HBO Max is bringing the magic with today’s launch with all 8 Harry Potter films

It’s Wednesday.

The hilarious Sarah Cooper has hit the big time: The New York Times interviewed her about her amazing Trump satires.

CNBC’s Andrew Ross Sorkin had it OFFICIALLY with co-anchor Joe Kernan this morning, calling him out for downplaying 100,000 dead to protect his “friend, the president.” YELL AT HIM SOME MORE, ANDREW.

Martin Scorsese has made a short film about his experience with the lockdown. It will premiere on BBC Two on May 28.

Here’s a reminder that most local news stations are not newsrooms, and will read pretty much anything you put in front of them:

MasterChef Australia is one of the first reality shows to be produced during the crisis, and they managed to make social distancing work:

In the Australian version, additional hand sanitizing stations were put in across the set, while the cooking benches were spaced out further to keep contestants further away from each other and gloves were provided for team challenges where equipment was shared as well as when contestants went to get food from the store cupboards. Extra sinks were also added as well as dedicated hand washing stations.

In terms of the judges – this season featuring Andy Allen, Melissa Leong, and Jock Zonfrillo – they stepped up to taste the individually portioned meals and didn’t share cutlery or plates.

Contestants were kept separated, and there were obviously no high-fives and hugs when things went well or badly. The first episode back helped as it was a relay challenge, where the contestants work one after each other, waiting for one cook to finish before stepping in.

However, an example of how seriously producers took the health concerns was the absence of Leong from the episode. She revealed that she had sinusitis and went to the doctors, before being cleared and returning to the set for future episodes.

The ATX Festival … From the Couch has added three HBO shows to the lineup, including A Black Lady Sketch Show, whose running gag in the first season featured four friends quarantined together at the end of the world. It’s true.

 

 

Succession‘s cast is going to have a virtual reunion on June 3.

The French have released a set of safety guidelines for productions once they begin again. Meanwhile, California says it’s working on it, get off their backs.

Andrea Bocelli reports that he has recovered from COVID-19.

Chrissy Teigen giggles her way through a COVID-19 test:

Chris Cuomo, like many people who have had COVID-19, claims he still has “funky stuff” in his blood.

Disney is talking about opening up Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom in Orlando on July 11, and Disney Hollywood Studios on July 15. We’ll see!

J.J. Watt says he’s training like the NFL season is going to happen (but that he’s not sure it will). We’ll see!

IPIC Theaters here in Texas are reopening on June 4. But don’t be counting on those blankets and pillows.

Apple is opening up more stores with an emphasis on curbside delivery.

Game developer Blizzard Entertainment has canceled its annual conference.

Rich people are vain idiots.

This is a wild story about a group of Bolivian orchestra who are stranded in Germany at a 600-year-old castle that is haunted by Frederic the Great and surrounded by a forest that is home to 23 packs of wolves.

And then there’s the Norwegian who won the Iditarod, only to be stranded in Alaska, leaving his wife on the other side of the world with their three children under 10 and their THIRTY-FIVEm dogs. Nope. I’d rather be in the haunted castle, thanks.

President Brain Worm is VERY worked up at the thought that we might be allowed to vote by mail in November because of the pandemic (well, I won’t be allowed to because I live in fucking Texas) and is busy screaming on Twitter that voting by mail is the same thing as voter fraud (except when he does it, obvs). Twitter, already stinging from criticism that it won’t do anything to stop him from spreading harmful and painful conspiracy theories about Joe Scarborough and his former aide, implemented a new tool: a fact check on the tweets. Better late than never, Twitter.

However, they haven’t put a fact check on the Scarborough tweets, so.

As you might imagine, President Infant was NOT HAPPY about this development and is throwing another tantrum, threatening to shut Twitter down.

LOL, OK, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, CHUCK.

Speaking of Joe Scarborough and the bullshit President Tin Foil is spreading about him, it’s become too much for even conservative papers, The Washington Examiner and the Wall Street Journal: “We don’t write this with any expectation that Mr. Trump will stop. Perhaps he even thinks this helps him politically, though we can’t imagine how. But Mr. Trump is debasing his office, and he’s hurting the country in doing so.”

And one Republican senator (the only one with any fucking integrity) has had enough:

As for Scarborough, on Morning Joe this morning, he memorialized Lori Klausutis, his aide who died 19 years ago. May her family be left alone and find some peace.

And then there is the whole mask thing that this asshole is trying to politicize. During a press conference yesterday, a reporter refused to take off his mask and President Dipshit accused him of trying to be “politically correct.” JESUS HOWARD CHRIST. NO, HE’S JUST TRYING TO ABIDE BY HEALTH AND SCIENTIFIC GUIDELINES.

I mean, when Sean Hannity is even talking sense about mask-wearing …

Good News:

You can now get a Star Trek or a SpongeBob face mask and give some money to charity in the process.

Or you can buy a face mask from Jill Zarin’s daughter and help raise money to feed hospital staff.

All Other TV

HBO Max launches today, and surprise! All 8 Harry Potter movies are available on the streamer right now. And don’t forget, this is also the new home of Friends, the DC properties, and Doctor Who. Gauntlet officially thrown, Disney+.

The question is: will HBO Max devour HBO? AT&T putting all of this content on HBO Max suggests that the streamer is now their primary focus, and some are worried that HBO will wither away. The truth is, I suspect that it eventually will. These media companies see the Netflix writing on the wall and know we are rapidly moving towards a future where no one subscribes to expensive cable packages and stream everything. They really have no other choice.

The California Department of Fair Employment and Housing is suing Disney, CBS, and a bunch of producers of Criminal Minds for sexual harassment and discrimination.

The Golden Globes have changed their rules to include anthology series in the Limited Series and Movies Made for Television category. Additionally, thanks to Pedro Pascal in The Mandalorian, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association had to clarify that “voice-only performances are not eligible in any acting category.” (He would have qualified, as he took off the mask in the season finale, but for most of the show, he was masked.)

Quibi has finally made it possible to cast their shows to TVs, at least from iPhones. This is still such a half-baked plan for a streaming service, I swear to God.

NBC and the producers of America’s Got Talent have ended their investigations into Gabrielle Union’s claims of abuse and harassment and have concluded, “Nah.” This is my shocked face.

Here’s Gabrielle Union’s take on the whole thing.

Jimmy Fallon is sorry:

Mads Mikkelsen is teasing us again.

American Horror Story season 10 won’t happen until 2021, but that’s not stopping Ryan Murphy from posting incomprehensible clues on Instagram:

Shinji Aoba, the suspect in the Kyoto Animation fire, has been arrested.

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Love, Victor will premiere on Hulu on June 19.
  • NOS4A2 will return on AMC on June 21.
  • Spelling the Dream will premiere on Netflix on June 3.
  • A Film by Errol Morris will premiere on Showtime soon.

R.I.P.

Larry Kramer, Author and activist

Richard Herd, Character actor

WATCH THIS

HBO Max launches today with 10 new shows:

  • Craftopia
  • Ghosts
  • On the Record
  • Home
  • Legendary
  • Looney Tunes Cartoons
  • Love Life
  • The Not Too Late Show with Elmo
  • Stath Lets Flats
  • Trigonometry

Space Launch Live: America Returns to Space: SpaceX will launch a rocket with two NASA astronauts, sending them to the International Space Station. It will be the first launch with Americans since 2011. 1 p.m., Discovery & Science

Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich: In this documentary, Epstein’s victims are able to share their stories, and the filmmakers explore how the wealthy financier was able to get away with his sex crimes for so long. Premiere Netflix

Game On!: It’s some new celebrity competition show, where celebrities do things like try to kick field goals and do soccer drills. I mean, I guess people are starved for sports right now, so … Series premiere. 7 p.m., CBS

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: The agents are sent back to 1931 in the season premiere. 9 p.m., ABC

Late Night:

  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Howie Mandel

 

WEDS. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Thor: The Dark World Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
(new)
CBS Game On!
(new)
SEAL Team
(repeat)
S.W.A.T.
(repeat)
CW The 100
(new)
Bulletproof
(repeat)
Local
FOX MasterChef
(repeat)
Ultimate Tag
(new)
News/Local
NBC Chicago Med
(repeat)
Chicago Fire
(repeat)
Chicago P.D.
(repeat)
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