Happy Greatest Made-Up TV Holiday of All-Time: FESTIVUS! FOR THE REST OF US!
As for 2022 grievances, OH I HAVE A FEW (Bummer alert):
1. The repeal of Roe v. Wade by an illegitimate Supreme Court, which has led to the suffering and deaths of untold numbers of women who no longer have access to life-saving medical care and the ability to make their own health care decisions. I simply do not know how to express to my male readers, friends, and family the infuriating horror of having less bodily autonomy than a corpse.
2. Our absolute refusal to do anything about gun violence. I knew that when we did fuckall in the wake of Sandy Hook ten years ago that this country valued their guns over our kids. But the awfulness of the massacre of school children in Uvalde, the knowledge that 300 officers stood by and did nothing out of fear of the gunman’s weaponry, and the fact that WE DUMBASSES RE-ELECTED THE LEADERSHIP IN THIS STATE WHO ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN AND CHANGED NOTHING AFTER — it’s enough to fill one with despair.
3. ALSO THE RACIST SHOOTING IN BUFFALO NEW YORK.
4. The vicious and heightened attacks on trans people, drag queens, and the LGBTQ community as a whole. This community has always been subjected to abuse and violence, but we seem to be in a newly loud and dangerous place, as the victims of Club Q can attest. Which reminds me: SEE POINT #2.
5. In terms of television: David Zaslav, the asshat who is running HBO into the ground; and the dingdongs at Netflix who let Henry Cavill and Mike Flanagan slip through their fingers.
6. On a very personal note, I lost (and am losing) older relatives with whom I didn’t spend as much time as I would have if it hadn’t been for the goddamned pandemic. I tried to protect them by staying away for the past couple of years; I lost precious time with them as a result.
7. Elon Musk.
ALRIGHT. I’ve aired my grievances and honestly? It does feel better!
But I don’t want to leave this on a such a down note. 2022 has been a marked improvement over the last couple of years. We have a competent adult in the White House; we didn’t allow the lunatics to take over both houses of Congress in November; our economy seems to be improving; COVID — while still deadly (PLEASE GET YOUR BOOSTERS AND TAKE YOUR GRANDMA WITH YOU) — isn’t killing us as much; and I’m going to have my Christmas Eve dinner again for the first time in two years.
Last year I hoped things would be less terrible, and we’re getting there — slowly, but surely.
And so, my dear Watchers: Happy Festivus; Happy Hanukkah; Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. Stay warm and keep going.
WATCH THIS
FRIDAY
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery: A tech billionaire invites his friends to a private Greek island. When someone turns up dead, Detective Benoit Blanc is on the case. Premiere. Netflix
Strange World: A family of explorers navigates a treacherous land alongside their motley crew in this new Disney animated feature. Premiere. Disney+
The 24th Annual Home for the Holidays at the Grove: The annual 7 p.m., CBS
2022 Back That Year Up: Kenan Thompson and Kevin Hart host this look back on the year that was. Peacock
SATURDAY
Tracking Santa: Follow the big guy as he begins his trip around the world! Hulu
It’s a Wonderful Life: Because it is. 7 p.m., NBC
Home Alone: Insert face slap here. 7 p.m., ABC
A Christmas Story marathon: As much a tradition of the holiday as anything at this point. 7 p.m., TBS
SUNDAY
Roald Dahl’s Matilda the Musical: The musical version of Roald Dahl’s story of an extraordinary girl with a wild imagination. Premiere. Netflix
The Witcher: Blood Origin: Men and elves merge their powers to become one, and the first witcher is created in this origin story of The Witcher, starring the amazing Michelle Yeoh. Series premiere. Netflix
| FRI. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | Mickey Saves Christmas | Olaf’s Frozen Adventure | 20/20 |
| CBS | The 24Th Annual A Home For The Holidays At The Grove | Christmas Takes Flight |
| CW | The Chosen: The Messengers | Masters of Illusion: Christmas Magic | Local |
| FOX | WWE Friday Night SmackDown | Local |
| NBC | How the Grinch Stole Christmas | 5 More Sleeps ‘Til Christmas | Dateline | The Wheel |
—
| SAT. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 | 10:00 | 10:30 | 11:00 | 11:30 |
| ABC | Home Alone | America’s Funniest Home Videos (repeat) |
News/Local |
| CBS | FBI (repeat) |
48 Hours | 48 Hours | News/Local |
| CW | Christmas Around The World | Local |
| FOX | Celebrity LEGO Masters: Holiday Bricktacular | News/Local |
| NBC | It’s a Wonderful Life | News/ Local |
—
| SUN. | 6:00 | 6:30 | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | NBA Basketball (live) |
| CBS | NFL Football | 60 Minutes | East New York (repeat) |
East New York (repeat) |
| The CW | Local | Christmas Around the USA | Local |
| FOX | TMZ’s Merry Elfin’ Christmas (repeat) |
The Simp-sons (repeat) |
The Great North (repeat) |
Bob’s Burgers (repeat) |
Family Guy (repeat) |
Local/News |
| NBC | Sunday Night Football (live) |
Sad that your grievances don’t include the rise of anti-semitism
I apologize for overlooking it. I agree that is a horrific and terrifying part of what is happening in this country, and I don’t mean to diminish the community’s fear and anguish at this time.
-T