foolish watcher

Oh hey, the White House wants Jimmy Kimmel fired again because they don’t understand how jokes work

Therese Odell
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He’s not a Doberman, he’s a Doberbaby.

@honkifyoulovemydog

Cowboy the guard dog 💗💗 #dogs #doberman #funnydog #dogsofttiktok his harness is from @BullyBillows

♬ Dramatic accompaniment for a scene like a groping battle(1528922) – Yuki Hotta

Here’s A BUNCH OF TV News

Right, so. You don’t need me to tell you that on Saturday, President Media Hater was attending his first ever White House Correspondents’ Dinner as President. The dinner is an annual event that is held by the White House Correspondents Association (and NOT the White House — a distinction that will become important in a moment), and it has traditionally taken place at the Washington Hilton.

This year, early into the evening, a man managed to breach security outside of the ballroom where the dinner was being held. Shots were fired, and the suspect was detained before he was able to enter the ballroom itself. Nevertheless, President Fatty and his administration were shuffled off to safety, while the press were ordered to get down. Though the president of the WHCA suggested the dinner would go on, security personnel soon cleared the ballroom, canceling the event. The suspect, Cole Thomas Allen, was arrested and charged with “using a firearm during a crime of violence, transportation of a firearm in interstate commerce with intent to commit a felony, and attempting to assassinate a United States president.”

President Narcissist soon held a press conference at the White House, where he insisted this is the reason the ballroom should be built — that the White House ballroom would be vastly more secure than, say, the Washington Hilton. This begs a number of questions, including: Does this mean that if the ballroom is built, the President will never leave the White House? Will all presidential events have to take place only in this ballroom? Will he never attend an MMA match again? But also, it needs to be pointed out that the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is not a White House event; it’s a press association event to which the President is invited. It would be improper for a number of reasons for the event to be held in the White House, as they aren’t the host.

President Obama spoke out against all political violence:

President Narcissist then sat down for an interview with Norah O’Donnell on 60 Minutes, mostly to yell at us that our eyes were lying when we saw him fall down when the Secret Service rushed him out of the ballroom. (He totally fell down.)

He also got BIG MAD when O’Donnell read from the suspect’s manifesto:

“The so-called manifesto is a stunning thing to read, Mr. President. He appears to reference a motive in it. He writes this quote, ‘Administration officials, they are targets.’ And he also wrote this, ‘I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes.’ What’s your reaction to that?”

“Well, I was waiting for you to read that because I knew you would because you’re … horrible people. Horrible people. Yeah, he did write that. I’m not a rapist. I didn’t rape anybody.”

O’Donnell asked Trump whether he thought the suspect was referring to him.

Trump responded, “I’m not a pedophile. You read that crap from some sick person? I got associated with … stuff that has nothing to do with me. I was totally exonerated. Your friends on the other side of the plate are the ones that were involved with, lets say, Epstein or other things. But I said to myself, ‘You know, I’ll do this interview and they’ll probably’ — I read the manifesto. You know, he’s a sick person. But you should be ashamed of yourself reading that because I’m not any of those things.”

Trump called O’Donnell a “disgrace,” and said she shouldn’t be reading the manifesto on the show.

Oh, and did I mention that the interview with O’Donnell was heavily edited, despite the fact that CBS News chose to settle a lawsuit brought by President Lawfare in which he accused them of editing an interview with Kamala Harris? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

And then there’s the whole Jimmy Kimmel of it all. On Thursday, Kimmel did a satirical bit where he imagined himself hosting the White House Correspondents’ Dinner (which I posted here). One of his jokes was, “And of course, our first lady, Melania, is here. Look at—so beautiful. Mrs. Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow.”

Now, a reasonable person reads this as a joke about the OLDEST PRESIDENT WE’VE EVER HAD being, well, old. But Melania decided to read this as an actual threat and demanded that Jimmy Kimmel be fired by ABC.

Her husband followed suit and also called for Kimmel to be fired, because of course he did.

And then Press Secretary Karoline Levitt claimed that Kimmel’s jokes about President Dementia are “indistinguishable” from the suspect’s manifesto.

Oh, and of course, the FCC is making threats against Kimmel again, claiming they are going to “review” Disney’s broadcasting licenses. This time, though, Disney doesn’t seem very worried.

And a bunch of people came out to publicly stand with Kimmel: George Clooney; Gayle King; and Jane Fonda’s organization, for starters.

As for Kimmel, he responded on Monday with maturity: “It was a very light roast joke about the fact that he’s almost 80 and she’s younger than I am. It was not by any stretch of the definition a call to assassination. And they know that,” Kimmel said. “I’ve been very vocal for many years speaking out against gun violence, in particular. But I understand that the First Lady had a stressful experience over the weekend. And probably every weekend is pretty stressful in that house. And also, I agree that hateful and violent rhetoric is something we should reject. I do. And I think a great place to start to dial that back would be to have a conversation with your husband about it.”

He’s not going anywhere.

Overshadowed by EVERYTHING ELSE that happened this weekend was the fancy dinner that David Ellison hosted in honor of the First Amendment President Booger Eater. But sure, none of the things that have been going on at Paramount and Warner Bros. has been political.

I’m going to spoiler font this a little because unless you’re caught up with the most recent episode of The Boys, this will be a pretty big spoiler, but creator Eric Kripke would very much like the White House to slow down a little. Scroll over the white parts to reveal:

“The five seasons has been the slow descent into madness for Homelander, and this season we thought, ‘Well, let’s take him the craziest he could possibly get,’ which is he decided that he wants to be a god,” Kripke said. “I thought that was the craziest thing that could ever potentially happen, until Trump released an image of himself as God 48 hours before we aired. Can I just say, they’re making it really hard to do satire. Slow down for one f*cking minute and let us be more absurd than the world? That would be great.”

Speaking of The Boys, here’s a good little breakdown of the meaning of the Supes’ names, in case you’ve missed them.

Everybody STAND DOWN: With the help of a fan, Bravo figured out who the Summer House Reunion leak was.

Adam Scott knows how Severance ends, but he’s not telling.

OK, Michelle Rodriguez or Cynthia Watros, whichever one of you Harold Perrineau is talking about here, stop being a weirdo. IT’S NOT HIS FAULT YOU WERE WRITTEN OFF OF LOST.

Donnie Wahlberg offered to give back half of his salary to guarantee that Boston Blue would be filmed in Boston because he’s just that Boston.

They may not be working on SNL together anymore, but the Please Don’t Destroy boys will be touring this summer.

Alex Jones continues to be a normal guy having a normal day.

Get well soon, Samuel Monroe Jr.

Heal quickly, Brandon Armstrong.

Hoping Kristen Storms is doing OK and that this is just some sort of misunderstanding.

Love is dead, and this man needs to watch his step.

Well, maybe love isn’t entirely dead. 

#MeToo

Lorrayne Mavromatis, a former executive at MrBeast’s company, Beast Industries, is suing for sexual harassment and discrimination after being fired upon returning from maternity leave. Beast Industries claims this is merely a “shakedown.”

A new lawsuit against Michael Jackson’s estate claims that he repeatedly sexually abused a trio of siblings.

Russell Brand admits he had sex with a 16-year-old child when he was 30.

Nathan Chasing Horse has been sentenced to life in prison for 13 charges of sexually abusing Indigenous women and girls.

Wait, the singer accused of raping and murdering a 14-year-old child had a bunch of child pornography on his phone? I’m shocked.

Lisa Kudrow accuses the male writing staff of Friends of being utterly brutal and revealed that the female actress knew the writers would share sexual fantasies about them. 

Kansas City Chiefs assistant coach Dave Merritt was arrested for domestic battery, accused of causing bodily harm to a daughter.

Stephen A. Smith out here being inappropriate at worst, unprofessional at best on his ESPN show. 

Katie Couric is decidedly not on Team Matt Lauer.

Mara Wilson recalls finding fake child sexual abuse images of herself when she was only 12. The world is a nightmare.

Evan Rachel Wood continues to be intimidated after accusing Marilyn Manson of abusing her. 

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here. 

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

R.I.P.

Dylan Carter, The Voice contestant on the 24th season

Mariclare Costello, Actress who appeared in The Waltons, Ironside, Kojak, Little House on the Prairie, Lou Grant, Murder She Wrote, Santa Barbara, Chicago Hope, Judging Amy, along with many Broadway productions and some films

Ralph Gunderman, Voice actor who was the announcer on Dateline and worked on The Late Show with David Letterman

Steve Maslow, Oscar-winning sound mixer on The Empire Strikes Back, Speed, and Raiders of the Lost Ark, among many others

John Hockridge, Assistant Director on Tommy Boy, Ghost, Wayne’s World, 50 First Dates, and many others

David Fantle, Hollywood historian

Gerry Conway, Marvel and DC writer who helped create Punisher, Jason Todd, and Firestorm

Nedra Talley Ross, Member of The Ronettes

Pam Masters, Former head of presentation at Channel 4 and BBC

WATCH THIS

R.J. Decker: R.J. recruits his inner circle to take down Victor Ochoa in the season finale. 8 p.m., ABC

My Killer Father: The Green Hollow Murders: A woman comes forward to reveal a horrifying secret about her father in this new true crime docuseries. Paramount+

Meet the Parents & Meet the Fockers: Focker-in-Law won’t come out until November, but until then …  9:10 p.m., Starz West

Late Night:

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Will Trent
(new)		 R.J. Decker
(new)		 High Potential
(repeat)
CBS NCIS
(new)		 NCIS: Origins
(new)		 NCIS: Sydney
(new)
CW WWE NXT
(new)		 Local
FOX Farmer Wants a Wife
(new)		 Bear Grylls is Running Wild
(new)		 News/Local
NBC NBA Playoffs
(live)
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