Let’s look at the pretty dummies who will be on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ this season to distract us from the fact that everything is officially shit. Officially.

ABC released photos of the Bachelor in Paradise contestants (at least the first arrivals), so let’s look at their pictures instead of thinking about what kind of Republic of Gilead hellscape we’ll be living in within 10 years thanks to Justice Kennedy retiring and handing control of the Supreme Court to DONALD MOTHERFUCKING TRUMP.

nick bip
NICK SPETSAS
(Becca)
david bip
DAVID RAVITZ
(Becca)
jordan bip
JORDAN KIMBALL
(Becca)
eric bip
ERIC BIGGER
(Rachel)
kenny bip
KENNY LAYNE
(Rachel)
joe bip
JOE AMABILE
(Becca)
kevin bip
KEVIN WENDT
The Bachelor Winter Games 
john bip
JOHN GRAHAM
(Becca)
tia bip
TIA BOOTH
(Arie)
annaliese bip
ANNALIESE PUCCINI
(Arie) 
kendall bip
KENDALL LONG
 (Arie) 
astrid bip
ASTRID LOCH
(Nick)
bibiana bip
BIBIANA JULIAN
(Arie) 
krystal bip
KRYSTAL NIELSON
(Arie) 
nysha bip
NYSHA NORRIS
(Arie)
chelsea bip
CHELSEA ROY
(Arie)
angela bip
ANGELA AMEZCUA
(Nick)
wells bip
WELLS ADAMS
Bartender 

Back in 1997, The Simpsons featured a World Cup final between Portugal and Mexico, and if you had asked me in the final moments of the Mexico/Sweden game this morning, as Mexico was having its culo handed to it, I’d have been skeptical. But then South Korea went and eliminated Germany allowing Mexico to advance, and now anything is possible. It should be noted that at this point, the only way Mexico and Portugal will compete would be in the final.

Jerry Seinfeld said he didn’t understand ABC’s firing of Roseanne Barr, saying, “Why would you murder someone who’s committing suicide?” He then –AMAZINGLY– added, “But I never saw someone ruin their entire career with one button push,” Seinfeld said. “That was fresh.”

O RLY?

How The Handmaid’s Tale got [SPOILER] to do a voice cameo.

Facebook is introducing a keyword “snooze” feature to allow you to avoid being spoiled when Game of Thrones returns. (And also to not be triggered if you have to read ONE MORE GODDAMN THING ABOUT DONALD JUJUBEE TRUMP.)

Hodor disapproves.

David Lynch would like to clarify a few things.

Sex Monster News

Terry Crews appeared in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday to advocate for the Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights, and to tell his own story of sexual abuse. The bill would codify certain rights for victims in all 50 states, including having rape kits preserved. WHICH IS A FUCKING TRAVESTY THAT IT DOESN’T ALREADY HAPPEN, Y’ALL. Anyway, I love Terry Crews.

Meanwhile, 50 Cent posted a dumb cheap meme about Crews on Instagram: “The Instagram post included an image of shirtless Crews with the words ‘I got raped. My wife just watched.’ It also featured a second photo of Crews in a suit with a rose in his mouth with the words ‘Gym time.'” 50 Cent has since taken it down and Crews has taken the high road.

Rashida Jones and Donald Glover teamed up to make this Time’s Up PSA about workplace harassment:

In that same interview where he said that Trump could turn out to be “one of the greatest presidents,” David Lynch also talked about the #MeToo moment, saying that the accusations are “tricky business.” But his comments are more nuanced than that headline would lead you to believe — his thoughts are about the nature of separating the art from the artist, questions that I don’t know that any of us who have given the issue a lot of thought have answers for. So, yeah, it is “tricky business.”

Speaking of nuance, a former girlfriend of Chris Hardwick’s, Jacinda Barrett, posted this in defense of her ex:

But as this excellent piece details, the whole situation is more complicated than Barrett makes it out to be in a flip Instagram post:

I don’t know what went down between Dykstra and Hardwick, neither does Hearst or Barrett or Hardwick’s employers or anyone else, really. Relationships between two people are like that. There isn’t always evidence. It is often he said/she said. And for too long that meant that there was no semblance of any kind of “due process” available to women. There was only skepticism. But thanks to #MeToo, that’s starting to change — and for the first time people are starting to truly listen. People are starting to believe! The fact that we’re even having this conversation is proof that progress is being made, but the responses to allegations like these are bound to be imperfect. Even extreme in some cases. This is new territory — the idea that it’s OK to talk about what goes on behind closed doors, and that women might be believed, that emotional manipulation or sexual coercion are even abusive behaviors at all, and that men might actually face some sort of consequences for their misconduct — and we’re all confronting it together. I mean, I personally may think that AMC was right to put Hardwick’s talk show on hold, but I’m not going call that an act of fairness — I’m fairly certain it was less a moral judgment and more a ditch effort to stave off bad press. When it comes to employers, each one is reinventing the wheel to some extent, and their process is obscure. We don’t know what Amazon’s investigation into Jeffrey Tambor entailed, but we know the result: they cut him from Transparent. And the reality is that while men like Hardwick and Tambor are starting to face career repercussions over accusations like these, the flipside has long been the case: that women who tried to stand up for themselves, women who were assaulted and spoke out, also faced repercussions.

Hell, Dykstra was (allegedly) blacklisted over a break-up.

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Hey, we know when BoJack Horseman returns:

R.I.P.

Joe Jackson, Patriarch (and monster) of the Jackson family

WATCH THIS

The Real Housewives of New York City: Luann deals with the press. 8 p.m., Bravo

Big Brother: Bring in the dummies. Season premiere. 7 p.m., CBS

The Expanse: The third season finale, and last episode before it moves to Amazon. 8:45 p.m., Syfy

NOVA: “Rise of the Superstorms” — a look at Hurricanes Harvey, Irma and Maria, the devastation they wrought and what they can tell us about future storms. 8 p.m., PBS

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Ice Cube, Dale Earnhardt Jr., the Internet Late Night with Seth Meyers: Hugh Grant, Kyrie Irving, Tim Robinson The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Paul Rudd, Ken Jeong, Florence + The Machine The Daily Show: Janet Mock The Opposition with Jordan Klepper: Kim Gordon Watch What Happens Live: Ramona Singer, Willie Geist

WEDS. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Goldbergs
(repeat)
The Goldbergs
(repeat)
Modern Family
(repeat)
American Housewife
(repeat)
Shark Tank
(repeat)
CBS Big Brother
(new)
Code Black
(new)
CW Supergirl
(repeat)
The Originals
(repeat)
Local
FOX MasterChef
(new)
Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell
(new)
News/Local
NBC Ellen’s Game of Games
(repeat)
World of Dance
(repeat)
Reverie
(new)
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2 thoughts on “Let’s look at the pretty dummies who will be on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ this season to distract us from the fact that everything is officially shit. Officially.

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