The Walking Dead
“30 Days Without an Accident”
October 13, 2013
Last we saw of our walker-fighting friends, they had chased off The Governor and his minions after an anticlimactic attempted raid of the prison to kill everyone. Thus thwarted, The Governor relieved his frustrations by shooting all of his minions (but for one) in the face. He then disappeared off into the middle distance, leaving behind all the Woodbury ladyfolk, children, old people and pet walkers to fend for themselves. And so, with a heavy sigh, Rick and Team Prison loaded them up into a school bus and brought them to live with them at the prison because what else were they gonna do, leave them there to get their faces eaten? Come on.
Fastforward a few months later and things are looking downright cheery in the prison yard: Rick is getting his planter gardens on, the new residents keep themselves busy with hobbies such as walker face-stabbing and Daryl worshipping, there’s a pig.
One morning, Rick listens to a little Bob Dylan while doing some farming, whereupon he digs up a discarded gun because symbolism. Carl comes outside to complain that his father didn’t wake him up and the two regard Violet, the pig, who isn’t looking too good because symbolism. Rick warns Carl not to name the livestock, they aren’t pets, but then later finds himself calling her Violet because symbolism.
Meanwhile, over in the makeshift kitchen, New Kid
Patrick Phineas serves as a stand-in for the audience’s feelings about Daryl and is like, “ZOMG YOU’RE SO COOL DARYL THANK YOU FOR THE DEER YOU KILLED CAN I SHAKE YOUR HAND OR HUG YOU OR KISS YOU WHATEVER YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH PLEEEEEEEASE?” Daryl, after licking his fingers clean, obliges, which, gross. We are already not living in particularly hygienic conditions as it is, Daryl, let’s not make it worse. Daryl and Carol then go off to watch as the other newbies face stab some walkers through the fence. Carol is concerned there has been an increase in the number of walkers shambling towards them lately. Yeah, you’re going to want to have some sort of walker removal plan, guys, lest they start World War Zing you.
Inside the prison, Glenn and Maggie wake up and discuss whether or not she should come with him on the supply raid that they have scheduled that day. Maggie doesn’t put up much of a fight when Glenn insist she stay at home, so obviously: pregnant.
Back out the in the yard, Tyrese chats up that Karen lady from Woodbury — the one who survived The Governor shooting everyone in the face and who then told Team Prison what The Governor had done — because she and Tyrese are a thing now and for the last time, you guys, Sasha is his sister, not his wife, quit being weird. Anyway, he is also going on the raid and he also thinks she should stay back at the prison, but not because she’s pregnant, at least I don’t think so.
Also going on the raid: Some Other New Kid
Zach Beaver “MY NAME IS CASSIDY” Casablancas. Beaver and Sister are also a thing now, but she won’t say goodbye to him before she leaves, so FORESHADOWING.
As they pack up the car, Yet Another New Guy, Bob, asks if he can tag along, and Sasha is all “I don’t know, Yet Another New Guy,” before she’s like, “OH FINE.”
The group is ready to leave when in rides Michonne on a horse just to prove that contrary to what you might have thought, she actually could become cooler. She comes bearing comic books for Carl, but otherwise bad news: she still hasn’t found The Governor so as to shove her sword through his remaining eyeball. Michonne announces that she’s going to go to Macon, some 70 walker-filled miles away, to look for him there, but first, she’ll hang out and help with Daryl’s raid.
Oh, and also, they’ve got some new security measures which are hilarious and awesome, but I’m still concerned about that whole body piling-up issue outside of the fence, if only because the smell must be dreadful.
The group arrives at their destination: a Big Lots! which I am certain just loves the product placement. Big Lots! was commandeered by the military before it was overrun by walkers; but our group, who has significantly gotten their stuff together now that they aren’t constantly having to defend themselves against a psychotic cyclops, they have a whole plan in place. On an earlier expedition, they lured the exterior walkers out, and now they’ll sweep the few remaining interior walkers before heading inside and loading up on baby formula, crockpots and Doritos. And it’d be a great plan if the roof of Big Lots! weren’t crawling with roof walkers.
But. Before we get to that, it seems Beaver has been trying to figure out what Daryl was in his previous life, seeing as he is such a Cool Guy That Everyone Loves. Beaver has decided that Daryl must have been a homicide cop, a notion that Daryl does not dissuade him of. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, says Michonne, because, seriously, ha.
The group heads inside where Glenn stares morosely at pictures of babies and New Guy Bob stares morosely at bottles of booze and wait just a moment, BIG LOTS! CARRIES BOOZE? This changes everything. So, Bob is staring at the booze and he grabs a bottle only to remember OH RIGHT, he is an alcoholic and puts it back down again, which somehow causes the entire shelf to fall onto his head. 1. This is what indecisiveness will get you: trapped under a set of shelves, 2. HOW DARE YOU WASTE ALL THAT SWEET, SWEET ALCOHOL, BOB, and 3. The sound of the shelves crashing all that rum on Bob’s head catches the attention of the roof walkers who, after months of safely shuffling around on the roof, finally managed to find its undiscovered soft spots. They promptly begin falling down through the ceiling onto our heroes’ heads.
Fighting the walkers, fighting the walkers, fighting the walkers.
Trapped Bob the Alcoholic is about to be eaten by an ironically footless walker and all he can do about it is peel the walker’s scalp away when, HOORAY! Daryl and Beaver save him, but BOO! Beaver is bitten by a wholly different roof walker. Adding insult to injury, Beaver is then smooshed by a military helicopter that, like the roof walkers, had happily rested atop the Big Lots! roof until Bob suddenly remembered that he had an alcohol problem.
But everyone else makes it out alive, so.
Meanwhile, back at the prison, Hersh speaks in broad metaphors to Rick about farming, before insisting on behalf of “The Council” that if Rick is going to go outside the gates to do stuff and things, he at least take a gun with him.
Remarkably, Rick actually listens and arms himself before heading out to the woods to … I don’t even know what, look at animal carcasses? Rick is about to do something with one such carcass when what appears to be a walker emerges from the woods and beats him to it. Rick attempts to sneak away, only to break a twig and catch the walker’s attention, who calls out to him for help. Rick is all, “DO WHA?” and turns back to find a very much alive woman, albeit with the same grooming habits as a walker, pleading with him. And for some reason, he doesn’t suggest that she go wash her hair, she’d feel better, because that’d be the first thing I would suggest.
She explains to Rick that she and her husband, Eddie, they haven’t eaten for days and they would very much like to join his camp, if he has one. Rick gives the woman a package of food with a side of stink eye and explains that he’d have to meet with them both and ask them three questions. He then pats her down, briefly confiscates her knife and threatens that if she tries anything funny, she’ll be the one who loses. Rick then returns her knife, because he’s a dumb dummy.
So the two of them tromp through the woods towards Filthy’s camp, all the while she tells him her Story of Woe: she and Eddie were headed for their honeymoon when the airport was shut down. A few days later, they were overrun and few of them survived. In fact, she wouldn’t have survived, had it not been for Eddie who saved her nasty, unwashed self over and over again. She and Eddie, they had to do so many terrible things just to survive: kill things, eat rotten fruit, leave people behind, hide from people who just needed help, not bathe. Does Rick suppose you ever get over those things once you’ve done them? And despite all the “HEY, YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T TRUST ME” vibes she’s radiating and the spider imagery all over the place, Rick continues following her to her camp because he’s a dumb dummy.
Rick and Filthy arrive at the camp where Filthy immediately checks on Eddie, who, wait, where’s Eddie? I’m not seeing any Eddie? And that’s when she comes at Rick with her knife because of course she comes at Rick with her knife. Fortunately, Rick took the council’s advice and gun beats knife. So Filthy cries some more about how she can’t lie with Eddie, begs Rick to not end it “after” and proceeds to stab herself in the belly. SHOOT HER, SHOOT HER RICK. Instead, as she dies, he asks her his three magical questions:
1. “How many walkers have you killed?”
Zero. Zero walkers, Eddie did all of the killing.
2. “How many people have you killed?”
Just her filthy self.
Because you don’t get to come back from the things you’ve done.
And with that, Filthy dies. After taking one last look at “Eddie,” who we now see appears to be a writhing burlap sack, Rick leaves the newly reunited walker couple to themselves and their honeymoon. BYEEEEEEE.
Meanwhile, back at the prison, Carl and Phineas notice some of the younger kids naming and taunting the fence walkers. When Carl orders them to stop — they aren’t pets, they kill and eat people — one of the girls sasses back that people kill people and get to keep their names. Carl, who is older, tries to play the “I’ve seen more than you” card. But she’s not hearing it, and she, the kids and Phineas stomp off to “storytime” which Carl is pretty sure is too dumb and little-kidish for the likes of him.
But he isn’t entirely sure, so Carl sneaks into the prison library where he finds Carol reading some book about candles to the kids. However, the moment the only other adult leaves the room, Carol pulls out a big box of knives and is like, “ALRIGHT, LET’S GET TO REAL STORYTIME: So here’s how you hold a knife…” In the middle of Carol’s practical, not-candle-based lesson, Phineas asks to be excused, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with nausea. That’s when Carol catches sight of Carl lurking around and she begs him not to tell Rick what she’s doing as I suppose he’d disapprove of the kids being able to defend themselves? For some reason?
Everyone returns to the prison: Rick comes back to find that Violet the pig is dead because symbolism. Disappointingly, Violet the pig does not become a walker.
Tyrese returns to that Karen lady and complains about how much he hates going outside of the prison. And Glenn returns to Maggie to discover that in fact, she’s not pregnant, THANK GOODNESS. Maggie insists that it wouldn’t be a bad thing, they have to not be afraid to live their lives. Glenn argues that being afraid has kept them alive, to which Maggie corrects him: no, being afraid is merely what kept them breathing. Which, OH COME ON, LADY.
And Daryl tells Sister that Beaver died. Sister shrugs, goes over to her “___ Days Without an Accident” sign and removes the “30.” Sister doesn’t cry anymore, she’s just glad to have known Beaver and she’s glad she didn’t say goodbye. The two share a hug, which, aww, but also, eww, weird, stop.
While Michonne makes her road trip plans, Rick chats with Hersh, who assures him that some people are just too far gone to save. Hersh also comforts Rick that he did come back, no matter what that grimy-faced crazy lady said.
Later that night, Phineas, still feeling sick from looking at those knives, stumbles to the showers. There, he manages to create enough pressure to douse himself with water for about five seconds before unceremoniously collapsing, dying and turning into a walker.
SEE, DARYL? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LICK YOUR FINGERS CLEAN INSTEAD OF WASHING YOUR HANDS. IT’S CALLED “GERM THEORY,” LOOK IT UP IN THE PRISON LIBRARY.
(Actually, I’m guessing Violet’s death was supposed to hint that there is some sort of virus, perhaps a swine flu, going around and that the number of people living in the prison’s close quarters are going to prove to be an ideal breeding ground for the bug to spread. But that’s just a wild stab in the dark.)
The Walking Dead airs on AMC on Sundays at 8/9 p.m.
This post originally appeared on the Hearst site Tubular.