‘American Horror Story: Cult’: Poison is a woman’s weapon

American Horror Story: Cult
“Drink the Kool-Aid”
October 31, 2017

We begin this episode with Kai telling the dudebros a handful of bedtime stories: of Heaven’s Gate, the UFO millennial cult who killed themselves while wearing matching sweatsuits and Nikes; of David Koresh, the lunatic in Waco who believed himself to be a messiah, and who in a standoff with the ATF caused the deaths of 79 of his followers; and the grand poo-bah of cult leaders, Jim Jones, who when threatened with exposure, made his followers drink cyanide-laced Kool-aid. 918 of his followers died.

Kai explains that the moral of these stories is that it is easy to make men kill for you — the real challenge of leadership and loyalty is convincing men to kill themselves for you. One dudebro is like, “DUDE, ARE WE A CULT? I THOUGHT WE WERE A POLITICAL MOVEMENT?” Kai however insists all politics are personality cults, and the other dudebros are DOWN FOR IT, agreeing with enthusiasm that they would absolutely drink the Kool-Aid for Kai.

At the next city council meeting, Kai suggests that they pass the Kai Andersen Internet Freedom and Integrity Act which would helpfully censor websites deemed offensive or peddling fake news.¬†The measure passes unanimously, WHICH OK YA SURE. And on the success of this impossible nonsense, Kai announces he’ll be running for Senator in 2018.

sure-right-ok-nick-kroll-whatever-you-say

Over at Ally and Ivy’s, Ally is demanding to know: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, IVY? Ivy explains that between the election and work and Ally being a complete lunatic all the damn time, she felt lost and just needed someone to tell her what to do. Did she mention she really really hated Ally there for a while? I mean, Jill Stein? REALLY? But she’s done with the cult now and would like to leave, please.

Winter then swings by with Oz, whom they are like, “great to see you, kid, now run upstairs so the grown-ups can talk, ok bye.” Winter apologizes to Ally — you know, for stealing her wife, trying to drive her crazy and attempting to kill her — oops, her bad. It’s just that the election made her lose her mind.

i hear you sister agree yep.gif

Anyway, Winter finally realized after Kai killed Dr. Brother that he maybe possibly didn’t have her best interests at heart and that it’s time to get the fuck out of Dodge. But they have to leave now, like right now, like NOW NOW.

So, of course, that’s when the dudebros arrive at the house, announcing that a security meeting has been called, and they’re bringing the kid.

At the meeting, Kai pulls out a giant pot, a pile of Dixie cups, and announces they are about to do something radical. “As Jim Jones said …” Kai begins explaining as he passes out the Kool-Aid to the enthusiastic dudebros and the considerably less enthusiastic women. One dudebro does object, so he’s promptly shot and killed.

Now drink.

drink the kool-aid ice cube.gif

And they do and nothing happens because it was just a test, obviously, there are still two more episodes.

Back home, Ally and Ivy throw some clothes into garbage bags — if they were to use suitcases, the dudebros might catch on that they are trying to escape. Next step: pick Oz up from school.

Except, haha, Oz isn’t there, having been picked up earlier by his “nanny.”

Sure enough, Oz is with Kai in the basement, talking about games and daddies and how boys need father figures with whom they can identify. Kai and Oz have a little pinky time, where Kai offers to tell Oz a secret.

And that’s when Ally and Ivy come busting into the house looking for their son whom Kai is offering a Dixie cup full of Kool-Aid. When Ally slaps it out of his hand, Oz protests that he wants to stay with “Daddy.” As Ally and Ivy look on in horror, Kai explains that he has been donating to the Brighton Clinic for years now, and been keeping close track of all of his children. Oz here, he’s special. And if he wants to stay over for a sleepover, what are Ally and Ivy going to do about it? Ivy readily agrees and hurries Ally out of the house.

Back home, Ally makes dinner for Ivy, paired with a bottle of wine from their honeymoon she’s been saving for a special occasion, to celebrate their new start. And by “new start” she means: BITCH, I JUST POISONED YOUR ASS. NOW DIE.

Ivy complies.

R.I.P. Ivy.

Over at the cult house, Kai is telling the dudebros and Oz a story about how Jesus came and resurrected Jim Jones and his followers, but Oz is like, “Not according to Wikipedia.” In response, Kai has a tantrum, smashes Oz’s phone and has one of the dudebros put Oz into time out.

The next morning, Ally comes looking for her son, only to be told by one of the dudebros — the improbably named “Speedwagon” — that Kai left with him early that morning, but he’s sure Oz is safe. And Ally is strangely cool with this, asking Speedwagon to pass along an invitation to Kai for dinner at her house.

Before dinner, however, Ally swings by the fertility clinic where she bribes an office worker to hand over her file and discovers that, in fact, her baby daddy is not actually Kai. Which is a relief! But also makes Oz considerably more vulnerable, so Ally asks the office worker for one more favor.

Kai arrives at Ally’s house where, as he eats his Manwich, Ally informs him that she’s killed Ivy — with poison. Kai is unfazed and keeps eating while Ally explains that a boy needs his father, and she now has the proof that Kai is that man, and slides her file over to him. Divine intervention brought them together! Kai spoke this into existence! OZ IS A MESSIAH BABY DESTINED FOR GREATNESS AND THEREFORE KAI SHOULD DEFINITELY CERTAINLY NOT KILL HIM PLEASE AND THANK YOU!

That bit of business taken care of, Ally and Kai drag Ivy’s body over to his house where he adds her body to the growing one big happy family pile of death.

Timeline:

1967:

Valerie Solanas writes the SCUM Manifesto and creates the SCUM cult

1968:

June:

Valerie Solanas shoots Andy Warhol; she is arrested and sent to a psychiatric hospital

July:

The first Zodiac murders are committed by SCUM

1969:

The Zodiac murders continue, someone takes credit for the killings in letters to the police and newspapers

1973:

Solanas, reunited with her cult, discovers it was a male member who sent the letters, kills him. She eventually becomes increasingly insane and loses her followers

1988:

Valerie Solanas dies

2014:

Kai, Winter and Dr. Vincent’s’ parents die in a murder-suicide; the children stash their parents’ bodies

2015:

October:

Kai and Winter visit the Judgment House, kill Pastor Charles; Kai changes.

2016:

Kai is blackmailed by Detective Samuels, begins a relationship with him
Winter works on the Clinton campaign in Florida
Ally and Ivy have financial and relationship issues

November 7:

Ivy meets Winter at a pro-Clinton rally
Gary assaults Ivy
Ivy and Winter kidnap Gary

November 8:

Kai frees Gary
Everyone votes for President
Trump wins; Ally melts down

November 9:

Kai meets Harrison at the gym
Winter introduces Ivy to Kai

Sometime in November after the Election:

Beverly is harassed by on-camera assholes, goes to a 30-day inpatient facility

Sometime in December 2016:

Beverly is released from treatment
Harrison and Meadow lose their home in foreclosure
Kai and Harrison kill the trainer dude
Kai meets Meadow
Beverly reports on the discovery of the body of the trainer in a landfill
Kai introduces himself to Beverly
Kai, Harrison, and Meadow kill Serena; this is the first appearance of the clowns
Beverly joins Kai as an equal power

2017:

Ally tells Dr. Vincent about her increasing phobias
Ally is menaced by clowns in the grocery store
Ally and Ivy hire Winter
The Changs are murdered
Kai provokes the beating from the Hispanic workers
Kai announces he is running for City Council
Meadow and Harrison move into the Chang’s house
Robert is murdered at the restaurant
Winter makes a move on Ally
Pedro is murdered by Ally
The cult perform the coffin murders

April 3:

Sally Keffler announces her intention to run against Kai

Sometime After April 3, 2017:

The cult drives fogging trucks down Ally’s street
The smiley faces appear on both Ally and Ivy’s house and Meadow and Harrison’s
Meadow threatens to leave the cult
Oz discovers the tape of Ally and Winter, and Ivy leaves Ally
Meadow goes “missing”
Bob tries to fire Beverly
The cult murders Bob
Kai’s polling numbers improve
Ally finds Meadow in a shallow grave and tells Ivy that Harrison is trying to kill Meadow
Meadow briefly escapes and tells Ally about the cult, including that Ivy is a member
The cult murders R.J.
Kai reveals his story to Beverly
Ally rescues Meadow and learns the truth about the cult
The cult murders Sally Keffler
Meadow shoots Kai and several other people at a political rally before killing herself
Kai is taken to the hospital for his leg wound
Ally is arrested for the mass shooting
Kai wins a seat on city council and amasses a following of young men
Beverly meets Bebe Babbitt and has her share her story about Valerie Solanas with the other women
Beverly, Winter, and Ivy kill Harrison

Three Weeks After the Election:

Dr. Vincent tells Ally he is going to get Kai committed
Ally reveals this to Kai
Plan Messiah Baby fails
Winter kills Detective Samuels
Kai kills Dr. Vincent
Kia has Beverly put into isolation
Ally joins the cult
Kai announces his intention to run for the Senate
Ally kills Ivy

American Horror Story: Cult airs Tuesdays at 9/10 p.m. on FX.

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