Stephen Colbert notes that there is nothing in the Constitution explicitly preventing the President from pardoning himself, and as a result knows what Trump’s campaign slogan will be “I Could Kill You in Your Sleep”:
“The latest rumor in Washington is that President Trump could decide to pardon himself. This would be completely constitutional according to Donald Trump’s new Supreme Court justice, Donald Trump” — Conan O’Brien:
James Corden points out that if Trump pardons himself, it will definitely be the first time he has ever said the words “pardon me.”:
Jimmy Kimmel marks Trump’s 500th day in office. It feels like it was just yesterday that it was his 1,000th.
The Opposition also celebrates the 500th day of the Trump Presidency and all it’s greatness, including teaching boy scouts about yachy orgies and making Jake Tapper say “shithole.”
Trevor Noah points out that we should treat the North Korea summit like the Roseanne reboot: sure it’s on for now, but it’s only one 3 a.m. tweet away from being cancelled again.
Jimmy Kimmel can not think of any scenario in which he loses his one-on-one basketball game to Ted “Greasy Blobfish” Cruz:
Stephen Colbert also asks the important question: WHERE THE HELL IS MELANIA?
Last Week Tonight‘s cheerful deep dive subject this week was guardianship. Fun!
Finally, this isn’t technically from late night, but Daily Show correspondent Roy Wood Jr. had this amazing tweet story about pranking Houston’s own J. Prince, and it is worth your time: