‘The Walking Dead’: You had one job

The Walking Dead
October 27, 2013

Before we get started, just look at this picture of a pug dressed as Michonne for Halloween. You will never come up with a costume this perfect:

michonne pug

Alright so: digging graves, digging graves, digging graves. And just when you thought the zombie apocalypse had made a turn for the better.

A very hysterical Tyrese shows Rick, Carol and Daryl Karen’s and David’s crispifried bodies in the death row yard and is like, “WELL? OFFICER RICK? GO SOLVE THIS CRIME.” Daryl and Rick try to encourage Tyrese to calm down. Surprisingly, this does not work. In fact, when Rick tells him that Karen wouldn’t want Tyrese to act so crazypants, Tyrese punches Rick square in the face.Improbably (unconvincingly), Rick swings back and manages to knock Tyrese down, punching punching punching, until Daryl pulls Rick off of the guy who is 65% larger than our feisty little hero, sure. That’s believable.

Later, Hersh cleans and tends to Rick’s symbolically bloodied hands and mentions that there is going to be a Council meeting, if, you know, Rick’s interested. Rick mumbles that he’s done enough damage for one day, so Hersh blah blahs about falling off the wagon and getting back on alcoholic blah responsibilities.

Hersh then goes outside where he finds Glenn worrying about the recent spate of superflu deaths and their own chances of contracting Captain Trips, just what kind of timeline are they looking at? Hersh shrugs off such logical arguments, insisting that the contagion and incubation periods are different for everyone, whaddya gonna do? And that’s when Sasha comes stumbling towards them with a wet cough. “NO BIG DEAL, I’M JUST GOING TO GO SEE DR. S. OKBYE.”

At the Council meeting, while Hershel explains to the audience that the flu has spread to everyone who was in cell block D during the attack, Glenn tries to play it cool and not reveal that he’s leaking roughly 70% of his own fluids out of his scalp, right at that very moment. But there’s some good news! While most of the pharmacies in the area have certainly been stripped of any and all meds, Hersh thinks there’s a chance most people didn’t think about the veterinary college some 50 miles up the road. And with that, a plan is hatched: those who have not been infected, minus Hersh and his peg leg, will go to the veterinary college and retrieve all the antibiotics, everyone else will remain behind and become infected.

Not going on the expedition: Carol and Rick who are having some sort of issue with the water pump. The line is full of mud and an expedition outside of the fence is required. Carol wants to do it RIGHT NOW, Rick does not. Riveting stuff.

Carol and Rick notice that Tyrese is channeling his rage into digging graves for Karen and David and she encourages Rick to go play nice. So Rick approaches and apologizes to Tyrese for busting up his face which is still pretty improbable, let’s be honest. Tyrese apologizes too, but insists that Rick find out who flambeed Karen and David. Rick makes some mushy-mouthed noises about how he’s totally going to look into it, honest, for reals, but, you know, maybe whoever killed them was just trying to stop the illness from spreading? WELL, IT DIDN’T WORK, and now Sasha is sick and all Rick is doing is playing with his hose and letting murderers run around amok.

Inside the prison, Carl is having a pout at having to be quarantined with the other, still healthy children because UGH, BORING. When Rick checks on him, Carl’s like, “Listen, you do know that I might have to use my gun, right? I need you to be cool with that, and not freak all out and try to take it or my hat away from me again, alright?” Rick agrees.

At the door to the sick ward, a masked Carol is busily shoving people with symptoms inside, including you, Lady Who Claims It’s Just Allergies and New Sophia: IN YOU GO.


Oh, and also, Glenn is sick, obviously. Maggie has a sad. YOU BETTER NOT KILL GLENN, WRITERS. THAT BETTER NOT HAPPEN. After learning Glenn has to be quarantined, Maggie finds Sister and talks to her through a wall? A door? I don’t know, the point is, Sister is with the children, including Baby, and she just keeps telling Maggie that she has to pull it together: they don’t get to be upset. They just have to do their jobs, and Sister’s job is to sit here on this floor with Baby, be shell-shocked.

As for Hersh, he decides that his job is to go out to the woods and try to get his hobbled self eaten. Carl catches him trying to sneak out and after a “YOU CAN’T GO OUTSIDE!” “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” exchange, Carl decides to go grab his hat and gun and go with Hersh to protect him.

Out in the woods Hersh picks berries while yammering at Carl about how mature he’s become during his recent gun and hat time out.

carl and hersehl twd the walking dead woods hat.gif

The two come across a ruined campsite, half a hissing walker and a full walker that shambles towards them. Carl is ready to shoot, but Hersh discourages it. It’s not worth it; even Hersh on his one good leg can outlimp her. And with that, they head back to the prison with their pillowcase full of berries.

Maggie and Rick discover Hersh trying to sneak into the quarantined area with his berries and are like, “NOPE.” But Hershel explains that his wife used to make a mulberry tea as a natural remedy for the flu, and since THEY LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO OFFER THESE PEOPLE EXCEPT A PHLEGMY DEATH, WHAT HAVE THEY GOT TO LOSE? Maggie reminds Hershel that he’s old and vulnerable, but Hershel’s not hearing it: making these people feel better and keeping them alive until they can save them with proper medicine is worth risking his life. “OH FINE,” says Maggie as she opens the door for her father, “YOU STUBBORN OLD MAN.”

And so Hershel serves mulberry tea to Dr. S, who thanks him by coughing blood all over Hershel’s face, and to Glenn who whines about being taken out by a glorified cold. Hershel instructs Glenn to believe that he’s going to survive: it’s his ONE JOB.

Outside, Daryl and Michonne and Bob make plans to go on their horse pill run, but they really could use a fourth. Since Rick is planning on hanging around the prison to play with his hose, they approach Tyrese. However, now that Sasha is quarantined and vulnerable, Tyrese intends to hang out at the prison and stand guard against the murderer in their midst.

But then he pays a visit to his sister and Sasha’s like, “I heard Daryl’s going out for some medicine and that we could all be saved as early as tomorrow, hooray!” Her hopefulness redirects Tyrese, who decides to leave Sasha to her own defenses and go along on Mission: Medicine. But not before asking Carol to keep an eye on Sasha for him and OH MY GOD, CAROL KILLED KAREN AND DAVID.

The foursome are driving along enjoying Beaver’s sweet ride and about to put on one of his CDs when they pick up what sounds to be a radio transmission. But we’ll never know because DARYL DOESN’T KEEP HIS EYES ON THE ROAD and drives them into a swarm of walkers. Well done, Daryl. Maybe you should stick to your motorcycle, Sexy. They attempt to back away only to get the car stuck on a pile of walkers. So they move on to Plan B: RUN! Daryl and Michonne do their badass thing, slicing and crossbowing their way through the walkers, but Bob is distracted by the fact that Tyrese is just completely zoning out in the back seat, doing nothing.

tyrese twd the walking dead scream

Finally, finally, Tyrese snaps out of it, only to be surrounded by walkers. Nomnomnom.

R.I.P. Tyrese: Season Three – Season Four.

Running through the woods, running through the woods, running through the woods, and that’s when Daryl, Bob and Michonne hear something behind them. Walk TYRESE! HE LIVES! SOMEHOW! I mean, he must be bitten, right? He was completely dripping in walkers, he’s not not bitten, right?

Back at the prison, Rick inspects the murder scene again, noticing for the first time a small bloodied handprint on the door and OH MY GOD, CAROL KILLED KAREN AND DAVID.

As for Carol, she tries to collect water from some of the rain barrels, has a temper tantrum when only a dribble comes out and knocks one of the barrels to the ground. WAH. That’s when she makes an executive decision to head outside the gates by herself and demud the hose. She sets up a distraction for the walkers on the interior of the fence so that she can sneak in behind the walkers and clear out the hose. However, that only works for so long, and the next thing Rick knows he’s having to go save her from the horde, dammit, Carol. THEY WERE GOING TO CLEAR OUT THE HOSE TOMORROW, CAROL.

Safely back inside the prison gates, Rick notes that what Carol did was very very stupid, but that she does a lot for them, for the kids. And, uh, just a quick question, Carol, did you kill Karen and David? “Yep,” Carol answers, “sure did.” And with that, she marches into the prison with her buckets filled. 

hide yo kids hide yo wife carol burn twd.jpg

The Walking Dead airs on AMC on Sundays at 8/9 p.m.

This post originally appeared on the Hearst site Tubular.

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