In which ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ fills a bunch of time with some boring nonsense.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Sweet Georgia Jayne”
March 7, 2017

Filler. Filler filler filler filler.

Filler filler. Filler. Filler filler filler filler.

Filler filler.

Are we done here?

FINE. I’LL RECAP THIS BORING-ASS EPISODE. BUT YOU CAN’T MAKE ME LIKE IT.

Erika and Eileen meet for lunch because if this show is going to be paying Eileen a salary, they have to give her something to do. Erika explains to Eileen that she’s going to Georgia to visit her mother and see her in perform in some community theater play or in a piano recital, I’m not really sure.

They also briefly talk about Rinna confessing remembering that she said that Kim was a total drunk thisclose to death, and they agree that it took courage for Rinna to do so and everyone hopes that is the end of that. There is no possible way it is.

Kyle and Dorit also meet for lunch, where Dorit is sporting new bangs which I only mention because they mysteriously go missing in the next scene. How do bangs just go missing? WHITHER THE BANGS? IS ANYTHING EVEN REAL?

Anyway, the long and short of it is Dorit is skeptical of Rinna’s sincerity regarding Kim, Kyle is willing to give her a chance. Or at least she says she is.

At PINK HOUSE, Lisa points out the VanderObvious to Grandpa Ken: It’s weird that Kyle seems to be angrier at Eden for repeating what Rinna said than she is at Rinna for saying it in the first place. IT IS WEIRD. And it’s even VanderWeirder that Kim is mad at Lisa for just hearing about it from Eden.

Meanwhile, Lisa Rinna drinks smoothies at yells at her dog.

Later, Kyle has a book party or a wine party, some kind of party for social media creature, The Fat Jewish. No one seems to understand why or what or who or why. The only things you need to know about this party:

1. Rinna does not attend The Fat Jewish party on account of a stomach bug, despite having posted a photograph of herself shoe shopping earlier in the day.
2. Erika compliments Dorit’s bangless new haircut, only to have Dorit claim it is the first nice thing Erika has ever said to her. It is not. Erika is irritated.
3. Lisa Vanderpump invites Dorit and Erika to join her and Kyle on a trip to Hong Kong to make a dog documentary. Erika promptly invites Eileen to Lisa’s VanderIrritation. Eden invites herself.
4. Kyle receives a lap dance from a shirtless Fat Jewish.

Sometime later, Lisa has Dorit, Erika and Kyle over for some VanderSalad. Something about Pandora and Mr. Pandora are marketing a a new rosé wine? Don’t VanderKnow. Don’t VanderCare.

The point is, Dorit greets Erika with a much too enthusiastic, much too long hug (see image above). Later, when the ladies discuss the trip to Hong Kong, and the question of whether or not Rinna will be/should be invited, Dorit mentions that she would not trust Rinna with her “innermost secrets.” Erika counters that she shouldn’t trust anyone with her innermost secrets, except maybe her husband, and Dorit is taken aback. This leads to a discussion of how different the two women are until Erika is like, “you’re boring me, I gotta go, bye.”

Oh, and Kim’s daughter had her baby boy in front of what it sounds like was a crowd of thousands. His name is “Hucksley.”

Kyle swings by her sister’s new condo to drop off some baby presents and look at some pictures and to tell her sister that she is going to Hong Kong with all of these women, including Eden and Rinna and Kim is like, “Better you than me.”

Meanwhile, Rinna stops by what will become VanderPets so that Lisa can Vandervite her to come to Hong Kong with them — but only on the condition that Rinna give Vanderpump her fake lashes. Rinna happily complies, and Lisa wonders how else she can Vanderipulate her.

Finally, we travel along with Erika and a miniature version of her glam squad to visit her mother in Georgia where we gawk at pictures of a teenaged Erika (who was quite lovely), meet Erika’s mother’s fiance for a hot second, learn about Erika’s grandmother’s struggle with Alzheimer’s, listen as Erika bitches about how hard her teenaged single mother was on her when she was a kid, and cry at Erika’s grandparents’ gravesite.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo on Tuesdays at 8/9 p.m. and will take a glass of that rosé, ok thanks.