MONDAY
The Ultimate Surfer: Fourteen world-class surfers live together and compete for a $100,000 prize in this new series. Premiere. 9 p.m., ABC
The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf: This is a special one-off anime film set in the world of The Witcher, which will just have to tide you over until December when The Witcher returns. Netflix
Born for Business: This new docuseries follows four entrepreneurs with disabilities, showcasing the challenges they face and what it takes to launch and maintain a successful business. Premiere. Peacock
Restoring Galveston: Michael and Ashley are back to save more architectural gems on Galveston Island. Season premiere. 8 p.m., DIY
TUESDAY
Bachelor in Paradise: Last week’s premiere only aired on Monday night, and believe it or not, I had actually stupidly held out hope that this season this nonsense would only be on once a week. Of course, I would never be that lucky. 7 p.m., Tuesday
Supergirl: Supergirl and Zor-El somehow create a whole new threat to National City. Final season premiere. 8 p.m., The CW
Hereditary: Genuinely, this is the scariest movie I’ve seen in at least the past 20 years — if not even longer. If you don’t think you can handle it, you can’t. 5:20 p.m., Showtime Showcase
WEDNESDAY
American Horror Story: In what I think will be the first half of a two-part season, a writer and his family move into a deserted beach town where the inhabitants are … strange. Two-hour season premiere. 9 p.m., FX
Archer: Archer and the gang spend five nights in a Moldovan hotel in the 12th season premiere. 9 p.m., FXX
Bob Ross: Happy Accidents, Betrayal & Greed: A look into the battle over Bob Ross’s happy little trees empire. Premiere. Netflix
Clickbait: Adrian Grenier stars in this new thriller series about a gruesome crime that was fueled by social media. Series premiere. Netflix
THURSDAY
The Other Two: This charming comedy about the older siblings of a Justin-Bieber-esque sensation receives a second life and a second season on HBO Max. Season premiere. HBO Max
Making It: The finalists have to make a “happy place” in the season finale. 8 p.m., NBC
Monster in the Shadows: A look into the disappearance of Brittney Wood, and the shocking revelation about her family that led to her being all but forgotten about in Alabama. Series premiere. Peacock
PEN15: A little animated special featuring Anna and Maya. Premiere. Hulu
See: Season two premiere. Apple TV+
FRIDAY
Saving Private Ryan: Listen, this is A Very Good Movie that is worth watching or re-watching, but if I’m being honest with you, there’s not a whole lot on TV this weekend and it might be a good time to catch up on one of those streaming series you’ve been meaning to finish. 8 p.m., Showtime 2
Danger in the Spotlight: I’ll just transcribe the plot as I read it, because it’s bonkers:
“After struggling with sobriety, Martha has been turning her life around to gain shared custody of her daughter. The night before the custody hearing, though, Martha wakes up from a car crash with alcohol on her breath and flees the scene, not wanting to lose her child forever. Martha knows she hadn’t been drinking, so she’s unsure how she ended up in an accident. Feeling guilty, Martha tracks down Daphne, the other driver she hurt in the accident. Horrified by her supposed role in paralyzing Daphne, Martha becomes her caretaker. But as Martha spends more time with Daphne and her husband, Henry, she begins to wonder if the car accident wasn’t an accident after all.”
Um, what? 7 p.m., LMN
SATURDAY
Mullholland Dr.: I still am not entirely sure what happens in this gorgeous, terrifying nightmare of a movie. 6:30 p.m., Showtime Women
Spider-Man marathon: Back when Toby Maguire was our Spidey. 4:57 p.m., Starz Kids & Family
Dude, Where’s My Car?: Well, here’s a movie I haven’t thought about in literally 21 years. 9:30 p.m., IFC
SUNDAY
Paralympics: More athletic heroes have their chance to shine, but only for one almost-primetime hour on a Sunday. 6 p.m., NBC
Wicked in Concert: It’s the musical. But on the TeeVee. 8 p.m., PBS
The Wrong Cheer Captain: Lifetime is in the middle of a week of movies about cheerleaders and the people who love them who commit crimes to fulfill their cheerleading dreams. Just one long week of Wanda Webb Holloway stories. (Look it up, children. My aunt — literally — wrote the book on it.) 7 p.m., Lifetime