‘The Walking Dead’: Everybody loves a hero

The Walking Dead
“Dead Weight”
November 24, 2013

After The Governor and Megan fell into a walker pit, and The Governor was forced to kill all the walkers with his bare hands in the squishiest way possible, who should pop his head over the side but Minion #1. He helps The Governor and Megan out of the walker pit (mistake number one) and accepts The Governor and his new family into his new camp (mistake number two). But they can only join them under two conditions: 1. Minion #1 is in charge, we’ll call him The Mayor, and 2. Everyone has to contribute. The Mayor’s new minions (Including Charlie from Fringe! Hey, Charlie from Fringe! Long time no see!) are pretty sure they already have enough mouths to feed, but The Mayor is a soft touch and apparently very stupid, so welcome to the camp, The Governor. Try not to kill everyone.

All of this is revealed during a flashback, while The Governor does laundry.

And nearby, Megan plays chess and talks in broad, hamfisted metaphors. Was The Governor a Bad kid? Is she Bad? Are they going to be safe now because they are all Good? Hey, it’s his turn. It’s his turn in the game. WAIT. I DON’T GET IT.

The Governor and his family have their very own RV at the camp, which has a leaky roof even though it has not rained on this show, like, ever, because metaphor. While The Governor pouts about the conditions of the joint, his new girlfriend, Lilly, announces that she’s going to set up a nurse’s station  as a means to help out. If they want a better life, they have to make it better.

To that end, The Governor goes out on a supply run with The Mayor and Charlie and his very handsome brother, Pete. The group pass a large pond which is apparently dead, and Charlie establishes that he is A Bad Guy by making fun of The Governor’s one eye. Eventually, they come across a headless body bound to a tree with a handwritten sign reading “LIAR” on it. Good times.

Oh, and meanwhile, back at the camp, Lilly’s sister, Tara, strikes up a flirtation with a sexy Army lady, Alisha, because all lesbians are in the military or the police and all women who are in the military or in the police are lesbians, that’s just science.

Back in the woods, the group follows the trail of headless corpses to a cabin, where they find one labeled “RAPIST,” and another body who appears to have shot himself, bearing the sign “MURDERER.” So, that sounds like it was a fun party. The Governor leads the way inside the cabin where they follow the sound of some banging. Eventually Handsome Pete is attacked by a female walker. While he thrashes around screaming, “GET IT OFF OF ME, GET IT OFF OF ME,” The Governor calmly bashes her head in with a flashlight because that is how you do. The group is distracted by a collection of still animated and snapping heads rolling around on the floor, which is how the child walker manages to take them by surprise. The Governor kills her, too, but he isn’t happy about it. TOO CLOSE TO HOME.

While Charlie and Handsome Pete root around for supplies, The Mayor explains that he wouldn’t have pulled The Governor out of the walker pit but for the fact that he had the little girl with him, and notes that The Governor seems to have changed. KEEP THINKING THAT, THE MAYOR.

Returning with beer, Charlie wonders why the cabin was filled with walkers, and The Governor is like, “It was the dude’s family, duh. As for the heads rolling around on the floor, it’s just a design choice, OK?” Charlie respects The Governor’s no-nonsense approach to walker killing, and wonders if he’s always been this cool. The Mayor confirms that The Governor has “ice in his veins,” but doesn’t like to talk about his life before it all changed. Charlie does, however, and explains that he turned in his ice cream truck for a job with the Army where he became a tank driver. And, in fact, when the world all went to hell, he took the tank with him as a souvenir. His brother Handsome Pete, however, remained loyal to the military to the end, and hung out at Fort Benning way too long. As for what The Governor did when it all went down? He “survived.”

The group returns to the camp with beers and good spirits. After everyone has a few hot, skunky beers, Drunk The Mayor takes The Governor up to the roof of an RV for a “surprise:” a golf club and a few golf balls which they hit out into the prairie. While smacking balls, Drunk The Mayor reveals that Minion #2 was killed in the field nearby after becoming reckless. It was almost like he wanted to be eaten. Drunk The Mayor notes that he wouldn’t be able to let himself get attached to a family again, the way The Governor has — he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, worrying so much about their safety. Drunk The Mayor then confesses that he doesn’t think he can keep the camp safe, and Hey! Here’s an idea: how about they run the place together? And that’s when The Governor bashes Drunk The Mayor in the back of the head with his golf club, kicks him off the RV and drags him over to the walker pit (head first no less) because he doesn’t want the responsibility.

There it is. There’s the crazy we all know and love. I’m sure a simple, “no thanks” would have sufficed.

And can we just pause here for one quick moment and ask why the camp has walker pits to begin with? Back at Woodbury it made a sort of sense: they were experimenting on the walkers, using them for sport and punishment, etc. But if you’re not a psychotic, why would you build pits filled with brain-noming zombies that you or your kids might fall into? That just doesn’t make any sense at all.

ANYWAY. Lilly finds The Governor in the RV hyperventilating after “having a bad dream,” when the camp is called out for an emergency meeting. Seems The Mayor got drunk and fell into a walker pit (see above). So, what’s going to happen is Handsome Pete is going to take over, K? K.

Except, not K. Not K at all! Not!Dale protests that they need to take a vote on this, an idea Tara supports, only to have Charlie scream in her face that she needs to shut her mouth. Handsome Pete calms everyone down by promising that they will take a vote in a couple of days, chill.

And with that, Handsome Pete announces another supply run. On the run, Handsome Pete admits to The Governor that he’s overwhelmed by the sheer number of things he has to deal with: rationing, fences, supplies, IT’S ALL TOO MUCH. The Governor, he is not impressed.

Later, they come across another, smaller camp that has supplies. Charlie is pro-pillaging and murdering; his brother, Handsome Pete, is anti-pillaging and murdering. In the end, the Good Guy wins and they leave the camp in peace, focusing their murderousness on a handful of squirrels. When they pass back by the campsite on their way home, wouldn’t you know it, but someone less nice apparently had the same idea as Charlie and killed everyone on site and stole all their supplies. (And somehow they didn’t hear it when it happened? Even though they were RIGHT THERE? Hmm. I SAY “HMM” TO THAT.)

Back at camp, The Governor announces to the womenfolk that it’s time to pack their bags, they’re done here. The ladies are all very confused, but go along with him, why not. And so Lilly and Megan and Tara and Alisha load up into a car that I suppose they steal from the camp and they drive away into the night only to be stopped by a mud pit filled with stuck walkers. SIGH.

So they return to the camp where the first thing The Governor does is march up to Handsome Pete’s camper and murder him. NOOOOOO! NOT HANDSOME PETE! HE’S TOO HANDSOME TO DIEEEEEE!

With blood-stained hands, The Governor heads to the next camper on his list: Charlie’s. But instead of killing Charlie, The Governor is all, “O HAI I JUST KILLED YOUR BROTHER, HAVE A CIGARETTE, LET’S BE BFFS.” And Charlie accepts the offer because he’s a sociopath, too, I guess. They’ll just tell everyone that Handsome Pete died on a supply run, saving their lives because everyone loves a hero.

And so the camp carries on, building fences and standing guard and stocking up on bullets and supplies and everything is honky-dory until a walker sneaks into the laundry and very nearly eats Megan. The Governor, who had been having his eye socket massaged by Lilly at the time (gross), manages to save Megan with a single bullet.

But the whole experience shakes him  deeply, so he goes out to the pond to have a ponder over the submerged body of Handsome Pete, before going over to the prison where he has a ponder while staring at Rick, Carl and Michonne. WAIT, WHO ARE YOU AIMING THAT GUN AT, THE GOVERNOR? PUT THAT DOWN.

The Walking Dead airs on AMC on Sundays at 8/9 p.m.

This post originally appeared on the Hearst site Tubular.

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