‘The Bachelorette’: Pull out the red flags and let’s pre-judge the men who will date Jenn this season

The Bachelorette

ABC had a problem.

The last season of The Bachelor was a huge success. Joey Graziadei — a contestant that the fans actually liked and asked for — proved to be a sweet, empathetic lead whose season was relatively (I SAID RELATIVELY) free of drama. His finale, in which his runner-up, Daisy, took herself out of contention before he could break up with her, made for an empowering happy ending.

However. When it came time to pick a new Bachelorette, Daisy, the obvious choice, declined the opportunity, out of concern for her health.

But that was fine, because ABC had another obvious Bachelorette: Maria, a funny, sassy fan-favorite from Canada who was the target of bullying from the other women but managed to stand up for herself and stay strong.

Except … Maria didn’t want the job, either, telling people that she wasn’t mentally ready for it.

With their two top choices no longer in the running, ABC turned to a woman who was eliminated in week 7: Jenn Tran. Jenn is a historic choice: she’s the first Asian lead of any Bachelor series which makes for a good PR story for a franchise that has long struggled with diversity issues.

But she’s not just a diversity hire: Jenn is gorgeous and she’s charming, she’s going to make a lovely Bachelorette. The problem is, we just don’t know her very well. Jenn was not one of the final three — she wasn’t even in the final four. We haven’t met her parents or friends, we don’t know much about her hopes and ambitions; hell, she’s only been on one one-on-one date. ABC hasn’t bothered to draft her story to explain why we should care about her “journey” to find love.

And then there is a darker question that I’m struggling with: because Jenn was such an unexpected choice, because ABC picked her at the last possible moment, it’s possible that the men that I’m going to introduce you to below might have applied to the show believing that the Bachelorette was going to be someone else entirely (namely Maria or Daisy). I hope not. I hope all of these men were completely open to whomever the Bachelorette was going to be, and that some of them specifically applied with the hopes that it would be Jenn. And I have confidence that once these men meet her, they’ll be excited that Jenn is the Bachelorette: again, she’s gorgeous and charming, and these men are lucky to have a chance to date her.

But you can’t tell me that the Canadian with the big Italian family didn’t sign onto this show believing that Maria was going to be the Bachelorette. Come on.

ANYWAY. I’m once again applying my completely fool-proof and scientifically-proven Red Flag Scale to Jenn’s contenders based purely on their bios provided below. Out of fairness to these gentlemen, I’ve also included links to each of their Instagram profiles, as the pictures that they curate of themselves are MUCH BETTER than what you will find below. I genuinely don’t know why the ABC promotions department insists on doing these men so dirty.

And now please meet the men who will be dating Jenn on The Bachelorette this season:

Aaron

29
Aerospace Engineer
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Instagram: @erbyderby

Aaron is an aerospace engineer who is ready to love someone to the moon and back. If he looks familiar, it might be because his twin brother, Noah, famously found love on “Bachelor in Paradise.” Aaron and Noah are extremely close and even more competitive. They come from a big family of 11 kids. Aaron is a romantic who is excited about the opportunity to find true love with Jenn and can’t wait to meet our leading lady. When Aaron isn’t working hard building satellites to send into space, he loves spending time on the lake, playing volleyball, and perfecting his golf game. This engineer says he’s emotionally available and is ready to meet the girl of his dreams. We can’t wait to see if he and Jenn find a love that’s out of this world.

Fun Facts:

• Aaron’s most embarrassing haircut was rocking a middle part.
• Aaron is a force of nature on the pickleball court.
• Aaron is officially seven minutes older than Noah.

Quick refresher: Aaron’s twin (!) brother, Noah, he was the traveling nurse who first appeared on Tayisha/Claire’s season of The Bachelorette, the one with the “porn stache”? This guy:

And then he went on Bachelor in Paradise, where he struck up a relationship with Abigail Heringer from Matt James’ season of The Bachelor, only to shockingly dump her with only five minutes left in the season. Everyone was REAL MAD at him for being a big jerk, but I have An Exciting Update: Noah and Abigail not only got back together in real life, they’re now engaged.

However, they won’t be getting married on Bachelor in Paradise this summer because the beach is permanently (?) closed. Rumors are the hotel where they filmed Paradise has been sold to another group who doesn’t actually want to shut the entire place down for a month to allow a carousel of sweaty American reality stars lounge around on their beach beds, contaminate their hot tub, and throw cakes into their sand, and if the show is to continue, they’ll need to find a new location. But with Golden Bachelor/Bachelorette filling a Bachelor Universe hole in the schedule, there’s no rush to return to the beach.

Wait, I was supposed to be rating this guy on a red flag scale, wasn’t I? So, Noah, I have to admit, seemed like a really nice guy on both The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise, even despite the whole brutal unexpected dumping situation. And I know that just because your twin is a nice guy is no guarantee that you’ll be a nice guy, but it’s more likely that you’ll be a nice guy if your twin is a nice guy than if he’s a garbage person, right? Also, Aaron’s an engineer, so he’s not dumb. 

The only thing I have against the guy based on this bio is that he is one of 11 (ELEVEN) kids, which is Way Too Many Kids, and I’d be worried what his family would be expecting from me and my womb. NOT ELEVEN KIDS, I’LL TELL YA.

Red Flag Count: 0

Austin

28
Sales Executive
San Diego, California

Instagram: @austinotterpop

Austin is a California boy who loves the beach, sushi, and the idea of finding someone to share them both with for the rest of his life. He just needs to find a woman who will appreciate and accept his mullet. The sales exec is looking for an honest, loving, fun woman with whom to start a family. While he’s passionate about his career in sales, Austin is constantly thinking ahead, saying, “Everything that I do is for my future. I can’t wait to give my future wife and kids the life they deserve.” When Austin isn’t working, he loves playing baseball, attending Padres baseball games, and calling his mom. Austin is just as sweet as he is handsome, and we are excited to see if sparks fly when he meets our Bachelorette.

Fun Facts:

• Austin would love to be Justin Bieber … just for a day.
• Austin doesn’t go anywhere without his retainers.
• Austin is extremely terrified of snakes.

Austin loves baseball, so:

Strike one: Mullet.

Strike two: Momma’s Boy

Strike three: JUSTIN BIEBER????

Red Flag Count: 🚩

Brendan

30
Real Estate Broker
Vancouver, British Columbia

Instagram: @brendanbarnum

Brendan is an adventure-seeking Canadian who won’t apologize for fighting for love. The commercial real estate broker seems to have it all with a successful career, great friends and loving family, but one major piece is missing — his wife. Brendan has had multiple long-term relationships but has been unlucky in love. His last girlfriend left him for his best friend, and since then, he says dating apps just don’t work for him. Brendan much prefers life with a partner by his side. While he might be shy at first, he’s extremely kind, loyal and empathetic once you get to know him. He loves a spontaneous excursion and is hoping Jenn is ready to jump headfirst with him into the adventure of a lifetime.

Fun Facts:

• Brendan is obsessed with skydiving.
• Brendan always picks dare over truth.
• Brendan may or may not have successfully snuck into Coachella …

First: I do not like a daredevil. Daredevils are not husband material, full stop.

And listen. I know this next part is going to sound like I’m impossible to please — on the one hand, you want mature contestants who have been in relationships before, someone serious who is prepared to get married and understands what adult relationships require to flourish.

On the other hand, when you’ve had multiple long-term relationships that didn’t work out AND your most recent long-time girlfriend betrayed you with your best friend, maybe you need to start asking yourself if you’re the one that’s not great with relationships.

Red Flag Count: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Brett

28
Health & Safety Manager
Manheim, Pennsylvania

Instagram: @brett_harris57

This small-town boy has big dreams when it comes to finding love. Brett has great energy, strong confidence and a lot of personality to go around. Though Brett loves to be the life of the party and won’t turn down anyone who challenges him to a dance-off, underneath his outgoing exterior is an authentic man with a sensitive soul who’s ready to find “the one.” Brett’s parents have been married for over 30 years, and he wants to find a love that can stand the test of time like theirs has. He is looking for a woman who he can connect with on a deep level emotionally and who also has a good sense of humor. Brett can’t wait to meet Jenn and see if she’s the woman he’s been looking for!

Fun Facts:

• Brett can do the splits and will do them on command.
• Brett has never left the United States but hopes to one day!
• As a kid, Brett accidentally shaved off his own eyebrows right before picture day.

I love Brett (and he’s going to hate this as a Steelers fan): he’s giving off big Jason Kelce energy. AND HE CAN DO THE SPLITS? This man is going to be an amazing girl dad one day, he is just radiating it.

Red Flag Count: 💚💚💚

Brian

33
Aesthetics Consultant
Boynton Beach, Florida

Instagram: @brian.autz

Brian has both humor and heart. He packed up his big personality and Long Island accent, and moved to Florida to chase his dreams and enjoy the hot weather. He can’t wait to meet the Bachelorette and says, “I hope to meet the woman of my dreams, my partner in crime, my queen.” He’s looking for a strong and confident woman with whom he can plant roots. When the aesthetics consultant isn’t helping people feel like their most beautiful selves, he loves spending time with his family, specifically his nieces and nephews. His parents served in the NYPD and FDNY. Brian is pumped for the chance to fall in love again and can’t wait for his “Bachelorette” journey to begin.

Fun Facts:

• Brian loves Botox and doesn’t care who knows it!
• Brian is terrified of sharks but wants to go scuba diving with them.
• Brian is a big fan of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift’s relationship: confirmed Swiftie.

I’ve made my feelings known about terms like “big personality” — they are literally a red flag in and of themselves.

But BOTOX, TOO? Obviously, obviously, there’s nothing wrong with using Botox or being an aesthetics consultant … but as a woman who barely knows how to apply mascara, being involved with someone who has such a firm and fixed beauty standard would be my worst nightmare. But I guess someone has to sell the idea to women that their natural beauty isn’t enough, right?

Red Flag Count: 🚩🚩

Dakota

27
Sommelier
Paradise Valley, Arizona

Instagram: @kotablue

Will you accept this rosé?! Dakota the certified sommelier is ready to sweep Jenn off her feet with his good looks, goofy personality and eternal optimism. Dakota has been a caretaker of others for a lot of his life and is hoping to start a relationship where they can be there for each other. He is wise beyond his years and is very proud of his career as a sommelier. Dakota promises he’s here for the right reasons saying, “I truly believe the Bachelorette came at a divine time with where I’m at in my life, and Jenn is the kind of woman I hope to meet.” He hopes to take her to his hometown where he can show her around all the gorgeous vineyards and toast to their future together. Will Jenn be the perfect pairing this sommelier has been looking for?

Fun Facts:

• Dakota spontaneously drove to Mexico at 3 a.m. with just the clothes on his back.
• Dakota has dreams of becoming one of the very few elite master sommeliers.
• Has a tattoo on his rib that is a quote saying, “The biggest thing in today’s sorrow is the memory of yesterday’s joy.”

Finally, the man who can get me through this season. I suspect he wouldn’t approve of my box wine, but I’d be happy to take his suggestions.

Red Flag Count: 🍷🍷🍷🍷

Devin

28
Freight Company Owner
Houston, Texas

Instagram: @devin.strader

Devin is the full package and is so ready to meet his match. This business owner is 100% husband material and dreams of surprising his partner with romantic gestures throughout their relationship. Devin is extremely hardworking, passionate about his career, and proud of the business he’s built. When he’s not working, he loves running and spending time with his dog, Charlie — these two are a package deal. Devin is hoping his future wife is honest, kind, and embraces his big personality. He admits he’s a bit loud and loves to talk. Devin is truly here to find his person and hopefully return home with Jenn by his side.

Fun Facts:

• Devin ran a 200-mile relay race with his buddies.
• Devin loves eating shrimp tacos despite being allergic to shrimp.
• Devin’s mom is his hero.

Devin seems like a very nice guy, albeit with self-control issues.

Red Flag Count: 0 — just avoid restaurants that serve shrimp, Devin.

Dylan

24
Medical Student
Elk Grove, California

Instagram: @dylanbuckor

Dylan might be young, but he knows exactly what he wants in life and is very serious about finding a wife with whom to settle down. His parents are still together and have provided him with the example of love he hopes to find in life. Dylan is looking for a partner with similar morals to his, who wants a family, and with whom he feels instant chemistry. The medical student is smart and empathetic, and plans on becoming a doctor one day. When he isn’t working toward his goals, Dylan loves listening to Drake and attending Sacramento Kings games. Despite not having luck in the love department yet, Dylan says he’s the kind of guy to bring home to parents. Will Jenn be bringing Dylan home to meet her family? Only time will tell!

Fun Facts:

• Dylan is a big fan of wine-and-painting date nights.
• Dylan hates avocados.
• Dylan has never stepped foot in a Trader Joe’s.

He’s a Drake fan?! In this middle of THIS BEEF? He filled this application out before this spring, right?

Red Flag Count: 🚩

Grant

30
Day Trader
Houston, Texas

Instagram: @grantellis__

It’s easy to see what makes Grant such a catch. His smile lights up every room he walks into and is followed by his positive attitude. Grant is a mama’s boy who loves poetry and reading, and says he’s here to find the love of his life. The former pro basketball player is passionate about his new career as a day trader and hopes to be able to provide for his future family. When Grant isn’t hustling at his job, he loves watching the Lakers, going bowling, and singing his heart out at karaoke. After his last long-term relationship didn’t work out, Grant is excited for the chance to fall in love again and can’t wait for his “Bachelorette” journey to begin.

Fun Facts:

• Grant plans to visit every country in his lifetime.
• Grant is an avid salsa dancer.
• Grant wishes he could live in the year 3000 to see what technology is like.

He lives in Houston and isn’t a Rockets fan?

Red Flag Count: 🚩

Hakeem

29
Medical Device Salesman
Schaumberg, Illinois

Instagram: @hakeem.moulton

Hakeem is an energetic guy with a big personality. He is ready to find someone to bring home to meet his big Jamaican family and introduce his favorite parts of his culture, like Jamaican food. Hakeem is funny, outgoing and honest, and loves planning cheesy romantic dates for his partner. He worked hard to get his master’s degree at Northwestern University, and when he’s not hard at work, he loves listening to reggae music and rewatching “The Lion King.” While Hakeem has spent most of his life in Chicago, he hopes to move somewhere warm someday to settle down and start a family of his own. Could Jenn be the perfect match for him?

Fun Facts:

• Hakeem can fully clap with just one hand.
• Hakeem takes finding love so seriously that he spent over $5,000 on a dating coach.
• Hakeem has gone on a picnic date in a cemetery — but he promises not to ghost!

I’m all over the place with Hakeem.

Pro: GIVE ME ALL THE JAMAICAN FOOD.

Pro: Northwestern = smarty pants.

Con: Spending $5,000 on a dating coach? Hakeem! Sir! I could have told you, “Ask her questions about herself and really listen,” and I would have only charged you $2500!

Red Flag Count: 0

Jahaan

28
Startup Founder
New York, New York

Instagram: @jah_aan

Jahaan is an extremely smart, successful guy who founded his own company and has prioritized his career throughout his 20s. Now that this Forbes 30 Under 30 bachelor has built his empire, he is truly ready to meet a woman with whom to share it all. The NYC local will do anything for the people he loves and finds great joy in making people feel cared for and understood. Jahaan is very close with his family and wants to start a family of his own someday with the woman of his dreams. He hopes his future wife is outgoing, ambitious and creative. Sounds like he’s come to the right place!

Fun Facts:

• If you challenge Jahaan to a game of chess, you’ll most likely lose.
• Jahaan is out of commission if he gets hangry.
• Learning to fly a plane is on Jahaan’s bucket list.

Jahaan appears to be awfully impressed with himself, but! also might have anger issues. What a catch!

Red Flag Count: 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Jeremy

29
Real Estate Investor
New York, New York

Instagram: @j____way

Jeremy is a spontaneous, loyal and generous guy who is here to find his forever love. He has had long-term relationships in the past but has been unlucky in love ever since. When Jeremy loves, he loves hard and enjoys coming up with creative ideas for special date nights. When he isn’t working as a real estate investor, he loves staying active, traveling the world, and spending time with his family. He is looking for a lasting relationship where he and his partner can have great communication and share a good sense of humor. Jeremy says his love language is physical touch, and he’s hoping his future wife is ready for all the cuddles and kisses.

Fun Facts:

• Jeremy wants to live abroad someday.
• Jeremy is happiest when he gets a full eight hours of sleep.
• Jeremy’s ideal meet-the-family date would be inviting a girl over for Passover seder.

I’ve got nothing to say about Jeremy here, except being happy with eight hours of sleep? Me too, buddy. Me too.

Red Flag Count: 0

John M.

25
Medical Student
Delray Beach, Florida

Instagram: @john85mitchell

John is a smart, athletic stud with a heart of gold. He is fulfilling his life dream of becoming a doctor and is excited to see if he and Jenn have chemistry. John is hoping his future wife is compassionate, honest and ambitious. He also hopes to have a big family someday, just like the family he grew up in. While the future doctor takes his work very seriously, he’s always up for a good time, whether that’s hosting a game night, going to the movies, or playing some basketball. John says he “lives a life of gratitude” and is truly thankful for this experience to get to meet Jenn. He’s totally a relationship guy, so let’s see if Jenn is the long-term love he’s been dreaming of!

Fun Facts:

• John is literally obsessed with all things Christmas.
• One time John stayed awake for 36-plus hours playing Ping-Pong.
• John is learning Spanish on Duolingo.

I don’t know, John seems like a nice smart kid. Maybe he shouldn’t be so obsessive about ping-pong, but otherwise, no notes.

Red Flag Count: 💚

Jonathan J.

27
Creative Director
Los Angeles, California

Instagram: @jiggity.jon

Jonathon is really something special. With his gorgeous smile, his entrepreneurial spirit, and a loyal heart, he has it all. Jonathon is just missing his partner by his side and is ready to meet the woman of his dreams. He’s a self-proclaimed romantic who says, “I treat every girl the same way I would want to see my mother and sister treated.” Jonathon is well traveled, spontaneous and excited about the possibility of traveling the world with Jenn. When the creative director isn’t working, he loves listening to Post Malone, checking out local escape rooms, and playing lacrosse with his friends. Jonathon is here to find his perfect match and hopefully return home with Jenn by his side.

Fun Facts:

• Jonathon calls himself a “medium king.”
• Jonathon wants to move to Hawaii for a year.
• Jonathon would love to have lunch with Neil deGrasse Tyson to pick his brain.

Ok, but why only a year, Jonathan? Do you turn into a pumpkin if you stay off the mainland for a year and a day? Besides that little quirk, I appreciate the self-deprecation and the respect for the women in his life without it becoming a whole “Momma’s Boy” thing.

Red Flag Count: 💚

Kevin

35
Financial Analyst
Denver, Colorado

Instagram: @kevmcdev

This thrill-seeker is ready to find love. Kevin is an adventurous guy who loves living on the edge by going skydiving, bungee jumping and cliff diving. Now, he’s ready to dive headfirst into romance as he looks for his future wife with the Bachelorette. While Kevin loves adventure, he’s also very ready to settle down and even bought a home in which to plant roots. He hopes to build his family with the woman of his dreams in this space. When Kevin isn’t working at his job in finance, he loves being a huge foodie by trying new restaurants and cooking up delicious meals on the barbecue. Will this be the end of Kevin’s search for love? Fingers crossed!

Fun Facts:

• Kevin has been skiing over 200 times.
• Kevin cannot under any circumstance tolerate bugs.
• Kevin used to own his own barbecue restaurant.

Appears to have a bad habit of throwing himself off of things. Again: daredevils are not husband material.

(But also, he should return Will Forte’s face.)

Red Flag Count: 🚩

Marcus

31
Army Ranger Veteran
Raleigh, North Carolina

Instagram: @marcus__edward

Marcus is a real-life superhero. The military veteran and Harvard alum is so excited to meet Jenn and hopes she’s the kind, honest, humble woman for whom he’s been searching. Marcus is a man of humility and wants to start a life with someone who shares his core values. When he isn’t working hard toward his career and his future, Marcus loves going rock climbing with friends and grilling on a Saturday night. Marcus has been in love before and is ready to settle down and start a family with his perfect match. He is looking forward to meeting Jenn and is hoping to find a relationship that will stand the test of time.

Fun Facts:

• Marcus loves binge watching “New Girl.”
• Marcus hopes to be an astronaut one day.
• Marcus’ favorite flower is the edelweiss because it’s a symbol of dedication.

Say “humble” one more time, Harvard Boy.

Red Flag Count: 🚩

Marvin

28
Luxury Event Planner
Santa Monica, California

Instagram: @marvingoodly

Get you a guy who can do it all. Marvin is the CEO of his own company, loves his family, and has a handsome smile to match. He considers himself a romantic and is looking for a wife who has “sugar, spice and everything nice.” Open communication and strong family values are very important to Marvin. He’s hoping to start a family soon and is ready to create a legacy with his future soulmate. Marvin loves the luxurious things in life, like always being “GQ ready,” but is also down to go camping and explore nature. Talk about versatility! Marvin is confident his future wife is out there and is hoping it’s Jenn.

Fun Facts:

• Marvin was born in Cameroon, Africa.
• Marvin speaks French fluently: Accepteras-tu cette rose?
• Marvin dreams of buying a beachside mansion in Malibu.

Marvin has a lovely smile but this line about “love[ing] the luxurious things” and being “GQ ready”? The Not Here for the Right Reasons sirens are going off loudly, y’all.

Red Flag Count: 🚩🚩

Matt

27
Insurance Executive
Atlanta, Georgia

Instagram: @mattarnold74

This southern boy is ready to find love. Matt’s family and friends describe him as genuine, open-minded and loyal. He is passionate about his work in his family’s insurance business and is truly ready to be “wifed-up.” When he’s not working, Matt loves going hiking, making music, and spending time with his beloved dog, Nina. He’s also really into meditation and hopes to find a woman who is all Zen, no drama. Matt’s dream date is exploring a museum with the woman of his dreams and talking about all the different art pieces. His parents are still together and very much in love, so he’s looking for a love story like theirs. Hopefully Matt will go from Zen to Jenn!

Fun Facts:

• Climbing Mount Everest is at the peak of Matt’s bucket list … pun intended.
• Matt really wishes he had the ability to teleport.
• Matt is the only person in his entire family with red hair.

I’m sure Matt is a nice guy, but I do not need someone telling me to be more “zen” — NOT IN THIS POLITICAL ENVIRONMENT, MATTHEW — and especially not from someone who looks like he uses one of those crystal deodorants.

Also, and this is off-book, but Matt has taken down his Instagram page. This could be because Matt is a sensitive soul and doesn’t want to hear the noise from thousands of strangers once the show begins, orrrrrrr … and this is cynical of me, I know, or he does something along the way that will piss the audience off and he’s circumventing the torches and pitchforks stage. I’ve been around this particular block a few too many times to not be suspicious.

Red Flag Count: 🚩

Moze

25
Algebra Teacher
Albany, New York

Instagram: @moze.dangerous

Class is in session! Caleb, aka Moze, is an algebra teacher who’s ready to see if Moze + Jenn = true love. The self-proclaimed certified lover boy is charismatic, charming and serious about settling down. Moze is extremely close to his family and hopes to have a big family of his own someday. He’s been in long-term relationships before, so he knows he’s a great partner and is always willing to grow and improve when it comes to showing up for the person he loves. Moze’s ultimate date would be a trip to the moon, and he isn’t afraid to try freestyle rapping for his lady on a first date. So Jenn, hope your bags are packed for a relationship that’s out of this world!

Fun Facts:

• Moze speaks Spanish fluently.
• Moze played football professionally in the XFL
• Moze can’t date you if you have a pet tarantula.

ANOTHER DRAKE FAN? Oof.

Red Flag Count: 🚩

Ricky

28
Pharmaceutical Representative
Miami, Florida

Instagram: @rickymarinez

A guy like Ricky is every girl’s dream. The former pro baseball player is looking for a deep emotional connection and is tired of the superficial dating scene. He was born and raised in Puerto Rico before moving to Florida with his family, where he lives now. Ricky learned English as a teen by writing poetry and watching rom-com movies. He says he is always working on himself and strives to become a better person every day. Ricky’s ultimate date would be making breakfast together and watching the sunrise at the beach. Eggs and bacon with a handsome guy like Ricky? Sounds like the perfect one-on-one to us!

Fun Facts:

• Ricky’s first language is Spanish and he still speaks it fluently.
• Ricky never celebrates his birthday.
• Ricky’s favorite author is Jodi Picoult and he loves reading her books.

Ricky here sounds like a male character written by a female author.

Red Flag Count: 💚💚

Sam M.

27
Contractor
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Instagram: @sam.mckinney.23

Sam M. brightens every room with his dazzling smile. His tattoos and muscles might look tough on the outside, but Sam M. swears he’s a total softie. He’s always been a relationship guy and says his “ultimate dream” is to be a loving husband and father. Sam M. has been in love before and is extremely loyal when it comes to his partner. Cheating is his No. 1 deal-breaker and is looking for a partner as loyal as he is. When Sam M. isn’t working in contracting, he loves riding motorcycles, golfing, and watching “Sons of Anarchy.” For Sam M., this journey is all about finding his forever, so here’s hoping he can find that meaningful connection with Jenn.

Fun Facts:

• Sam M. had never been to the West Coast of the U.S. before “The Bachelorette.”
• Sam M. officiated his sister’s wedding recently.
• Sam M. was homeschooled while growing up.

Homeschooling isn’t what I’d call a green flag, but there might be extenuating circumstances, so I’m going to let this one pass since there’s nothing else here that is setting off alarm bells.

Red Flag Count: 0

Sam N.

25
Entrepreneur
Carlsbad, California

Instagram: @samnejad_

Sam N.’s energy is unmatched. The entrepreneur comes from a big Persian family and hopes to meet his dream woman to welcome into his world. Sam N.’s family is extremely important to him and so is their approval of anyone he dates. He only dates women he truly sees a future with, and he can really see a future with Jenn. Sam N. is driven and adventurous, and wants to take his future wife on thrilling dates like going zip lining. When he’s not working, Sam N. loves watching rom-coms and spending time with his BFF, aka his dog, Wagmi. Sam N. and Wagmi are a package deal, so hopefully Jenn is ready for some puppy love!

Fun Facts:

• Sam N. is a huge prankster, and his favorite holiday is April Fools’ Day.
• Sam N. loves getting his eyebrows threaded to keep them #OnFleek.
• Sam N. enjoys listening to Elvis Presley’s love songs.

“#OnFleek” is giving me the “ick” as the children say.

Also, be leery of pranksters.

ALSO, beware of any man who requires his family’s approval of a relationship — therein lies a potential Mother-in-Law hellscape.

Red Flag Count: 🚩🚩🚩

Spencer

30
Pet Portrait Entrepreneur
Dallas, Texas

Instagram: @spencer.conley

Spencer is a glass-half-full kind of guy. He oozes positivity in everything he does, from spending time with his family to running his own businesses. The entrepreneur’s work is centered on pets and inspired by his adorable dog, Roux. When Spencer isn’t working, he loves running, playing Catan with his friends, and traveling. Spencer is used to being the wingman for his buddies, but he’s truly ready to find his person for life. This mama’s boy is ready to leave the nest and is looking for a family-oriented woman who is optimistic, loyal, and loves his dog. Life is never boring when Spencer is around, and he plans to make the most out of every second he has with Jenn.

Fun Facts:

• Spencer recently hiked 47 miles through the Grand Canyon for 27 hours straight.
• Spencer loves watching and rewatching “The Office.”
• Spencer ran two ultramarathons in the last year.

Excuse me, is Spencer 30 years old and STILL LIVING WITH HIS PARENTS? LEAVE THAT NEST ALREADY, SPENCER, DAMN.

Red Flag Count: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Thomas

31
Retirement Adviser
Tucker, Georgia

Instagram: @the_thomaswin

Thomas N. has a heart of gold. The retirement adviser loves his work and giving back to a community that he says doesn’t get enough attention. Thomas N. comes from a big Vietnamese family and is very proud of his family’s heritage and culture. His family has been through a lot, and he hopes to find a love as strong as what his parents have. Thomas N. is looking for a future wife who loves him for him and is ready to start a family. When he isn’t working, he enjoys swimming, watching “Guy’s Grocery Games” on the Food Network, and spending time on a boat with his friends. The little things matter just as much as the big things to Thomas N. in a relationship, and he’s ready to shower Jenn with little romantic gestures.

Fun Facts:

• Thomas N. plans on traveling to every continent.
• Thomas N. is a former professional swimmer.
• Thomas N. went cliff diving in Italy.

Thomas seems like he has a good head on his shoulders and I’ve got no notes. Let’s hope with an Asian lead, an Asian contestant gets a little farther in the running than they have historically.

Red Flag Count: 💚

Tomas

27
Physiotherapist
Toronto, Ontario

Instagram: @tzzano

Tomas A. has the ultimate golden retriever energy. He’s outgoing, lovable and a total catch. The Canadian cutie comes from a big Italian family and says his dream date night would be making homemade pizza together with his future wife. Tomas A. is hoping to meet an adventurous woman who loves traveling and is someone he can trust. When Tomas A. isn’t helping others working as a physiotherapist, he loves playing hockey, going on runs with his running club, and watching “Friends.” He’s hoping Jenn can be the Rachel to his Ross! Who could ask for anything more?

Fun Facts:

• Tomas A. enjoys a long drive with no specific destination in mind.
• Tomas A. dreams of snowboarding in the Swiss Alps.
• Tomas A. has gone ice skating thousands of times.

Oh no … no no no … Look, you might not appreciate this Tomas, since you’re Canadian and all, but Ross is the worst.

Red Flag Count: 🚩

Alright, I’m going to go consult with Dakota on what flavor of box wine I should pair with this season, and I’ll see you on the other side.

The Bachelor airs Mondays on ABC at 7/8 p.m and streams on Hulu.