Oh, champagne was popped, friends. Here’s to future bottles.

by Therese Odell, posted in watch this

Innocent. Clearly someone came in and trapped them in this yarn:

@poppyandrue

Lets hope no one was knitting anything special 🫠🫠 #goldenretriever #goldenretrieverlife #naughtydog #badtothebone #dogsoftiktok #doglife #goldensoftiktok #dogs #goldens #poppy #ruby

♬ Bad To The Bone – George Thorogood & The Destroyers

Here’s A BUNCH OF TV News

It’s finally happened! Former President Historic Loser made history again: A Manhattan grand jury voted yesterday to indict him, making him the first former President in U.S. history to face criminal charges. We don’t know what the charges are yet, but there are reports that he faces up to 34 counts of falsifying business records.

So this is not just about Miss Stormy Daniels.

The Former Illiterate-in-Chief reacted by claiming that he had been “INDICATED” and that this is an attack on our country.

Former President National Embarrassment is expected to turn himself in to the authorities in New York next week to be arraigned, fingerprinted and have his mugshot taken. However, if he doesn’t turn himself in, it would turn to Florida Governor DeSantis to extradite him to New York. DeSantis, flaunting U.S. law, has declared he would not do so for antisemitic reasons:

The Constitution says otherwise:

And as much as I would deeply enjoy a prolonged standoff at Mar-A-Lago, I doubt it will happen. Former President Victimhood will turn himself in at an arranged time and try to turn himself into a political martyr.

Fox News responded exactly how you expected them to, claiming this is a sham and low-key calling for violence:

@katmabu

this week’s recap is a ✨ special indictment edition ✨ #fyp #fypシ #foryou #foryoupage #news #usnews #trump #donaldtrump #trumpindictment #foxnews #tuckercarlson #glennbeck #jessewatters #lindseygraham

♬ original sound – Kat Abu

 

Late Night had jokes:

Stephen Colbert: “He was right — we’re finally saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again!”

Jimmy Fallon: “When she heard, Stormy Daniels was, like, ‘Oh, so this is what it feels like to be satisfied?’”

Jimmy Kimmel: “For the first time in the history of this country, an American president has been indicted for his role in paying hush money to a porn star, although, in fairness, that’s a pretty narrow window. Like when Grover Cleveland was president, porn stars were very hard to come by. Still, it’s historic, and it’s funny — it’s very, very funny.”

John Leguizamo: “But hey, let this be a lesson to all you kids out there, OK? If you commit fraud to cover up an affair with a porn star, the law will catch up to you after, like, seven years and a full term as president.” 

Keep Seth Meyers in your heart:

Fittingly for a TV blogger, I actually learned he had been indicted on Twitter through General Hospital‘s Nancy Lee Grahn:

And lots of other people had thoughts:

Some of my other favorite responses:

This feels different because it is different: This man has committed ACTUAL CRIMES RIGHT IN FRONT OF US, and never, ever had to face consequences, other than being voted out of office — and even that was dicey there for a few minutes. To see one of the most powerful people in the country actually be held accountable, to see a wealthy white former President finally be penalized for his criminal behavior, to see that someone is brave enough to declare that literally no one is above the law … it is a big moment in our country’s history. It’s yet another step towards us being the country we like to pretend we are.

It’s important to remember that we’re not there yet: this man has not been convicted and who knows what a jury will think of all this. That said, I’m going to go chill a case of champagne in anticipation of more indictments and (HOPEFULLY) eventual convictions.

In other huge legal news: GWYNOCENT. I mean, that’s just an A+ pun.

Paltrow was found not liable for a 2016 ski collision with Dr. Terry Sanderson, and in fact, the jury found he was the one who ran into her, and he owed her $1. Chillingly, as she left the courtroom, she leaned in and whispered to him, “I wish you well.”

Oh, and we learned why Mike Fleiss was pushed out of The Bachelor, and it’s exactly why you thought he was: He’s a shitbird. After a number of Bachelor employees complained to ABC HR about Fleiss’ behavior, they launched an investigation, and, welp:

During the investigation, sources say, producers complained about Fleiss’ “bullying” behavior, as well as his resistance to increasing diversity on the show over two decades. Individuals who spoke during the investigation expressed that when production staffers suggested casting more diverse reality stars, Fleiss would not take their suggestions and would “lash out” against them. The individuals, who spoke anonymously with Variety, said that throughout the investigation, a common theme that repeatedly came up was that the fight for change was a source of frustration for many staff members.

“People said he would retaliate against people for having minorities and Black people on the show. He favored certain people over other people,” says an individual familiar with the investigation. “He would say, ‘Minorities don’t get ratings.’”

And here’s a little something I forgot about: back in 2019, Fleiss was accused of attacking his pregnant girlfriend and demanding that she get an abortion. He’s a treat.

I would like to remind everyone that the underappreciated Lifetime series UnReal was based on the experiences of a former Bachelor producer. It was very thinly veiled. Mike Fleiss, looks like this:

Mike Fleiss investigation

On UnReal, the creator of the Bachelor-esque show, Everlasting, was Chet Wilton, as played by Craig Bierko.

He was not the hero of UnReal.

Flavor Flav’s social media team is ON POINT:

THE LAST OF US TRIED TO WARN US.

Finally, it’s the 60th anniversary of General Hospital tomorrow!

Cancellations

  • Ghosts will end after five seasons on BBC. NOTE: THIS IS NOT THE CBS GHOSTS, BUT THE SHOW THAT INSPIRED IT.

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • White House Plumbers premieres on HBO on May 1.
  • Citadel debuts on Prime Video on April 28.
  • Mayans M.C. returns on FX on May 24.
  • The Real Housewives of Atlanta returns on Bravo on May 7.
  • Clock will debut on Hulu on April 28.
  • Gordon Ramsay’s Food Stars debuts on Fox on May 24.
  • Big Beasts debuts on Apple TV+ on April 21.
  • AKA premieres on Netflix on April 28.
  • Queenmaker will debut on Netflix on April 14.
  • Sharkdog returns on Netflix on April 28.

NBC has announced their summer premiere dates:

  • America’s Got Talent returns on May 30.
  • Hot Wheels: Ultimate Challenge premieres on May 30.
  • American Ninja Warrior returns on June 5.
  • LA Fire & Rescue premieres on June 21.

R.I.P.

Mark Russell, PBS political satirist

Brian ‘Brizz’ Gillis, Founding member of LFO (Did y’all know that three out of four members of LFO are now dead? What’s up with that?)

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

The Power: Out of the blue, teenage girls develop the ability to electrocute people at will, which changes the balance of power around the world in this new sci-fi series. Series premiere.  Prime Video

Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies: Four outcasts at Rydell High dare to have fun, creating a moral panic in this prequel series to Grease. Series premiere Paramount+

Tetris: Taron Egerton stars in the story of the origins of one of the most addictive video games ever. I would dream about this dumb game. Premiere. Apple TV+

Die Hart: Season two. Roku

Murder Mystery 2: Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston return as detectives Nick and Audrey Spitz in this new mystery comedy. Premiere. Netflix

Whose Line is it Anyway?: Season premiere. 8 p.m., The CW

The Great American Joke Off: Dulcé Sloan hosts this new show in which teams compete to create the funniest jokes. Series premiere. 8:30 p.m., The CW

SATURDAY

Saturday Night Live: Quinta Brunson & Lil Yachty 10:30 p.m., NBC

The Ten Commandments: It’s almost Passover season, guys. 6 p.m., ABC

Rocky marathon: Dun dun dun dundundundundun … 2 p.m., SundanceTV

SUNDAY

2023 CMT Awards: Kelsea Ballerini and Kane Brown host. 7 p.m., CBS

Zodiac: This is as close to a third season of Mindhunter any of us are going to get, sadly. 4:40 p.m., Showtime 2

Mean Girls: This classic is almost 20 years old, you guys. That’s how old you are. 7 p.m., Showtime Showcase

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Vargas, Maisie Peters

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Shark Tank
(new)		 20/20
CBS S.W.A.T.
(new)		 Fire Country
(new)		 Blue Bloods
(new)
CW Penn & Teller: Fool Us
(new)		 Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(new)		 The Great American Joke Off
(new)		 Local
FOX Friday Night Smackdown Local
NBC Lopez vs. Lopez
(new)		 Grand Crew
(new)		 Dateline

—

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC The Ten Commandments News/Local
CBS NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament
(live)		 News/Local
CW Masters of Illusion
(new)		 Masters of Illusion
(repeat)		 World’s Funniest Animals: Spring Fling
(new)		 Local
FOX MLS Soccer News/Local
NBC Night Court
(repeat)		 Night Court
(repeat)		 Password
(repeat)		 Saturday Night Live
(repeat)		 News/
Local		 Saturday Night Live
(Quinta Brunson & Lil Yachty)

—

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(new)		 American Idol
(new)		 The Company You Keep
(new)
CBS 60 Minutes 2023 CMT Music Awards
(new)
The CW Local Penn & Teller: Fool Us
(repeat)		 Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(repeat)		 The Great American Joke Off
(repeat)		 Local
FOX Next Level Chef
(repeat)		 The Simpsons
(repeat)		 Ice Age: The Great Egg-Scapade Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)		 Housebroken
(new)		 Local/News
NBC Dateline Magnum P.I.
(new)		 The Blacklist
(new)

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