glover get his?

8:27 My Broad City best friends, Abby and Ilana present Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special to John Mulaney for John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous at Radio City which ABSOLUTELY would have been my choice for what should win, because:

horse in a hospital

But out of the nominees:

  • Full Frontal with Samantha Bee: The Great American* Puerto Rico (*It’s Complicated)
  • Michelle Wolf: Nice Lady
  • Patton Oswalt: Annihilation
  •  Steve Martin & Martin Short: An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life

I would have put money on the Steve Martin/Martin Short special winning. For sure.

8:30 If you didn’t watch the Emmys last night, there was one moment that you definitely heard about. After winning Outstanding Directing for a Variety Special for directing The Oscars, Glenn Weiss proposed to his girlfriend on stage. AND HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU, GLENN? WHAT IF SHE HAD SAID NO? WE ARE LITERALLY AT THE HALFWAY MARK OF THE SHOW, YOU ASSHOLE, YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO ROLL THE DICE ON RUINING THE REST OF EVERYONE’S NIGHT? DON’T PROPOSE IN STADIUMS, YOU EGOMANIACS, AND DON’T FUCKING PROPOSE ON THE EMMYS. WHY ARE MEN SO STUPID.

I mean, yay, she said yes.

Please don’t invite me to the wedding.

8:38 Tina Fey, we need to talk, momma. You know I love you, but I need to know, did you know you were going to the Emmys? I mean, this dress is … not what I would have chosen, different tastes and all. But whatever, it fits you nicely. Not entirely sure about that belt, but, again, I’ll let that go.

No, what we need to talk about … it’s … it’s the hair, Tina. What’s going on with this hair?

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Literally, this is not an exaggeration, LITERALLY, I AM WEARING MY HAIR LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW, and here’s a list of things I’ve done today: gone to the grocery store, picked up my kid from school, took my kid to guitar lessons, gone to the pet store to buy crickets and mealworms (don’t ask) and written snarky things about fancy celebrities at a fancy awards ceremony. YOU ARE ONE OF THE FANCY CELEBRITIES I AM WRITING ABOUT. YOUR HAIR SHOULD EXPRESS THAT. INSTEAD, YOUR HAIR IS EXPRESSING, “40 large crickets, please.”

And what is the hilarious Tina Fey doing on stage tonight? OH I’M GLAD YOU ASKED! She’s here to introduce the death montage. You know, the big bummer moment of the night? WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS? WHO IS DIRECTING THIS MESS? DO Y’ALL KNOW WHO TINA FEY IS?

Anyway, people died last year, and I’m still not ready to talk about Anthony Bourdain yet.

8:47 Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph are back at it with their not funny improv.

jacqueline rhonj bored irritated

8:48 We then move on to the drama categories, beginning with Supporting Actor in a Drama. Presenters Samantha Bee and Taraji P. Henson make some jokes about the dystopian hellscape that we currently live in before giving the Emmy to the very deserving Peter Dinklage for Game of Thrones, his third for this role because Everybody Loves Tyrion. (Oh my God, that would be an AMAZING spinoff — call me, HBO!) Dinklage goes out of his way to thank his co-star and “brother” Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and I could not love him more.

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: Matt Smith is my best guess.
Who Should Win: Peter Dinklage

Points: 0

8:51 Elizabeth Moss and Samira Wiley present the Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama — which is an interesting choice since three of their fellow Handmaid’s Tale co-stars are among the nominees.

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These three, specifically.

But then, TWIST! The Emmy goes to Thandie Motherfucking Badass Newton for her role as Maeve on Westworld. My girlfriend Thandie begins her speech thusly: “I don’t even believe in God but I’m going to thank her tonight. I am so blessed. I am so blessed. Without this, I am even so f—king blessed.” Yes, you are, Miss Thandie, yes ma’am you fucking are.

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: Alexis Bledel, but Thandie Newton certainly has a chance.
Who Should Win: Thandie Newton was wonderful in Westworld, although I find it curious that she is in the supporting category, as she virtually owned this season.

Points: Half point

8:58 Gina Rodriguez and Lil Rel Howery present Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series to The Americans, earning the series’ only its third Emmy. Ever. Which is ridiculous. Someone call Michael Che and see if he has any of those Reparation Emmys left over.

The other series nominated included:

  • The Crown
  • Game of Thrones
  • The Handmaid’s Tale
  • Killing Eve
  •  Stranger Things

And while I didn’t make a guess, if I had, I probably would have gone with The Americans, while whining that Killing Eve should win.


9:02 The final hour of the ceremony begins with the single best presentation of the night from the amazing Hannah Gadsby of Nanette fame. I am guessing that if you read Foolish Watcher with any regularity, you’re the type of person who knows what Nanette is. However, if it is your first time here, welcome. But also, Nanette is an unconventional stand-up special by the aforementioned Hannah Gadsby in which she sort of deconstructs stand-up and the act of making jokes before revealing the personal traumas and violence at the hands of men she has endured in her past that she both survived and hid from using humor. It’s harrowing and hilarious in equal parts and very important AND ANYWAY JUST GO WATCH NANETTE ON NETFLIX.

And then let’s give Hannah Gadsby an Emmy for this:

As you can see in the video, she presents the Emmy for Outstanding Direction in a Drama to Stephen Daldry for The Crown, and you know, sure. Whatever. OK.

The other nominees included:

  • Game of Thrones (Episode: “Beyond the Wall”), directed by Alan Taylor
  • Game of Thrones (Episode: “The Dragon and the Wolf”), directed by Jeremy Podeswa
  • The Handmaid’s Tale (Episode: “After”), directed by Kari Skogland
  • Ozark (Episode: “The Toll”), directed by Jason Bateman
  • Ozark (Episode: “Tonight We Improvise”), directed by Daniel Sackheim
  • Stranger Things (Episode: “Chapter Nine: The Gate”), directed by the Duffer Brothers.

Had I made a guess, I would have put my money on either The Crown or The Handmaid’s Tale while bitching that the Game of Thrones episode they SHOULD have nominated was “The Spoils of War” (the one with the Stark girls’ reunion, the amazing Arya/Brienne spar; and the loot train — otherwise known as THE BEST EPISODE OF THE SEASON).

9:08 The Queer Eye guys come out to give advice to the men nominated for Outstanding Actor in a Drama and it … is not great. In any event, Matthew Rhys wins for The Americans and I miss most of his speech because my husband and I are discussing what kind of accent Rhys has instead of just looking it up on Wikipedia and being done with it. I hear he gave a good speech, though, noting that Keri Russell threatened to punch him in the mouth if he proposed to her.

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(He’s Welsh, by the way.)

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: Again, this should be Matthew Rhys’ year, but there is a chance that the voters will go with the sentimental pick and choose Sterling K. Brown again.
Who Should Win: Matthew Rhys

Points: I’m going to give myself 2/3 of a point for this for having Rhys as both who should and who will, the 1/3 deducted for speculating it could go to Sterling K. Brown.

9:12 Sarah Paulson, looking amazing in an explosion of raven feathers, presents Outstanding Actress in a Drama to Claire Foy for The Crown, and she very sweetly and unexpectedly dedicates it to her co-star Matt Smith.

And before we leave this category, it should be noted that Foy was nominated — and WON — for lead, whereas Smith was nominated for supporting. And, yet, somehow, he was paid more.



What I predicted:

Who Will Win: There is a good chance Keri Russell will win this for The Americans‘ final season, especially considering how badly the Academy has snubbed the show and its amazing actors in the past. That said, Elisabeth Moss and Claire Foy both have good chances here and could serve as spoilers.
Who Should Win: As much as I want to say Tatiana Maslany — because holy God, Tatiana Maslany — I’m going with Sandra Oh who was a revelation in Killing Eve. Fun fact: she is the first Asian actress to be nominated in this category.

Points: 1/3 a point.

9:19 The Chairman of the Academy blah blahs about the interns, who cares.

9:22 The Accountants blah blah with Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph, WHO CARES.

9:27 Rick & Morty present Outstanding Reality Competition Program to RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE!

condragulations-rupaul-drag-racemmhmm-zing-snap-rupaul-drag-racepatriotic drag race flagwerq-drag-racesissy that walk rupal drag race

RuPaul thanks the Academy on behalf of the 140 drag queens they have released into the wild, and, fun fact! RuPaul’s Drag Race made history by winning Outstanding Reality Competition and Outstanding Reality Host in the same year.

latrice snap rupaul's drag race

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: If I have to pick one, I’ll go with the safe bet, The Voice.
Who Should Win: RuPaul’s Drag Race should win everything.

Points: 0

9:30 Dave Chapelle and Neal Brennan present Outstanding Variety Sketch Series to Saturday Night Live, YAWN.

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: Saturday Night Live
Who Should Win: Drunk History

Points: 1

9:38 Outstanding Variety Talk Show is presented by Connie Britton and Eric Bana (stars of Bravo’s upcoming Dirty John) present the award to Last Week Tonight with John Oliver which will continue to win all the awards because it is the best late night show on television.

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Who Should Win: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Points: 2 points for this.

9:40 And now, ladies and germs, we are into the nitty-gritty. The Emmy for Outstanding Limited series is presented by Ben Stiller, Patricia Arquette and Benicio del Toro, otherwise known as the cast and crew of the upcoming Escape At Dannemora — soon on Showtime! — to The Assassination of Gianni Versace.

And, yeah, I did not see that coming. Still think Looming Tower was screwed.

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: The Academy is giving a lot of love to Genius: Picasso, which is … interesting. I would go with Godless or The Alienist, but Genius: Picasso might pull this one off?
Who Should Win: The Looming Tower — even though it wasn’t nominated and somehow Genius: Picasso was.

Points: 0

9:48 Will Ferrell presents Outstanding Comedy to The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

flames on the side of my face clue angry fury

I mean, look. After The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel pretty much swept the earlier comedy categories, this was hardly a surprising result. BUT STILL. I would have been happy for literally any of the other nominees to take this category, even though we all know that Atlanta should have won because IT WAS THE BEST SHOW OF THE YEAR. NOT JUST THE BEST COMEDY, THE BEST SHOW.


I feel you, Larry David.

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: Atlanta — but The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel could be a spoiler. Because: white nonsense.
Who Should Win: Atlanta. In fact, Atlanta should win all of the awards because it is the best show on television.



9:57 Finally, before presenting Outstanding Drama, Kenan Thompson tells Henry Winkler, the man who beat him for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy, that he is very proud of him, which is very sweet. And maybe 40 years from now, Kenan, you’ll win your Emmy for your tireless work on Saturday Night Live, because God knows you’ll still be there.

And then Game of Thrones wins Outstanding Drama for — and this is a true fact — the 3,678th time.

What I predicted:

Who Will Win: The Americans (although maybe Game of Thrones)
Who Should Win: Game of Thrones 

Points: Half a point (maybe a little less since I parenthetically hedged that one)



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