Disney+ debuted today and it did. not. go. well.

Disney+ launched today, and from what I hear, the first few hours were rough and riddled with technical errors.

Additionally, in order to fit the early seasons of The Simpsons into the widescreen format, Disney has been cropping the image, and as a result, cutting out many visual jokes. People are pissed — just like they were when FX did the same thing. HOW ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS, GUYS? JUST AIR IT IN THE ORIGINAL FORMAT.

And don’t go looking for Thor: Ragnarok, Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War and Ant-Man & The Wasp on Disney+ because they’re still on Netflix.

ABC is moving away from using Live + Same Day viewings to calculate their ratings. Instead, they will use Live+3, Live+7, and Multiplatform+35 (meaning Live + the ratings of delayed viewing after 3 and 7 and even 35 days). Turns out, when they calculated the ratings of Stumptown and included on demand numbers over some 35 days, the show’s ratings quadrupled. Fox already calculates its ratings on this system which only makes sense because NO ONE WATCHES ANYTHING LIVE ANYMORE.

Ooh … this is a really good point: when Hasan Minhaj made a little trouble at Netflix by calling out the Saudi family, Netflix pulled the episode of Patriot Act to avoid ruffling feathers, explaining that they aren’t trying to “do truth to power.” But when John Oliver and Last Week Tonight were sued by a coal magnate after reporting on his misadventures, HBO not only stood behind Oliver and the show, they paid $200,000 in legal fees, saw their libel insurance triple, and didn’t blink when he did a second episode going after the same coal mine-owning asshole. Turns out you can be in the entertainment business and still speak truth to power. And creators should think about that before they sign a deal with certain companies.

Speaking of Netflix, the prime minister of Poland is REALLY MAD AT THEM because a recent documentary didn’t make clear that the Nazi concentration camps in Poland were being operated by the Germans who were invaders. But, like, doesn’t everyone already know that?

Apparently, the entire cast of Days of Our Lives has been released from their contracts which … is not good news for the future of the show. Sony Television and NBC are currently in negotiations to renew the series, and the show is expected to go on indefinite hiatus at the end of the month. This could be a strong bargaining move, or it could just be the signal that that renewal is not happening. I am not a Days viewer, but the death of the soap opera genre in general bums me out HARD.

Can we talk about what is going on over at Riverdale?

Alex Trebek became choked up when a contestant used Final Jeopardy to send him a supportive message and I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING, YOU IDIOT.

Sean Spicer has finally been eliminated from Dancing with the Stars despite President TeeVee’s Twitter support — which he DELETED after Spicer was voted out. I guess President Loyalty Only Goes One Way likes dancers who aren’t eliminated.

Impeachment Corner!

Tomorrow is a big day: the first public and televised hearings get underway and three broadcast networks, in addition to the major news networks, will be broadcasting them live. Testifying tomorrow will be Ambassador to Ukraine, William Taylor and Deputy Assistant Secretary for European and Eurasian Affairs, and they will have plenty to say about the fact that the President of the United States withheld military aid to one of our strategic allies in exchange for political dirt on Joe Biden. That’s impeachable!

Also maybe possibly impeachable but certainly very stinky: Because someone clearly told President Fraud Guarantee that he couldn’t fire the Whistleblower because 1. it would be illegal and 2. it would look bad even to the Republican Senators who are looking for ANY reason to save his ass, he’s now looking at firing the Inspector General who investigated the whistleblower’s report and found it credible.

cool-cool-cool-community-ahmed

The most recent deposition that was released was of Laura Cooper, who is a senior Pentagon official, and the shit she had to say about why withholding the Ukraine aid was BAD and DANGEROUS is devastating. First of all, she testified that Ukraine had met all the important anti-corruption benchmarks to receive the aid, so there was no good reason to withhold it; she testified that withholding it appeared to be illegal; and she explained why it was so important to 1. give the aid and 2. not make it public that the aid was being withheld: because RUSSIA. Ukraine and Russia are in “peace talks” and Ukraine’s biggest asset is the support of the United States. If it became public that the United States was not entirely supporting Ukraine, that would give Russia an advantage. AND WE DO NOT WANT RUSSIA TO HAVE AN ADVANTAGE.

It all comes back to Russia with this asshole.

russian witch hunt bachelor in paradise

Meanwhile, the Republicans are still struggling to come up with a response. They passed around a memo today that among other nonsense argued that President Collusion had legitimate reasons to be concerned about corruption in Ukraine and therefore within his rights to ask for an investigation. Which would be a reasonable argument if this asshole cared one iota about corruption anywhere else, ever. But then President Dumbass here, he goes and tweets out that it was all about investigating Biden — which, of course, is exactly what the Democrats are saying:

President DingDong is also promising to release the transcript of the first phone call he had with President Zelensky as if anyone gives a shit.

Meanwhile, who even knows what’s going on with that clown, acting Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney: he wanted to join John Bolton and Charles Kupperman’s lawsuit asking a judge whether they had to testify or not, only to have John Bolton be like “GET LOST, LOSER.” So then he was going to file his own lawsuit, and now he’s not filing a lawsuit at all, he’s just going to refuse to testify.

This all comes on the heels of the news that Mulvaney and White House Counsel, Pat Cipollone are in a slap fight over who is most responsible for President Stumblebums impeachment woes: was it Mulvaney for saying IN A PRESS CONFERENCE that the White House was engaged in a quid pro quo with Ukraine, and to “get over it”? Or was it Cipollone for not using some sort of legal superpowers to prevent the witnesses who have testified from coming forward? For yours truly, it’s six of one, half dozen the other. FIGHT TO THE DEATH, BOYS!

But also, enjoy the view of the underside of that bus, Mick.

LOOKING FORWARD TO TOMORROW, GUYS.

Renewals

  • Titans has been renewed for a third season at DC Universe.

Cancellations

In Development

  • Sisi, a six-part drama about Austrian Empress Elisabeth II is being developed.
  • Will Graham has re-upped his first-look deal with Amazon.

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

CBS announced their midseason premiere dates:

  • Tuesday, January 7: FBI Most Wanted
  • Wednesday, January 8: Undercover Boss & Criminal Minds
  • Thursday, February 6: Tommy
  • Friday, February 7: MacGyver
  • Selena will debut on Netflix in 2020.
  • Homeland will return on Showtime on February 9.
  • Harley Quinn will debut on DC Universe on November 29.
  • YOU will return on Netflix on December 26.
  • Michelle Wolf: Joke Show will debut on Netflix on December 10.
  • Holly Hobbie will return on Hulu on November 22.

R.I.P.

Rick Ludwin, NBC executive who championed Seinfeld, and many other comedians on the network. Conan, Jimmy Fallon, and Seth Meyers all took time to remember him on their shows last night.

WATCH THIS

It’s Disney+ Day:

The Mandalorian: Pedro Pascal is the sexy Boba Fett of your dreams. Series premiere. Disney+

Lady and the Tramp: I don’t understand the “live” versions of animated movies, but I’m NOT FOR IT.  Disney+

Forky Asks a Question: But I do love me some Forky. Series premiere. Disney+

Noelle: Anna Kendrick — who is impossible to not like — stars as the daughter of Kris Kringle in this movie that also features Bill Hader, Billy Eichner, Julie Hagerty, and Shirley MacLaine, so who am I to complain? Disney+

Encore!: In this reality series, former high school theater productions are reunited to recreate their performances — and they only have a week to do so. DRAMA KIDS BE DRAMA KIDS. Series premiere. Disney+

High School Musical: The Series: It’s right there in the title. Series premiere. Disney+

The World According to Jeff Goldblum: Jeff Goldblum travels around being Jeff Goldblum. Fun fact: he filmed one episode right here in Houston. Series premiere. Disney+

Dolly Parton: Here She Comes Again!: Dolly can do whatever she wants. 9 p.m., ABC

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Kristen Bell, Judd Apatow, Danny Brown
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Taron Egerton, Steve Kornacki, Mark Fischbach, Chris Johnson
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Liev Schreiber, Daniel Kaluuya, Cold War Kids
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Laurie Metcalf, Jenny Slate, Billy Lockett
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Patrick Stewart, Da’Vine Joy Randolph, Carrie Underwood, Old Dominion
  • The Daily Show: Noah Baumbach
  • Conan: Lizzy Caplan
  • Lights Out with David Spade: Rob Schneider, Esther Pavitsky, Matteo Lane
  • Watch What Happens Live: Ilana Glazer, Kathleen Turner
  • A Little Late with Lily Singh: Tyler Perry

 

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Conners
(new)
Bless This Mess
(new)
mixed-ish
(new)
black-ish
(new)
Dolly Parton: Here She Comes Again!
(new)
CBS NCIS
(new)
FBI
(new)
NCIS: New Orleans
(new)
CW The Flash
(repeat)
Arrow
(repeat)
Local
FOX The Resident
(new)
Empire
(new)
News/Local
NBC The Voice
(new)
This Is Us
(new)
New Amsterdam
(new)

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