Well, happy whatever the hell day it is today, who even knows anymore.
So, as you might have heard, my long-time boyfriend Donald Trump came to visit my fair city this weekend to hug some babies, shove some relief supplies into the cab of a truck while telling the people who were in need of hurricane relief to “have a good time,” sign the hurricane shelter wall for some reason, and try to appear caring and Presidential. And I wasn’t going to attack him for it, because though on my personal social media sites I have made many shrieky political points in connection with this hurricane*, I wanted to try to give this asshole the benefit of the doubt. And, honestly, also because I’m exhausted. I do not have the energy to hate anyone right now.
So, when Donny Trash said the following to the media, I let it go:
“Really, I think people appreciate what’s been done. It’s been done very efficiently, very well and that’s what we want. We’re happy with the way everything’s going. A lot of love, a lot of love.”
(“What did the family tell you earlier?”)
“They were just happy. A lot of happiness. It’s been really nice, it’s been a wonderful thing. As tough as this was, it’s been a wonderful thing I think even for the country to watch and for the world to watch. It’s been beautiful. HAVE A GOOD TIME EVERYBODY!”
OK. Look. First of all, no one in a hurricane shelter is “happy.” Harvey was under no circumstances “nice,” much less, “a wonderful thing,” or “beautiful.” And NO ONE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME.
But I was willing to let this ride, because I sorta got what he was trying — and failing miserably — to say: that the family in the shelter was happy to be safe and dry; that the coming together of so many Texans to help their neighbors was “nice” “wonderful” and “beautiful”; and as for having a “good time” … I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t know how to say, “thank you and stay safe?” Beats me.
But I — your angry shouty feminazi TV-blogger who never lets an opportunity to lose her shit about Donald Trump — was going to let this one — this one ignorant tone-deaf thing, Donald Trump said ABOUT HER OWN CITY — go because sometimes we get too caught up in the words and not the intention behind them, you know? Also: tired. I’m so fucking tired, y’all.
And then this happened:
Oh, you stupid motherfucker. You ignorant fool. You dumb malignant asswart.
First of all, the media aren’t fucking first responders. Literally, their job isn’t to go into dangerous winds and save people.
BUT SECOND OF ALL, YES THEY DID AND YES THEY DID.
A lot of attention and praise has been given to the local men and women who went out and rescued their neighbors and strangers during the crisis — I happen to know a few of them, and they will be my heroes for the rest of my days. And a lot of love has been deservedly given to our Coast Guard, National Guard, local fire and police men and women who have saved countless lives in this disaster.
But any Houstonian can tell you that the media were more than heroic in these efforts, too, braving the floodwaters to come into work and reporting around the clock for days on end to give us forecasts and information — information that undoubtedly saved lives; they relayed rescue pleas to those men and women out in boats and first responders looking for people who needed help; and in not an isolated incident, they literally pulled people out of the floodwaters themselves, even while their own homes and workplaces were lost to tornadoes and floods.
The media — both our local and national media, including the FAKENEWS! CNN — repeatedly went into winds and floodwaters, risking their lives and rescued actual real-life people, while also telling those real-life people’s stories to the rest of the world so that they would know what happened in Rockport and Corpus Christi and Katy and Houston and Sugar Land and Port Arthur and Beaumont and Lumberton and Victoria and all of the numerous cities and towns in between that have been devestated or lost in this nightmare.
SO DO NOT COME INTO MY HOME AND SHIT ON MY CARPET IN AN ATTEMPT TO INGRATIATE YOURSELF TO SOME MILITARY GUYS, YOU REPUGNANT ORANGE OLD CANKER.
Jesus fucking Christ, when are we going to impeach this asshole already?
Hey! Here are some Amazon wish lists from groups in the area that need help. Check one out and maybe buy a packet of diapers or a scrub brush for someone who needs one!
- Humane Society
- Astros Wives & Girlfriends for the Houston Food Bank
- Texas Diaper Bank Relief
- YES Prep
- Briargrove Park Group
- Houston Underwear Society
- Spring Branch classroom
And let me know if your group or organization has a wish list, I’m happy to pass them along.
Three TV-related things on this holiday:
- Apparently, Peter is not quite out of the running to be the next Bachelor which is some bulllllllllshit. Also, Mike Fleiss worked people up with a vague tweet that suggested there is some cancellation talk. I seriously doubt it, but in other news is there a name for vague tweeting, like vaguebooking?
- Clowns are REALLY MAD about American Horror Story: Cult.
- George R.R. Martin is so fucking slow with his books that robots have taken over writing them. One thing I do not anticipate in the final season, or from the robot authors: the revelation that the White Walkers are actually the “good guys.” Also not a good guy? Littlefinger and Sophie Turner will call you out on that nonsense. Y’all, stop it with these dumb theories, you guys. Just, stop.
- Killjoys has been renewed for two final seasons by Syfy.
- After three seasons, Dark Matter has been canceled by Syfy.
- Lisa Rinna will be returning to Days of Our Lives after 5 years.
- American Idol is reportedly offering Luke Bryan a judge spot.
- Courtney Ford is joining Legends of Tomorrow.
Bachelor in Paradise: The rose ceremony has a SHOCKING! conclusion. OK. 7 p.m., ABC
The Real Housewives of Dallas: The ladies fight about manners. 9 p.m., Bravo
Biggie: The Life of Notorious B.I.G.: A look back at the life of our greatest rapper. Yeah, I said it. 7 p.m., A&E
Toy Story marathon: In case this past week didn’t give you enough reasons to have a good cry 8 a.m, Disney XD
CBS Fall Preview: Sure. 7:30 p.m.
|ABC||Bachelor in Paradise
|To Tell the Truth
|CBS||The Big Bang Theory
|CBS Fall Preview
|Life in Pieces
|Hooten and the Lady
|FOX||So You Think You Can Dance
|NBC||American Ninja Warrior
*If you were interested in my other political hot takes related to this storm that I saved for social media: 1. Ted Cruz is a fucking hypocrite who tried to give the country a reason to ignore us, 2. Donald Trump’s first appearance in Texas was less than presidential seeing as he didn’t bother meeting any victims or even look at any damage, 3. Before this storm hit, the GOP wanted to take nearly a billion dollars away from disaster relief to pay for the fucking wall and 4. The EPA are not on site dealing with our many Superfund sites that are flooding and doing fuck-knows-what to our already catastrophic environment.