If you haven’t already met these dumb yahoos, I made a gallery of the Bachelorette contestants for Chron.com the other day. If you people love me, you’ll start sending me box wine or Spec’s gift cards right now. I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS SHIT:
Here’s a mush-mouthed piece on how they recruited the most diverse cast ever that does not actually reveal anything at all. Oh, you looked for the best people you could find? Enlightening.
Apparently, Bachelorette Rachel is engaged to one of these chuckleheads. My condolences.
In Other TV News
This is a reminder that 12 Monkeys returns tonight, and Syfy is doing a binge of it all weekend.
And this is a very long piece that should serve as a reminder that Twin Peaks returns this weekend , too. Here is a piece about Fire Walk With Me, one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.
David Lynch didn’t watch all of the second season of Twin Peaks either.
Bust out the tuna, Oh, Hello is coming to Netflix!
Ryan Murphy being all cryptic and shit:
The Walking Dead is never going to die.
Johnny Depp is offering to play Trump for SNL. Pass. And I know he did one for Funny or Die. Still, pass.
Oh, lordt, they are shopping Last Man Standing around. HARD PASS.
Those fuckers in the Trump administration are trying to pull back the net neutrality rules. If you enjoy streaming services, here’s why you don’t want that.
News News
- Fox News just fired Bob Beckel after being accused of saying something racist to an African-American employee. Meanwhile, Jesse Watters is still gainfully employed by Fox News.
- Shep Smith teared up in a tribute to Roger Ailes. To be fair to Shep, Ailes defended him when someone tried to extort him, threatening to expose him as gay. Also, too, Shep is a man and was never sexually harassed by Ailes.
- Bill O’Reilly claims that “hate” is what killed Ailes. Yeah, I damn well agree and hope so.
- Meanwhile, Ailes’ death is going to complicate some of the lawsuits that Fox is facing.
- So, on Tuesday, Tucker Carlson had a New York politician on his show who is sponsoring a bill that would force Donald Trump to release his tax returns or lose contracts with the City of New York. In response, Tucker Carlson bitched about how dirty Penn Station is. Which, what? And that’s when the homophobic calls started flooding the politician’s phone lines. So many cool things about this whole story.
Renewals
- HBO renewed Animals for a third season.
Cancellations
- Hulu has cancelled East Los High after only one season.
In Development
- Lifetime has greenlit Cocaine Godmother, starring Catherine Zeta Jones.
Casting News
- Well, this is unexpected: Lin-Manuel Miranda is joining the reboot of DuckTales.
- Jennifer Westfeldt is joining the cast of Younger.
WATCH THIS
FRIDAY
The Keepers: This series looking into the murder of a nun might be your new Making a Murderer. Netflix
12 Monkeys: This is back and Syfy is basically binging it over the course of three days, so make sure your DVR has room. Season premiere (finale will be on Sunday). Syfy
Toy Box: Two-hour season finale. 7 p.m., ABC
Undercover Boss: Season finale. 7 p.m., CBS
SATURDAY
Saturday Night Live: Dwayne Johnson & Katy Perry 10:30 p.m., NBC
The Wizard of Lies: The Bernie Madoff movie starring Robert DeNiro. 7 p.m., HBO
Training Day: Series finale. 8 p.m., CBS
SUNDAY
Twin Peaks: IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN. Series premiere. 8 p.m., Showtime
2017 Billboard Music Awards: Musicians are given prizes. 7 p.m., ABC
Bob’s Burgers: Season finale. 6:30 p.m., Fox
The Simpsons: In the season finale, dogs’ lives are found to be more valuable than humans’. True. 7 p.m., Fox
Making History: Series finale. 7:30 p.m., Fox
Family Guy: Season finale. 8 p.m., Fox
Madam Secretary: Russia is acting like an asshole in the season finale. 8 p.m., CBS
Into the Badlands: Season finale. 8 p.m., AMC
Shades of Blue: Season finale. 8 p.m., NBC
Elementary: Season finale. 9 p.m., NBC
American Gods: So, Laura. 8 p.m., Starz
Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Katy Perry, Josh Charles, Al Madrigal The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Jennifer Garner, Demetri Martin, Paula Poundstone Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Terrence Howard, Iggy Azalea
| FRI. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | The Toy Box (new) |
20/20 (new) |
| CBS | Undercover Boss (new) |
I Love Lucy Special (new) |
Blue Bloods (repeat) |
| CW | The Originals (new) |
Reign (new) |
Local |
| FOX | Maid in Manhattan (new) |
Local |
| NBC | First Dates (new) |
Dateline NBC (new) |
—
| SAT. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 | 10:00 | 10:30 | 11:00 | 11:30 |
| ABC | American Housewife (repeat) |
Downward Dog (repeat) |
20/20 (repeat) |
20/20 (repeat) |
News/Local |
| CBS | NCIS: New Orleans (repeat) |
Training Day (new) |
48 Hours (new) |
News/Local |
| FOX | MLB: Rangers at Tigers (live) |
News/Local |
| NBC | Stanley Cup Playoffs (live) |
Saturday Night Live (repeat) |
News/Local | Saturday Night Live (Dwayne Johnson & Katy Perry) |
—
| SUN. | 6:00 | 6:30 | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | America’s Funniest Home Videos (repeat) |
Billboard Music Awards (live) |
| CBS | 60 Minutes (new) |
60 Minutes (new) |
Madam Secretary (new) |
Elementary (new) |
| FOX | Bob’s Burgers (repeat) |
Bob’s Burgers (new) |
The Simpsons (new) |
Making History (new) |
Family Guy (new) |
Local/News |
| NBC | Dateline NBC | Shades of Blue (new) |