‘The Golden Bachelor’: Women tell as much as there is to tell (which is not much)

by Therese Odell, posted in the golden bachelor, the golden bachelor: season 2

The Golden Bachelor
October 29, 2025

OH HI. Soooooo … I kinda forgot about this show. Well, not “forgot” — anytime I ditch a series, it weighs on me and bothers me even if I only have a dozen readers waiting for an update. It was more like, I was traveling a lot, Mel and his final two women were complete bores, the holidays happened, and the next thing you know, we are a week away from Taylor Frankie Paul’s season of The Bachelorette, without any Golden Bachelor closure. So here’s your Golden Bachelor closure, whether you asked for it or not.

First up: welcome to another completely unnecessary “Women Tell All” special.

The women being forced to sit through this exercise include:

Model Carla, Charo-andra, Bumbling Lisa, Dentist Monica, Wine Robin, Flight Attendant Monica, Terri the Puppeteer, Twin Andra, Texas Roxanne, Momager Amy, Dodgers Carol, Nurse Gerri, Handsy Nicolle, Dirt Bike Cheryl, and Jazzercise Debbie.

Everyone’s actual favorite, Hockey Diane, will not be joining the group because her son was getting married in Hawaii.

As for the other women who aren’t there: Lily’s Lillies; Malibu Maia; Compass Susie; Tracy with the Big Hat; and Vegas Mylene. There is no explanation, just an implied “who cares.”

We begin with the obligatory montage of the early days of the women meeting Mel and all of the group dates, and learn that one of my personal favorites, Charo-andra, was unable to participate in the cheerleading group date because of her sciatica. But that’s ok, she explains in the Bachelor Studio, while leaping up and rubbing herself down with one of the dildos that Susan and Katy brought the women during the pajama party, someone gave her this “massager,” and she’s feeling much better.

I love her. Make her the Golden Bachelorette, you cowards.

And then Jesse Palmer addresses the only real conflict on this entire season: Handsy Nicolle. Jesse Palmer notes that there was “a lot of kissing” going on with her and Mel, and she insists that it was all genuine chemistry between them, not a strategy. “When we kissed, the whole world fell away, and I forgot we were at a pool party,” she claims.

“We know,” quips one of the women.

Handsy Nicolle then declares herself a “trailblazer” on the show, the first to go in and kiss Mel, and then everyone began following her lead. YES. BECAUSE IT WOULD NEVER OCCUR TO THESE GROWN-ASS WOMEN THAT THEY COULD KISS A MAN THEY WERE ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED IN. THANK GOD YOU WERE THERE TO SHOW THEM THE WAY.

Jesse Palmer asks for clarification on the whole lemon bar situation, and she admits that she should have been more forthcoming with Mel that while she was the “head chef,” it was a group effort and made with love “from all of us.”

Jesse Palmer then inquires if she has any regrets, and Handsy Nicolle is like “NOPE!” before declaring that she just wants to “empower women in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s …”

Understandably, this elicits a strong reaction from the other women, who begin to shout over her, but she DEMANDS TO FINISH. Handsy Nicolle then claims that she’s “empowering women” by showing women that they can have both a career and find the love of their life. As far as I can tell, she has neither, so I’m unclear on why she’s deemed herself the best person to deliver this message.

Jazzercise Debbie has had perfectly enough of this blather and interrupts to tell Handsy Nicolle that she wasn’t empowering, she was dismissive. She was dismissive of Jazzercize Debbie and her concerns, she was dismissive of the women from the first season, she was dismissive of the final two, telling Mel to call her when it doesn’t work out with whomever he picks.

Jazzercise Debbie goes on to tell Handsy Nicolle that she defended her until she saw her say she was on the show to “date America” and become an influencer. But, Jazzercise Debbie snaps, she’ll never be an influencer if no one likes her.

ALRIGHT FINE, MAKE DEBBIE THE GOLDEN BACHELORETTE.

Jesse Palmer asks Wine Robin if she regrets telling Mel there was someone who wasn’t there for the right reasons, and she insists that she only regrets not telling him sooner because there were other women who might have had more time with him had it not been for the whole Handsy Nicolle mess.

Dodger Carol steps in to stop the “roasting” of Handsy Nicolle, and Puppeteer Terri adds that Handsy Nicolle was kind to cook for all of them. Handsy Nicolle is grateful and promises to do better. Which, you know, FINE. I see y’all being kind and mature and whatever. But honestly, Handsy Nicolle deserved a lot worse, if you ask me. She’d never last a Bachelor Original Flavor “The Women Tell All,” is all I have to say.

Next up is another montage of the women being silly: talking about splitting Mel up into parts (ha?) and unseen scenes from the pajama party involving twerking. Or, more specifically, an embarrassing old white lady attempt at twerking.

Dentist Monica, said Attempted Twerker, tells some conovluted story about her niece teaching her to twerk (or attempting to teach her to attempt to twerk) and how she promised that she wouldn’t do it in public but then ended up doing it on national television.

Thoughts and prayers to Dentist Monica’s niece.

As for Nurse Gerri, she offers up SO MUCH INFORMATION about her Mile High Club experience that I am not sure she needed to share? But apparently, she and her husband were the last people at their wedding reception, so on the plane to their honeymoon, she told him to get into that bathroom; she wasn’t going to be robbed of her wedding night.

So much information no one asked for!

Handsy Nicolle then comments on Mel’s shoe size (14 1/2), which, yeah, noted, but I’ve also seen how that man walks. What’s the point of a big instrument if you can’t play it?

Oh, and some audience members made lemon bars for everyone, which no thank you please.

We then turn to the “hot seat” portion of the show:

First up is Dirt Bike Cheryl, who cries after watching her montage. She recalls the Queen Mary date and how special it was, and that she was confident that she might have found “her man.” She wonders what she could have done differently, and worries that she allowed the other women to move in on him while watching from afar. Maybe she should have kissed him more?

Jesse Palmer then reveals that SURPRISE! her son and granddaughters are in the audience. Son calls Dirt Bike Cheryl his “hero,” and the granddaughters tell Jesse Palmer that YEAH OF COURSE IT WAS WEIRD TO WATCH THEIR GRANDMA DATE ON TV, HOW DO YOU THINK IT WAS FOR THEM?

Next on the couch is Jazzercise Debbie, who also cries over this damp biscuit. Jazzercise Debbie explains that it was a rollercoaster ride and that she allowed herself to feel hopeful again. She wishes she had more time with Mel (why?) and that she thinks they had so much more to say to one another.

Jesse Palmer asks her about the People Magazine shoot where she wore a bridal gown for the first time (it was an embellished slip, but sure) and she gets all emotional about how the other women encouraged her to wear it.

Jazzercise Debbie goes on to say that she and Mel had natural chemistry and that they had fun together. Ultimately, she’s just proud of herself for putting herself out there.

Mel Owens finally comes on the stage, lumbering along in his stupid orthopedic shoes. Jesse Palmer asks him what it was like to date 23 women, and Mel explains that it wasn’t anything that he expected. He was nervous in the beginning, but then it became more and more difficult as the process went along, having to eliminate the women he had gotten to know and who had touched his heart. It’s pablum straight from the Bachelor script that you have literally heard dozens of times.

Puppeteer Terri tells Mel that even though they didn’t quite connect, he treated the women with respect and kindness.

Dirt Bike Cheryl calls Mel an “amazing man” who taught her that she could be in a fairy tale, and that she wishes she had been braver with him. In response — and to Mel’s credit, which I give belligerently — he tells her she is brave for having shared her story, a story that he will never forget. And he commends her for raising her family as a single mother.

Handsy Nicolle assures Mel that her feelings were genuine while attempting and failing to squeeze some tears out.

Mel tells her she has a “great personality” (lol) and wishes her nothing but the best.

Jazzercise Debbie, somewhat heartbreakingly, asks Mel if the reason he dumped her was that she was the only one who had never been married or had children. But Mel assured her that it never crossed his mind.

Finally, My Choice for Golden Bachelorette, Charo-andra, asks Mel if he will introduce her to one of his friends. I just love her.

And then we revisit the Roast for some reason? Honestly, the best material was used in the episode (Flight Attendant Monica should look into doing some open mics), but that doesn’t stop the producers from bringing Jared Freid to the Bachelor Studio to talk about the “lemon bar baking in [his] pants.”

And after that unnecessary montage, we receive a sneak peek at the finale to close out this wholly unnecessary reunion.

See you in Antigua!

Here are the ladies who have been eliminated along with their very not good nicknames:

Here are the women along with their dumb nicknames who are still “dating” Mel:

The Golden Bachelor streams on Hulu.

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