I’m reupping this for the last weekend of hate-blog voting. Vote now or forever hold your peace about which shitty show your fellow foolish watchers chose to torture me with:
First, you chose The Orville, which turned out to be one of the most infuriating television series I’ve ever had the misfortune of having watched. What are you even trying to do with this show: be a potty-humor-filled spoof of a space opera or be a Very Serious Sci-Fi Drama that makes Very Serious Social Commentary? PICK A LANE SETH MACFARLANE. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, PAL.
Then last year you chose Manifest, which began as an intriguing mystery box drama: ooh … what happened to this plane and why did it go missing for five years? but then quickly devolved into an inconsistent, distracted mess with insufferably boring family subplots before eventually settling into complete and utter batshittery:
And yet despite this, despite you all making TWO VERY POOR CHOICES, I have decided to once again place my fate in your hands and invite you lunatics to choose a new one-hour drama series you would like to torture me with me to blog this season.
The good news for me is that the networks’ offerings this season range from “I mean, it’s not my thing but I’m sure it’s fine” to “well, that looks familiar but it could be fun, maybe.” While looking at these trailers, I’m tempted to say there’s nothing here that I am going to hate the way I hated Manifest and The Orville. But the truth is I have learned my lesson that if there is a show that will piss me off, you people will find it.
Meet this year’s hate blog contenders:
All Rise: She’s a young new judge here to shake things up and SERVE JUSTICE. Category: Legal drama with heart. (CBS, September 23)
Almost Family: A young woman learns that her fertility specialist father is not the miracle worker everyone thinks he is, but used his own sperm to impregnate dozens of women and that she has countless siblings out in the world. Category: Family dramedy with heart. (Fox, October 2)
Batwoman: It’s sexy androgynous Batwoman. Category: Superhero. (The CW, October 6)
Bluff City Law: Jimmy Smitts and his daughter are lawyers who specialize in civil rights cases and deliver powerful self-righteous speeches. Category: Legal drama with heart. (NBC, September 23)
Emergence: Allison Tolman stars as a small-town police chief who takes in a mysterious girl who survived a plane crash. Weird shit begins happening. Category: Paranormal series that feels familiar because it’s Stranger Things but in the present day. (ABC, September 24)
Evil: A skeptical psychologist teams up with a priest and another guy to investigate supernatural stuff. Category: Paranormal series that feels familiar because it’s X-Files but without the FBI. (CBS, October 9)
Nancy Drew: Girl detective investigates a murder in her sexy gothic hometown. Category: Sexy teen mystery drama. (The CW, October 9)
Prodigal Son: A criminal profiler is the son of a brilliant and notorious serial killer whom he consults on his cases, BUT HE IS SO CONFLICTED, YOU GUYS. Category: Crime series that feels familiar because it’s Hannibal with an Oedipal complex. (Fox, September 23)
Stumptown: Lady detective solves crimes and has a complicated personal life. Category: Sassy lady crime dramedy. (ABC, September 25)
Well, what’s it going to be, chickens? I’m going to keep the polls open until the official start of the fall television schedule which begins in three weeks from today, so I invite you to vote early and vote often:
Take Our PollWATCH THIS
Bachelor in Paradise: John Paul Jones vs. Derek, round 2. 7 p.m., ABC
Untouchable: A documentary about the rise and fall of that pig Harvey Weinstein. Hulu
Steven Universe: The Movie: The feature-length movie is proceeded by a marathon of Steven Universe episodes which begins at 5 a.m. 5 p.m., Cartoon Network
Investigation Discovery True-Crime Marathon: The ID network is going to be airing all-new true-crime specials all day today 4p.m.,
| MON. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | Bachelor in Paradise (new) |
Grand Hotel (new) |
| CBS | The Neighborhood (repeat) |
The Big Bang Theory (repeat) |
Young Sheldon (repeat) |
Mom (repeat) |
Bull (repeat) |
| CW | Penn & Teller: Fool Us (repeat) |
Whose Line is it Anyway? (repeat) |
Whose Line is it Anyway? (repeat) |
Local |
| FOX | So You Think You Can Dance (new) |
News/Local |
| NBC | American Ninja Warrior (new) |
Dateline (new) |