Good afternoon — sorry these posts keep coming later and later in the day. Like I said, this was supposed to be Spring Break, this was supposed to be the view I was waking up to every morning:
But instead, I’m dealing with two teenagers and one husband who are all in my workspace (i.e. our house) and as a result, the concept of time no longer has any real meaning.
So, before we get to the only real news of the day, here are a few diversionary stories to take your minds off of the apocalypse for a second or two:
Here are a bunch of travel shows to stream on Hulu if you are still bitter about having to cancel your ski vacation not that I know anyone who is like that.
I don’t really know much about sportsball, but from what I understand, Houston Texans fans are really upset over something that happened yesterday? Maybe this will make them feel better: Tom Brady is leaving the Patriots. Even I know that’s a big fucking deal.
Here, Warming Glow dissects the whole “Let Lizzie McGuire Fuck” controversy and the question of who Disney+’s audience actually is? Is it children or nostalgic adults or is it both and they need to work out a filter system like Netflix has figured out?
In sad news: A production assistant was paralyzed on the set of Batwoman. She’s currently paralyzed from the waist down and awaiting results ofn a surgery. We hope she has a speedy recovery.
Hey! Vote already! What do you have to lose?
All of this continues to be shitty and terrible and scary, so let’s start with a couple of unexpected upsides of the removal of humans:
In Venice, the canals are clear for the first time in … ever:
Here's an unexpected side effect of the pandemic – the water's flowing through the canals of Venice is clear for the first time in forever. The fish are visible, the swans returned. pic.twitter.com/inEOiZ7OWV
— Secret Garden (@SecretGardennxx) March 17, 2020
And because the Shedd Aquarium is closed to visitors, the staff took out a pair of penguins to explore and see the other exhibits. It made me cry happy tears.
oh my god, the chicago aquarium closed due to coronavirus, so they let the penguins run around and check out the other exhibits. (staff was present.) pic.twitter.com/YGa8CugymE
— Evan McMurry (@evanmcmurry) March 16, 2020
MORE PENGUINS. LESS VIRUS.
Also. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson have left the hospital so that’s something to be grateful for. Here’s a wonderful profile of Hanks from a few months ago which might make you ugly cry, but at the very least will remind you that there are genuinely good people out there.
ALRIGHT. ONTO THE SHITNEWS.
TV shows that have been postponed:
- Saturday Night Live
- Jeopardy (FUCKING FINALLY — I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU COMPROMISED ALEX TREBEK …)
- Wheel of Fortune
- The Young and the Restless
- The Bold and the Beautiful
- GMA3: Strahan, Sara & Keke
- The Soup
- Around the World in 80 Days
- Days of Our Lives
And the Fargo premiere has been postponed indefinitely.
I’m screaming that these brothers are literally having an argument on live telly about who’s their mum’s favourite son,amongst an international pandemic I- pic.twitter.com/yn97oldq7a
— jack rem x (@jackremmington) March 17, 2020
Daytime TV has been upended by all of this:
Whoopi Goldberg stayed home from The View (and considering she nearly died of pneumonia last year, probably should have done this a LOT earlier).
Al Roker did the weather from his kitchen on The Today Show:
Craig and Al are out once again out of an abundance of caution after a colleague on our 3rd hour tested positive.
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) March 17, 2020
Pandemic: What You Need to Know will air on ABC instead of GMA3: Strahan, Sara & Keke.
Perhaps my favorite Corvid-19 television story has to be how the casts of Big Brother that happen to be filming at the moment had NO IDEA any of this was happening until this week. In Canada, the cast wondered why there wasn’t a live audience at the eviction episode. The producers decided to update them on the virus after a clip of the cast wondering what the hell was going on went viral on Twitter. And the producers of the German version, Promi Big Brother, announced that they would tell the cast on a live episode to air today. THE TRUMAN SHOW IS REAL.
But hey! The AMC streamer family is doing something good: Sundance Now, Shudder and Acorn TV are all offering 30 days free.
Speaking of sports! The Kentucky Derby has been postponed until September; The Grand Open is also moving to the fall; the Euro 2020 Soccer Tournament has been postponed; the UFC has postponed some, but not all events.
As BoingBoing correctly points out, WWE wrestling without an audience is absurdist theater:
— Gritty (@GrittyNHL) March 17, 2020
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) March 16, 2020
The entire city of San Francisco is on lockdown. Our future? Maybe!
Probably, in fact, if stupid shit keeps happening like evangelical churches keep insisting on staying open.
Oh no, Vanessa Hudgens, no, girl:
— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) March 17, 2020
Also on my shit list: Florida. The entire state of Florida:
DisneyWorld stayed open this past weekend because SURE. ABSOLUTELY. NO PROBLEM THERE.
And while the Daytona cheerleading competition that is featured so prominently in Cheer has been canceled (denying Jerry, La’Darius, Lexi, and Monica another championship), this shit happened at Clearwater Beach:
Now that we’ve gotten through that, let this video of where I am supposed to be right now offer you a moment of zen:
Mark Your Calendar
- Upload will debut on Amazon on May 1.
- Law & Order: SVU will be replaced with NBC News Special Report: Coronavirus Pandemic on Thursday on NBC.
- neXt will debut on Fox “soon.”
- Bosch will return on Amazon on April 17.
- The Midnight Gospel will debut on Netflix on April 20.
- Torn From the Headlines: New York Post Reports will premiere on ID on March 16.
- Casa de Flores will return on Netflix on April 23.
— Con Todo (@contodonetflix) March 17, 2020
- The Walking Dead: The World Beyond will debut on AMC on April 12.
- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power will return on Netflix on May 15.
- Supermarket Stakeout will return on Food Network on March 17.
- Botched will return on E! on April 13.
Stuart Whitman, Actor known for westerns, and a number of TV stints, including Murder She Wrote; Walker Texas Ranger; Knot’s Landing, Fantasy Island among many many others.
Lyle Waggoner, Actor known for The Carol Burnett Show and Wonder Woman
Niall Ferguson’s Networld: In this new series, a historian explains to us that the interconnectivity isn’t a new concept. Series premiere. 7 p.m., PBS
The Conners: Ben shaves his beard. 7 p.m., ABC
Leprechaun marathon: Happy St. Patrick’s Day, you little monsters. 7 p.m., Syfy
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