For reasons that are unclear, Chris Pine sings his way through a thoroughly terrible ‘Saturday Night Live’

Saturday Night Live
Chris Pine & LCD Soundsystem
May 6, 2017

Hey, did you guys know that Chris Pine, that guy from Star Trek, can sing? Because Chris Pine REALLY REALLY REALLY wants you to know he can sing. If we count Weekend Update as one sketch (which, let’s just) there were 12 sketches on last night’s Saturday Night Live, and Chris Pine sang in 5 of them. The thing is, Chris Pine? Is not that great of a singer. So, what is even happening here? Who asked this guy to sing?

The episode began with a spoof of Morning Joe, playing on the recent news that Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski are not only secretly dating as many suspected, but are actually engaged to get married. In the sketch, Mika and Joe’s sexual tension makes everyone super uncomfortable, and then Donald Trump’s “publicist” “John Miller” calls in, the end. This entire sketch would have been much funnier several weeks ago before Scarborough and Brzezinski confirmed what everyone already knew.

Grade: B-

I enjoyed the idea behind the Chris Pine monologue song set to “Uptown Girl” about how Pine is regularly mistaken for Chrises Pratt, Hemsworth and Evans — and, y’all, Chris Pine and Chris Evans really, really look alike. However. 1. I don’t like monologue songs, I find them irritating and lazy and 2. Pine is not nearly as good a singer as he clearly thinks he is.

Grade: B (points for concept)

“Where in the World is Kellyanne Conway” is a spot-on parody of 90’s PBS kids’ show Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, and, even better: it gets in, makes its joke, and gets out all within 2 minutes.

Grade: A+

I don’t even know what the joke is with this Slavic power ballad video? About peace and internet porn? There is nothing funny happening here? Also, we get it, Chris Pine, you sing.

Grade: D

So, this stakeout sketch. In this bit, a pair of cops are staking out an illegal arms dealer, and his next door neighbors are a couple of grown men having an innocent cotton candy dance party. And that was kinda funny! At first. But then the sketch couldn’t help itself, and just kept amping up the absurdity of the situation until it was completely and utterly drained of humor and came to its obvious conclusion.

Grade: C

In a sketch that is unavailable on YouTube, a company’s CEO and head of human resources call Chris Pine’s character into a meeting where they sing “The Boy is Mine” at him. And — wait for it — Chris Pine sings back.

Grade: C

Here is a parody of The Real World, because that is super timely and relevant.

Grade: C-

Here’s your “Weekend Update.” It is not particularly good this week. The jokes about health care were flat and reheated and the whole incomprehensible weather girl thing that Vanessa Bayer did was just not as funny as they seem to think. Not even Leslie Jones yelling about having sex in Jamaica is as satisfying as it should be. The best joke comes at 3:16 in the first video. Just watch that, be done and thank me later.

Grade: C

In this bit, a group of manly car mechanics slowly begin to reveal that they are secret fans of RuPaul’s Drag Race, culminating in Chris Pine and Bobby Moynihan lip synching for. their. lives. But I mean, who doesn’t love RuPaul’s Drag Race?

Grade: A-

The Handmaid’s Tale is parodied in this bit in which bros just don’t get it. Too true.

Grade: A

In yet another TV spoof (fifth of six, in fact), Neil DeGrasse Tyson hosts the “lost” Star Trek episodes featuring Spock’s cousin, Spock-O, who has a bunch of dumb catchphrases and a thick Queens accent. I mean, I get it: you have Captain Kirk on, you probably should do a Star Trek-based sketch, but this one seems lazy and tired.

However, interesting side note: The guy who plays Sulu here, Akita Yoshimura, is a longtime Saturday Night Live production designer who has played Sulu on the show three other times: in 1976, in 1986 and in 1994. And now that bit of trivia has replaced the date of your grandmother’s birthday somewhere in your brain.

Grade: C+

In the final sketch of the night, a group of couples play a game where they sing television theme songs and people have to guess what show the song is from and HEY GUESS WHAT, GUYS, CHRIS PINE SINGS.

Grade: B-

Final Grade: C. Woof.

lip sync snl.gif

Hey, at least LCD Soundsystem was good.

Next week: Melissa McCarthy & Haim.

Saturday Night Live airs at 10:30/11:30 p.m. Saturdays on NBC.

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