Fox News would rather talk about “aggressive, sex-crazed” pandas or trans athletes, anything — ANYTHING — but the President’s lawyer being raided by the FBI, please.

I’m leading with this story about Tucker Carlson and pandas mostly because I want to mention President Cheeseburger’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, having his offices raided by the FBI yesterday, but, let’s be honest, that particular story isn’t exactly TV related. And yet that is still an amazing thing that happened! A thing that gives me great joy! A thing that I am going to talk about one way or another, dammit!

Before we get to that, y’all might have noticed that I haven’t really been ranting as much about the Fox & Friends-Viewer-in-Chief these days. The reason is twofold: 1. While occasionally he still lashes out at the free press and attacks his favorite media targets, for the most part, President Twatter has seemed to have toned down his assaults on the First Amendment, giving me fewer opportunities to scream about him on a TV blog. But perhaps more importantly, 2. Robert Mueller’s investigation has tempered a lot of my anxiety and anger about this shitstorm of an administration. Stories like Michael Cohen having his office raided, these are the things that give me calm.

Who knows where the investigation will lead, and who knows what will happen if it does actually bear fruit (besides the great deal of fruit it’s already born) and if the spineless slugs that make up the GOP will actually do anything about it (which reminds me, are you registered to vote? If not, be sure to take care of that sooner rather than later). But just its existence, just the fact that someone with a moral center is investigating this criminal that we impossibly elected President, this gives me hope and faith that justice still exists and reason to believe that our country and its values are stronger than one wannabe autocrat with powerful Russian buddies. Of course, Mueller could be fired while I type this — that Constitutional Crisis Waiting to Happen-in-Chief is certainly considering it — but I genuinely believe we are now on a one-way track that only ends in President Shark Week’s humiliation.

But what was I saying … OH RIGHT, TUCKER CARLSON! Yeah, so, this fucker right here … In fairness, I should note that Carlson’s big story of the night was one in which he questioned the legitimacy of the reports of the Syrian chemical attacks, suggesting that Assad didn’t do it, that “both sides” have chemical weapons and this is just a ploy to drag us into a war. While I also am not convinced we need to be become further embroiled in a war in Syria, spouting out this conspiracy theory nonsense only benefits two people: Putin and Assad, the actual murderers.

But what Tucker didn’t talk about on his show was the biggest story of the day: the President of the United States’ personal lawyer’s office and hotel room being raided by the FBI, looking for information on payments said lawyer made to two women who claim they had affairs with the President Tighty-Whities.

INSTEAD, Tucker Carlson ran stories about trans athletes and aggressive, sex-crazed pandas.

I have a feeling the next few months are going to be rough for our friends at Fox News.

What a time to be alive.

Speaking of asshole Fox personalities, Hannity said that Jimmy Kimmel’s apology was “forced” by Disney, before inviting him to be on the show. Such a shame his stupid stunt was drowned out last night by the Michael Cohen news. (An event, by the way, that Hannity called “the mainstream media’s fantasy.” I don’t know about the mainstream media, but it certainly was the fulfillment of one of my fantasies. DO JARED NEXT, GUYS!)

Laura Ingraham is back, and unrepentant, and still shedding advertisers. Good job, Allstate. As for you, @MyPillowUSA, Lear Capital, @23andMe, Visiting Angels, @ZeroWaterFilter, Bavarian Edge, @SandalsResorts, Pc Matic, @InterstateBatteries, and @SlimFast, I guess y’all are just cool with powerful adults bullying teen gun violence survivors. Cool.

Meanwhile, a Sinclair Broadcast Group commentator, Jamie Allman tweeted out the following threat against David Hogg, who, I remind you again, a teenager:

He has since been forced to resign from his show.

Still, the Sinclair CEO just bragged in an interview that he told Trump they were there to “deliver his message.” Be afraid.

In other TV news

Westworld just conducted a master class on trolling. Yesterday, Lisa Joy and Jonathan Nolan hosted a Reddit AMA, and promised the nerds that if it was upvoted 1,000 times, they would “post a video that lays out the plot (and twists and turns) of season 2.” Obviously, fans obliged, and the showrunners posted this video:

Well played, friends, well played.

In other Westworld news, they explained why they chose to add Shogun world. Part of it is to reflect a diversity of experience, but a lot of it is that Jonathan Nolan loves Akira Kurosawa.

Heads up, Gleeks: Darren Criss and Lea Michele are going on tour together.

Wait, hold up, Bethenny Frankel dated the ex-husband of our future American princess?

A reminder as you turn in to Roseanne tonight, ABC already has a working-class sitcom (that is much better): Speechless.

T.J. Miller, get some help, dude.

#MeToo

In this interesting interview, an HBO programming executive talks about creating more female-focused programming, and feels compelled to say the following thing: “But being for more female stories doesn’t mean that you are anti-male.” This is how you know things are still not equal in society because this is a thing that HAS TO BE SAID OUT LOUD.

Judge Judy says that no one would say boo about her $47 million salary if she were a man, and she’s probably not wrong.

Ugh, James Toback is not going to be charged with 5 cases of sexual misconduct because the statute of limitations ran out.

That topless woman who protested at Bill Cosby’s trial yesterday was an actress who appeared on The Cosby Show as a child. Awkward.

Yesterday was Equal Pay Day, the date that symbolizes how far into the year women have to work to earn what men earned in the previous year. To mark the occasion, Catt Sadler wrote this piece about her experience with E!

Ratings

  • Station 19 is safe, in the biggest “no duh” news of the day.
  • Gotham, however, is in danger, despite having numbers that would allow other series to slip through. Thank the Disney/Fox merger.
  • Good Girls has a good chance.

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Preacher will return on AMC on June 24.
  • Marlon will return on NBC on June 14.
  • Reverie will debut on NBC on May 30.
  • The Tale will air on HBO on May 26. It was a breakout hit at Sundance this year.

WATCH THIS

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: You always have that one friend who is never on time anywhere. 8 p.m., Bravo

New Girl: 3 years later … season premiere. If we’re lucky, one day we might get a “Schmidt Happens.” 8:30 p.m., Fox

Elton John: I’m Still Standing — A Grammy Salute: Alessia Cara, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Miranda Lambert, John Legend, Kesha, Little Big Town, Chris Martin, Shawn Mendes, Maren Morris, Ed Sheeran, Sam Smith, and SZA pay tribute to the great Elton John. 8 p.m., CBS

Andre the Giant: An examination of the remarkable wrestler’s life. 9 p.m., HBO

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Jon Hamm, Emily Ratajkowski, Khalid & Normani Late Night with Seth Meyers: Timothy Olyphant, Wyatt Cenac, Gil Sharone The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: James Spader, Katie Couric, Louie Anderson The Late Late Show with James Corden: Reba McEntire, Lucy Hale, Glenn Howerton, Kelsea Ballerini Jimmy Kimmel Live: Eva Longoria, Sebastian Maniscalco, Daniel Caesar featuring H.E.R. Conan: Hilary Swank, Zach Woods, the Lone Bellow The Daily Show: Mariska Hargitay The Opposition with Jordan Klepper: Gregory T. Angelo Watch What Happens Live: The cast of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”

 

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Roseanne
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The Middle
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black-ish
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Splitting Up Together
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For the People
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CBS NCIS
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Elton John: I’m Still Standing
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CW The Flash
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Black Lightning
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Local
FOX Lethal Weapon
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L.A. to Vegas
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New Girl
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NBC The Voice
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Rise
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Chicago Med
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One thought on “Fox News would rather talk about “aggressive, sex-crazed” pandas or trans athletes, anything — ANYTHING — but the President’s lawyer being raided by the FBI, please.

  1. I miss when TLC, History and Discovery actually showed educational shows. I need to find out where those shows are available now. I learned so much from them growing up.

    Like

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