The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Hong Kong Fireworks”
March 14, 2017
As this is a travel episode, we have to spend a solid ten minutes watching the ladies pack their suitcases for Hong Kong. And I suppose for some viewers this is Very Important: that the Housewives’ couture and lavish lifestyles are why they watch the series in the first place but for me it is exactly as exciting as packing my own suitcase which I enjoy doing as much as I enjoy doing any mindless chore which is to say YAWN.
We do learn that Dorit is very familiar with Hong Kong as she used to go there every 6 weeks over an 8 year period for her swimwear company. And oh yeah, Dorit used to have a swimwear company.
Anyway, the ladies go to the airport, they board a plane, they fly across the ocean, they sleep, they arrive in Hong Kong.
After the women check into their rooms, they meet in the hotel bar for drinks, and Dorit attempts to compliment Erika’s whole 40’s pajama moll look — and it’s a lot of look — but Erika thinks Dorit is being phony and insincere and she is not interested.
Over drinks, Eden mentions that she is flying her stranger model “boyfriend” from London to New York so as to meet him for the first time, and the women have feelings about this.
A sampling of responses:
The ladies then discuss their plans for the next day: the entire reason they are in Hong Kong in the first place is for Lisa Vanderpump to work on her Vandermentary about the horrific Yulin Dog Eating Festival, and she gets all Vanderklempt just thinking about it, so working on the film should be a great fun time if anyone wants to join her. Instead, most of the ladies are like, “I did not fly 15 hours over the ocean to watch you cry about dog meat, so thanks but no thanks.”
The next morning, Eileen and Dorit visit with Rinna in her room and Eileen announces her intentions to accompany Dorit and Vanderpump to the Vandermentary studios, which comes as something of a surprise to, well, everyone, as Eileen and Vanderpump are still barely on VanderSpeaking terms after the whole affair/apology VanderMess from last season. But Lisa VanderWelcomes Eileen to join her, VanderEager to show her some dog torture porn.
After Eileen leaves to change, Rinna announces that she needs to clear something up with Dorit: Someone told her that before Rinna arrived in Mexico, Dorit told the group about Rinna’s bag of pills and might have insinuated that Rinna has a drug problem, and Rinna wants to make it PERFECTLY CLEAR that her bag of pills it was a joke, she is not addicted to Xanax or Oxy or fish oil supplements, GOT IT?
At first Dorit insists that if she did say something about Rinna’s bag of pills, it was just to mention to the group what a HILARIOUS moment it was. But then the gears start turning in Dorit’s tiny head and she demands to know who, exactly, it was that told Rinna this story in the first place.
Rinna, this genius right here, does some complicated math in her head, and comes to realize that the only people in Mexico with Dorit at the time were Lisa Vanderpump, Kyle and Erika, and of the three of them there is only one person who would share that — or any — information with Rinna. So suddenly her story becomes that, actually, come to think of it, the thing is, what had happened was no one told her that Dorit had said this about her, but instead Rinna just “had a feeling” that Dorit was saying this very specific thing about Rinna at this very specific time and in this very specific place. She has a sixth sense, you know.
Elsewhere, Erika and Kyle go for a long walk in some park. There, they talk about their mommy issues.
Vanderpump, Dorit and Eileen visit the Vandermentary team, watch the trailer for the film, cry and hug.
And Eden and Rinna take a trolley to the highest peak in Hong Kong and admire the view. After, the ladies stop at a restaurant for some tea, where Rinna tells Eden about her conversation with Dorit, and how she just has this “sixth sense” that Dorit is telling people she’s a pill popper. Eden is like, “You know, come to think of it, Dorit said something similar to me the other day when we were discussing you ‘forgetting’ what you had said about Kim,” and Theresa Caputo here is all, “I KNEW IT BECAUSE I AM PSYCHIC.”
The ladies then return to the hotel to prepare for that evening’s dinner on a junk boat. For Dorit that means putting on her fanciest dominatrix outfit and for Eden that means putting on a pair of formal shorts and her fanciest boat wig.
So the ladies pile onto the boat where Lisa Vanderpump dangerously encourages the women to give “voice to anything,” and Dorit takes her up on the offer. “Rinna told me that someone told her that when we were in Mexico, I said she was a drug addict and I’d like to know who share that with her.”
Rinnadamus continues to claim that no one told her, she just had a “sixth sense” about it, but Dorit is not having her bullshit, and reminds her that she first said that someone told her before developing these psychic powers. So which is it, Miss Cleo? Did someone tell her or did she just pick up on an astral vibration?
Eden pipes in to say that just a few weeks ago Dorit did ask her if she thought Rinna had a drug problem (which, technically, is not what happened: Dorit asked Eden if she thought Rinna’s supposed amnesia regarding what she said about Kim was “induced,” if you want to be specific), which Dorit contests. The two women go back and forth on this point, nothing is accomplished.
Rinna insists that she just wants Dorit to be honest about the things she said in Mexico, at which point Erika chimes in that Dorit did mention Rinna’s Xanax smoothies at dinner one night, and that the implication was that they might have influenced Rinna’s behavior. Dorit protests that Erika is putting words in her mouth, to which Erika explains that the conversation was about Rinna’s behavior so why would Dorit bring up the pills if her implication wasn’t that Rinna had a problem?
At one point Dorit interrupts Erika, but Erika cuts her off, demanding to be allowed to finish her thought, adding that Dorit talks a lot, to which Dorit snaps that Erika doesn’t talk enough. “I SAY IMPORTANT SHIT. YOU SAY TOO MUCH BORING SHIT,” is Erika’s response, before demanding to know what Dorit’s issue is with her. Dorit whines that Erika is the only person she hasn’t been able to connect with in the group, to which Queen Erika replies, “That’s because I don’t like bullshit, Dorit, and that’s what I think you are.”
Meanwhile, this is still happening:
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo on Tuesdays at 8/9 p.m. and needs to find her boat wig.