I’m reupping this for the last weekend of hate-blog voting. Vote now or forever hold your peace about which shitty show your fellow foolish watchers chose to torture me with:
First, you chose The Orville, which turned out to be one of the most infuriating television series I’ve ever had the misfortune of having watched. What are you even trying to do with this show: be a potty-humor-filled spoof of a space opera or be a Very Serious Sci-Fi Drama that makes Very Serious Social Commentary? PICK A LANE SETH MACFARLANE. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, PAL.
Then last year you chose Manifest, which began as an intriguing mystery box drama: ooh … what happened to this plane and why did it go missing for five years? but then quickly devolved into an inconsistent, distracted mess with insufferably boring family subplots before eventually settling into complete and utter batshittery:
And yet despite this, despite you all making TWO VERY POOR CHOICES, I have decided to once again place my fate in your hands and invite you lunatics to choose a new one-hour drama series you would like to torture me with me to blog this season.
The good news for me is that the networks’ offerings this season range from “I mean, it’s not my thing but I’m sure it’s fine” to “well, that looks familiar but it could be fun, maybe.” While looking at these trailers, I’m tempted to say there’s nothing here that I am going to hate the way I hated Manifest and The Orville. But the truth is I have learned my lesson that if there is a show that will piss me off, you people will find it.
Meet this year’s hate blog contenders:
All Rise: She’s a young new judge here to shake things up and SERVE JUSTICE. Category: Legal drama with heart. (CBS, September 23)
Almost Family: A young woman learns that her fertility specialist father is not the miracle worker everyone thinks he is, but used his own sperm to impregnate dozens of women and that she has countless siblings out in the world. Category: Family dramedy with heart. (Fox, October 2)
Batwoman: It’s sexy androgynous Batwoman. Category: Superhero. (The CW, October 6)
Bluff City Law: Jimmy Smitts and his daughter are lawyers who specialize in civil rights cases and deliver powerful self-righteous speeches. Category: Legal drama with heart. (NBC, September 23)
Emergence: Allison Tolman stars as a small-town police chief who takes in a mysterious girl who survived a plane crash. Weird shit begins happening. Category: Paranormal series that feels familiar because it’s Stranger Things but in the present day. (ABC, September 24)
Evil: A skeptical psychologist teams up with a priest and another guy to investigate supernatural stuff. Category: Paranormal series that feels familiar because it’s X-Files but without the FBI. (CBS, October 9)
Nancy Drew: Girl detective investigates a murder in her sexy gothic hometown. Category: Sexy teen mystery drama. (The CW, October 9)
Prodigal Son: A criminal profiler is the son of a brilliant and notorious serial killer whom he consults on his cases, BUT HE IS SO CONFLICTED, YOU GUYS. Category: Crime series that feels familiar because it’s Hannibal with an Oedipal complex. (Fox, September 23)
Stumptown: Lady detective solves crimes and has a complicated personal life. Category: Sassy lady crime dramedy. (ABC, September 25)
Well, what’s it going to be, chickens? I’m going to keep the polls open until the official start of the fall television schedule which begins in three weeks from today, so I invite you to vote early and vote often:
WATCH THIS
Bachelor in Paradise: John Paul Jones vs. Derek, round 2. 7 p.m., ABC
Untouchable: A documentary about the rise and fall of that pig Harvey Weinstein. Hulu
Steven Universe: The Movie: The feature-length movie is proceeded by a marathon of Steven Universe episodes which begins at 5 a.m. 5 p.m., Cartoon Network
Investigation Discovery True-Crime Marathon: The ID network is going to be airing all-new true-crime specials all day today 4p.m.,
| MON. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | Bachelor in Paradise (new) |
Grand Hotel (new) |
| CBS | The Neighborhood (repeat) |
The Big Bang Theory (repeat) |
Young Sheldon (repeat) |
Mom (repeat) |
Bull (repeat) |
| CW | Penn & Teller: Fool Us (repeat) |
Whose Line is it Anyway? (repeat) |
Whose Line is it Anyway? (repeat) |
Local |
| FOX | So You Think You Can Dance (new) |
News/Local |
| NBC | American Ninja Warrior (new) |
Dateline (new) |
Last time I voted for “Manifest” because I hoped it would be a good show and I’d get the benefit of you recapping it. I’m not making that mistake this time with “Emergence”.
In the end, this was a three-horse race between “Evil”, “Bluff City Law”, and “Prodigal Son”. BCL brought the Jimmy Smits factor, but I went with “Evil” on the grounds that there are so many more ways to screw up a show with supernatural stuff. Like, um , “Manifest” and “Emergence” (please don’t let them screw that one up, TV gods). You’re welcome.
I genuinely appreciate the thinking behind your vote! Thanks for clarifying!
–T
Ugh – I feel like Emergence is Manifest Part 2. I’m so sorry that it’s in the lead right now! But I read your blog every day – currently suffering through BIP with you. Thanks for carrying this burden for us!
Hey, thanks for reading, Betsy! I’m sorry I’m so behind on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ … I’m struggling to catch up, but it doesn’t look likely.
Guh.
-T
Therese, I don’t think you fully appreciate the awesome responsibility we have here. Not only are we choosing a show for you to (hate) blog, but we are just about guaranteeing that show will be picked up for a second season. (We’re 2 for 2 so far.)
That in mind, I chose Nancy Drew, ’cause it just looks like fun and it won’t take itself too seriously. Besides, who can resist a sexy teen gothic mystery?
Thanks for insight into your decision-making process, Jim! I genuinely am interested! And you are absolutely right about the gift of renewal for these series, I hadn’t even considered that … SUCH POWER.
–T
So my thought process this season was: choose a show that might be good, but will probably be horrible. I’ve voted both times before – The Orville was an obvious choice for a hate blog, and that delivered for sure. Manifest was something I wanted to watch, and thought it would be good to have a recap every week – which it was, even though it became increasingly awful! And I will still watch it, but I will be hate watching it and hoping that you will continue to hate blog it.
This year was tough, because I agree that there is nothing incredibly cringe-worthy about the new offerings. So instead, I chose between a few shows that I’m interested in trying (Emergence, All Rise, Bluff City Law, & Stumptown) and decided Emergence has the most possibility of a crash-and-burn. Oh WHYY can’t we find a solid vehicle for Allison Tolman??
Anyway, good luck on this, the 3rd Annual Foolish Watcher Hater Games!!
Thanks, Brandon! I’m loving these comments, guys!
-T
I’m torn… Do I choose a show I want to do well and be good, or do I choose something awful so I can read your blog and not have to watch it? I liked the Stumptown trailer and am cautiously optimistic, but bad CW teen angst plus supernatural hijinx is my secret shame…..
Choices, choices. If I choose Nancy Drew, will you do the corresponding reading assignments?
WAIT, YOU’RE ADDING HOMEWORK? GUH.
-T
Lol – too bad there’s no write-in option – there are some god-awful kid shows out there.
Voted for ‘Evil’ purely for the hope of some good nicknames for the characters/actors.
Ok, The Orville was an easy choice because what could be better to hateblog that Seth McFarland trying to do Star Trek? This turned out very much correct. (Side note: halfway through my self-hating viewing of season 2 and you should – “should” is too strong here, maybe “might want to if you literally have nothing else to do with your life at the current moment” watch the episodes Identity Part 1&2 It’s like he accidentally stumbled into legit good TV).
Manifest looked like a wild ride and good Lord were we right there too. I really hope they have CGI wolf in season 2. Breakout superstar of the entire series.
Nothing is really jumping out at me as complete hot garbage or wild ride, so I went with something I’m going to watch anyway in Evil. Maybe it can fill the Exorcist size whole in my heart.
You know (and I hate to talk too much about it, lest I throw off the polls in any which way) but Evil is from the couple who created The Good Wife and The Good Fight, so it has a decent pedigree. And you’re right, there are no obvious losers in here. I would watch pretty much any of these shows unironically, so go with what you’re most interested in.
-T