foolish watcher

‘Bachelor in Paradise’: The politics of Paradise

Therese Odell
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Bachelor in Paradise
August 18, 2025

As we begin the episode, we are reminded that the game has officially changed: finding love is great, but you know what’s even cooler?

Time for the next “chemistry test.” Hannah Brown arrives and explains that one of the most important elements in a relationship is communication, and they are going to test that in a competition called “Treasure Hunk,” which is the dumbest possible play on “treasure hunt.”

The idea is that each couple will take on two roles: one of them will climb inside a giant hidden treasure chest; the other will solve puzzles using clues given by the one inside the chest which will lead them to keys that they can use to unlock said chest. They only have 30 minutes to complete this test, and the couple with the best finishing time will win a date and the first rose. The group will, once again, vote on who goes home, and this time, two couples are on their way back to the United States.

The game is divided into three heats with two couples competing at the same time (but not exactly against one another, as the best time wins). The seekers grab a child’s walkie-talkie whose batteries have been drained, which is connected to their hidden partner’s walkie-talkie which has the broadcasting range of a coconut. The trunk partners then direct the seekers to take a certain number of steps or turn a certain number of degrees to find their first key. This task alone eats 10-15 minutes off of each team because math is hard.

The seekers then proceed to solve a number of puzzles like “find a key under a signal flag,” or “find a key tied to a string with a particular color,” or “find a key under a spigot.”


It’s not exactly challenging, but between the group’s collective low IQ and the shitastic walkie-talkies, only three teams manage to cross the finish line:

  1. Big Check and Christina Aguilera
  2. Overcompensating and Selfie
  3. Starla and Golden Retriever

And when Jesse Palmer finally bothers coming in off the golf course, he announces the winners: Golden Retriever and Starla.

While they celebrate finally going on a date, everyone else PANICS. Cheeky Mummy and Frodo; Too Much and PowerPoint; and Regina George and Clark Griswold, in particular, are feeling vulnerable and begin looking for their passports.

Elsewhere, it’s Overcompensating’s birthday, and they bring in a cake, which, usually, is a bad omen on this show.

But, just to show how much this show has changed, this cake does not end up in the surf, but instead is enjoyed by the contestants with a round of tequila shots and some frollicking in the pool.

It’s like I don’t even recognize this show.

Day 16 of Paradise

The next day, Big Check wakes up with some big ideas. Turns out, Big Check’s dad is a former Republican New York State Assemblyman who was disciplined after sexually harassing an employee, and is currently the Rensselaer County Executive. He has been indicted — and acquitted — on two felony counts, and his aides have been indicted by the FBI for some fishy election shenanigans. All of this political talent on his father’s part has convinced Big Check that he knows from politics — he comes by it naturally! — and he’s going to politick this entire beach to his and Christina Aguilera’s benefit. After all, according to him, they are the smartest, most attractive, and most humble couple in Paradise.

No, really, he literally said that.

To this end, Big Check begins aggressively lobbying the other couples: it’s obvious that Too Much and PowerPoint and Regina George and Clark Griswold are the most vulnerable couples and will be voted out this week, but he wants them to start thinking about what comes next.

This is news to Too Much, who takes Big Check aside and is like, “I hear you’re talking about sending me home this week…” while Big Check is all, “Nuh uh.”

The producers:

Big Check then takes Julia Roberts aside and tries to convince her that she and The One will be next on the chopping block, all the women are saying so.

Julia Roberts:

The bottom line: Big Check is being very pushy, super negative, and rubbing everyone the wrong way with his strategizing. But he’s convinced he’s masterminding everything.

As for everyone else, the question of whom to vote for is more of a philosophical one. As noted, there are three obvious weak couples: Too Much and PowerPoint who are a “strong” romantic couple but who pissed everyone off by being respectful of Selfie and revealing the truth about her shitty partner; and Cheeky Mummy and Frodo; and Regina George and Clark Griswold, both of whom are strictly platonic couples and only playing the game for the money.

So the question is, who do you keep: the couples who are actually making a romantic connection, or the couples who play the game the best? Clark Griswold is all, “The only honorable thing to do is let the couples who are finding love stay here and develop those relationships,” while his partner, Regina George, is like, “WRONG.”

Speaking of couples in relationships, Starla and Golden Retriever go on their date, which involves tantric yoga. Because if there is one kind of date this show can not resist, it’s one that involves the couples in tight exercise clothes, climbing all over each other’s bits and pieces.

Anyway, they tell each other that they are “falling in love” with one another, a crucial step in scaling the Bachelor universe’s relationship pyramid.

Back in Paradise, Big Check is trying to assemble a “Parliament of Paradise” consisting of himself, The One, Accent Guy, and Overcompensating. The One and Overcompensating eventually come and meet him at his secret location, the driveway, where he explains his grand plan: Eliminate Golden Retriever and Starla next.

The One is underwhelmed.

Golden Retriever and Starla return to Paradise, and Accent Guy immediately tattles to his roommate that Big Check is scheming to eliminate him and Starla since he believes they are the strongest couple.

Golden Retriever is almost amused because 1. Big Check is right, they are the strongest couple, but 2. the moment Starla’s name came out of Big Check’s mouth, he was done.

Elsewhere, Christina Aguilera happens to walk into a room where Llama Drama and Selfie are clearly discussing Big Check’s machinations, and she is SO HURT. They were HER FRIENDS and SHE LOVES THEM and HOW DARE THEY TALK ABOUT HER AND BIG CHECK even though Big Check was actively scheming to eliminate their other friends?

2 Hours Until the Vote

So, it’s Cocktail Party time — or really, Desperate Strategy Time.

To that end, Big Check takes Golden Retriever aside to tell him that he might have heard that he was plotting against him, but it’s only because he’s such a good competitor, man! Golden Retriever puts on his best doofiest golden retriever face and is like, “Yep! I totally trust you!” (He does not totally trust him.)

Also, Too Much takes Overcompensating aside to once again beg his forgiveness for being the only person in Paradise to actually give a shit about Selfie and her feelings. The thing is, he’s really sorry he was a stand-up guy, and if he could do it all over again, he would totally screw Selfie over. For “bro code” or whatever.

The producers make a choice and play a rip-off Godfather score over this conversation, because, you see, Too Much is an Italian from Jersey New York. And as an Italian-American, I AM OFFENDED. How dare you make a cheap mafia joke just because this guy is straight from the Jersey Shore reject pile? Only I can call Italian-American reality TV characters “Meatball” or “Gabagool” and throw around a few cheap “marrones” and “bafungools” around here. Anyone else does it and IT’S A RACISM.

As for Christina Aguilera, she tearfully informs her partner, Big Check, that his Big Plans are Big Backfiring. Accent Guy doesn’t trust him, Golden Retriever doesn’t trust him, and when she spoke to his “best friend,” Julia Roberts, and made a comment about her being friends with Big Check, Julia Roberts gave her a look that suggested … otherwise.

So Big Check confronts Julia Roberts over this, and she’s like, “My guy, you are going out of your way to make people question your character and integrity.” Big Check points out that he’s been her one defender after her bonkers performance on Bachelor in Paradise last time. Big Check goes on to explain that his plan protects her moving forward, but she insists that she doesn’t need his protection. This is a new season, this is a new Paradise, this is a new Julia Roberts. She again tells him that he’s coming off “shady.” Big Check is deeply offended by this and yells at her that he always tells “you to your fucking face” exactly how he feels.

Pause here: because when Big Check uses “you” here, I’m genuinely not sure if he’s using a specific “you” meaning Julia Roberts, or a generic “you” meaning everyone. It could be a generic “you,” in which case, he is not cursing Julia Roberts out, but instead merely using the expletives for emphasis.

But it doesn’t much matter what he intended, because Julia Roberts storms off, straight to The One where she tells him that Big Check yelled and swore at her. And that, friends, is the final nail in Big Check’s coffin. He tries to run around and establish support from others in Paradise for a while, but he, and we, all know where this is going.

Line up, Los Estupidos:

Starla: Golden Retriever
Llama Drama: Accent Guy
Selfie: Overcompensating
Julia Roberts: The One
Regina George: Clark Griswold

But before we can get to our final rose, Christina Aguilera interrupts Jesse Palmer and asks to say something. She tells the assembled that she and Big Check came to Paradise to find love, and they are not willing to compromise their character or integrity. As such, they’ve decided to leave Paradise ON THEIR OWN TERMS, because that’s more valuable than anything money can ever buy.

~Pause for applause~

~No applause~

Big Check smugly adds that they just “voted off the strongest couple here,” which, by his own logic, would be a good thing? But whatevs, dude! As he takes Christina Aguilera’s hand to leave, he tells The One that he “loves” him, but then turns to Julia Roberts and warns her to not call him “when this one ends.”

Everyone else in Paradise:

Before they resume the Rose Ceremony, Jesse Palmer is like, “Don’t worry, y’all voted them off anyway.”

But the final rose goes to:

Frodo: Cheeky Mummy

Which means, unsurprisingly, we have to say goodbye to Too Much and PowerPoint for the sin of telling the truth.

I mean, Too Much and PowerPoint were never going to make it to the end, but it is kinda amazing that Cheeky Mummy and Frodo are still here, right?


Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays on ABC at 7/8 p.m. and streams on Hulu.

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