‘Bachelor in Paradise’: For love or money

by Therese Odell, posted in bachelor in paradise: season 10

Bachelor in Paradise
September 2, 2025

Oh, we’ve changed the theme one last time, this time featuring the different couples fully making out? Neat. Definitely needed to see all that. Everybody certainly wanted this.

1 Hour to Ceremony

Last we left these yahoos, they had learned that Llama Drama and Accent Guy were safe, that this would be their last rose ceremony, and two couples were headed home.

The couples had split up into factions: Llama Drama and Accent Guy with Overcompensating and Selfie; while Golden Retriever and Starla sided with The One and Julia Roberts. This left the Goldens in the position of deciding who would be joining them on the way out, because we all know, they’re going home, finally.

To this end, Clark Griswold and Regina George sit down with the youngins to try to determine who is the most deserving of a $500,000 prize. They were initially leaning towards Llama Drama because she is six-figures deep in student loan debt, but now that she and Accent Guy are safe, they listen to the other couples’ sob stories. And Julia Roberts milks it for all it’s worth, talking about growing up very very poor. This, apparently, is news to The One, despite it being a big part of her narrative on previous shows, which suggests to me they are not nearly as close as they claim. Because why did I already know about her childhood and being sent to a group home, but the man she’s been climbing all over for the past three weeks is just now finding out?

Later, The One approaches Overcompensating, and is like: “I’m voting you and Selfie out, no hard feelings.”

Overcompensating: “OH, I HAVE VERY HARD FEELINGS.”

And then they try to manufacture some drama by being like, “WELL MAYBE CLARK GRISWOLD AND REGINA GEORGE COULD VOTE TO SAVE OVERCOMPENSATING AND SELFIE…” but we all know what’s about to happen.

Line up, los tontos:

Llama Drama: Accent Guy
Starla: Golden Retriever
Julia Roberts: The One

Which means we must say adios to Regina George and Clark Griswold; and the absolute worst couple to last so long, Overcompensating and Selfie.

Bye.

Day 20 of Paradise

The next morning, Jesse Palmer arrives and instructs everyone to put their bathing suits on and meet him at the pool for their next relationship test. The couples deduce this will be some sort of physical challenge, and as they get ready, The One and Julia Roberts are like: “WE ARE TOTALLY WINNING THIS BECAUSE WE ARE THE STRONGEST AND MOST RIPPED AND DO THE MOST PILATES AND HAVE THE MOST NFL EXPERIENCE RAAAAAARRRRHHHH.”

The couples arrive at the pool, where they are met by Jesse Palmer and a couple of dudes standing on platforms placed over the water. The platforms are at an angle and the men are holding onto cords that are attached to weights. The idea is that each couple will stand on said platforms and be tethered to weights that correspond to their combined body weight. If it becomes too heavy for one partner, the other partner can take on the burden of the entire weight. But if the weight becomes too heavy for both of them, or the weight droops too close to the ground, the harnesses will snap, they’ll fall into the pool, and they will be eliminated. The last couple standing will move into the final round and have the opportunity to leave Paradise with $500,000.

That’s a lot of words to basically say, “they have to hold a bunch of weight until they can’t; last couple standing wins.”

Each couple begins holding only 15% of their combined weight, and everyone is like, “This is so easy, I can do this all day!” Ten minutes later, when they add another 5% of the weight, it becomes a different story. Legs start shaking, and there is grimacing, it’s clearly becoming more difficult.

That said, despite all his lifting, bro, and all her Pilates, The One and Julia Roberts are out after 30 minutes and 30% of their combined weight.

And at the 43-minute mark, to everyone’s surprise, perhaps, Golden Retriever and Starla fall into the pool, leaving Llama Drama and Accent Guy the winners. Those student loans can be VERY motivating.

After the competition, the couples regroup: Accent Guy and Llama Drama celebrate; The One and Julia Roberts are SHOCKED they not just lost but lost first; Golden Retriever tells Starla he’s not merely falling in love with her, he’s all the way there.

And then, Golden Retriever does a little ring shopping with Neil Lane Jesse Palmer. WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE? WHERE IS NEIL LANE? ARE THEY ALLOWED TO LOOK AT RINGS WITHOUT NEIL LANE? IS NEIL LANE OK?

That evening, the three remaining couples are enjoying themselves at the bar when Jesse Palmer arrives to ruin the mood with some “unexpected guests.” And that’s when all the eliminated couples, going all the way back to Prince Groupie and Party Gary, arrive, to the final three couples’ horror/delight.

And I need to talk about this idiot for just one second:

Take off the sunglasses, you dork, you are not the villainous badass here for vengeance that you clearly think you are.

Because that belongs to the guy behind you.

BUT I AM GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

Jesse Palmer explains that Llama Drama and Accent Guy are in the running for $500,000, but that the other two couples will be judged by their eliminated peers, the “Parliament of Paradise,” if you will, and I will not.

The eliminated contestants will have three choices: they can choose one of the two remaining couples to go to the final with Llama Drama and Accent Guy, or they can choose none of the above. If they choose another couple to go to the final, each couple will only be eligible to compete for $250,000. If they choose neither couple, Llama Drama and Accent Guy will go into the final with the opportunity to win the entire $500,000.

So everyone is hanging out and catching up and having drinks and Llama Drama is talking about her student loans and Golden Retriever is telling everyone how much he loves Starla, and it’s generally a good vibe.

So Big Check and Christina Aguilera decide that’s enough of that, thanks. They literally clink a glass and demand everyone’s attention. Once they have it, Big Check explains that he wants to make sure everyone has all the information on the couples before the finale. He explains that after he was sent home, he made some phone calls, because even though Julia Roberts denied they were friends, he was friends with her ex-boyfriend, and he had some interesting things to say.

Big Check then goes on to accuse Julia Roberts of sneaking a laptop into Paradise, and using it to send this ex-boyfriend love letters, and explaining that she was only on the show for her “career.” He adds that he has the receipts to prove it.

The One stands up for Julia Roberts, insisting that he doesn’t care about anything that happened in the previous season of Paradise, but Big Check is like, “No no, this is all happened here in Costa Rica.”

Julia Roberts doesn’t exactly deny any of this, but instead runs off in tears with The One following. She’s screaming that she wants to go home, and she’s not going to “do this on camera.” The One just wants to know what part of this is real, and she explains that she hadn’t exactly cut off her relationship with her ex because she didn’t expect to find someone in Paradise.

And apparently, this is good enough for The One, because he goes back to the group with a letter that Julia Roberts wrote to him, and attempts to defend her honor.

Meanwhile, the eliminated contestants are not sure what to do with any of this, but the consensus seems to be that Big Check and Christina Aguilera are the real villains here.

Christina Aguilera seems to realize the sentiment has turned against them, and wonders if they handled the situation the best way possible.

But Big Check, this turnip, he assures her they did.

Jesse Palmer returns and tells everyone it’s time to vote, not that we’ll be privy to any of their votes, but for two: Big Check for Golden Retriever and Starla; and Overcompensating’s for NONE OF THE ABOVE. Boy, you sure got them, Corey Hart!

Final Day in Paradise

After what has felt like a year, we are at our final day of Paradise. That morning, we are privvy to some boring relationship blah blah blah before Jesse Palmer arrives to let them know what the “Parliament of Paradise’s” decision was the night before: there will be another couple competing for the prize money, and that couple is  ….

Golden Retriever and Starla, because uh duh, everyone loves them.

Which means, adios, The One and Julia Roberts. Y’all were agotadora. Bueno suerte on your “relationship” going forward. 

Once they leave, Jesse Palmer announces these final two couples are about to face their final challenge — a big decision — and that they will each be separated from their partner.

At some later point, Jesse Palmer meets each contestant at a table on the beach, on top of which is a bag filled with money. He then explains to each of them that the money isn’t a prize, it’s a test: money or love.

They can choose love and head to the BIP VIP Suite and wait for their partner to arrive. If their partner also chooses love, they get to live happily ever after together. HOWEVER, they also walk away from guaranteed cash.

Orrrrrr … they could choose the money and walk away with $250,000 all for themselves …

Unlesssssss … their partner also chooses the money, in which case, everyone goes home empty-handed and broken-hearted.

Look. We all know how this is going to go, especially since Overcompensating has already been sent home.

Accent Guy is the first to choose love and wait in the BIP VIP Suite, and he’s legitimately worried that Llama Drama will choose the money. In fact, he believes she should choose the money: she has all that student debt, after all.

But obviously, obviously, Llama Drama chooses “love” and meets him in the BIP VIP Suite, where he, bless this man, begins to cry, he’s so shocked she chose him. It is genuinely very sweet, and how dare this show make me feel anything.

But the game isn’t over for them, as Jesse Palmer shows up and is like, PSYCHE! You’re not going home empty-handed! He then presents them with the choice of three envelopes, each of which contains different “large” amount of money, including the full $250,000. They pick an envelope and take home $125,000.

Now. Had they been paying the slightest bit of attention, they could have guessed that this was going to be the final challenge, conspired for one of them to take the money and reunite once the show was over. Or maybe I’m just a sociopath.

Oh, it’s not just me?

But also, now that we’ve seen this, they can never use this “money or love” choice in a finale again, because everyone will just conspire ahead of time. So I guess that’s a plus?

And then it’s Golden Retriever and Starla’s turn. Golden Retriever obviously heads to the BIP VIP Suite, and Starla obviously joins him there. They take home $190,000 AND an engagement. Yay, for the happy couples, I am being sincere for once. DON’T GET USED TO IT.

As for the final four couples after Paradise:

Overcompensating and Selfie have met each other’s families and are planning to call the same city home.

I think I speak for all of us when I say, “Gag.”

The One and Julia Roberts are “moving closer to each other,” so I’m sure that’s going to work out.

Accent Guy and Llama Drama used the money to pay off her student loans (ohmygod find an Accent Guy, ladies), and she’s planning to move to Chicago. GUYS. SHE HAS CANADIAN CITIZENSHIP. HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE, BECAUSE YOU SHOULD MOVE UP THERE, FRIENDS.

And Golden Retriever and Starla’s families have accepted them with open arms and Starla will be moving to Dallas.

Congratulations to the happy couples and let’s agree to never do this again.

Bachelor in Paradise airs streams on Hulu. (But you should probably cancel your account until they bring Jimmy Kimmel back, tbh.)

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